I'm sorry you have had to endure such pain and struggle. The good news is that you are getting help and are with someone special, who cares for you, understands and is patient. I believe that you have done many things right and just need to give things some more time, not putting expectations on yourself. Taking very small steps forward as you continue to heal will present good things in time. Sending gentle hugs.

Well, kissing, if it's any good, CAN be stimulating/exciting, CAN lead to sex, if you both WANT it to! You can ALWAYS put the brakes on if something is not comfortable. You're not animal that has no control over its hormones and emotions. You're a human being who can make a choice. God WANTS you to kiss, and WANTS you to have sex...when YOU'RE ready, on YOUR terms. You just have to realize that you're in control, and have to know how to govern your own passion, when you feel comfortable releasing it and qhen you feel you have to rein it in.

Pardon the typos. Typing in bright sun is futile.

Back when my occasional lady-friend and I first started dating, I'd give her backrubs in a movie theater during a movie, which deeply relaxed us. I'd gently kiss her on the temple, on the cheek, on the nape where her neck meets her shoulder. When she wanted me to kiss her on the lips, she'd turn her face toward mine, and I did. At first, it was just gentle pecking. Eventually...without going into too much detail, our tongues would become embroiled in a full-on python dueling fest! Needless to say, this would drive me absolutely nuts with pleasure and excitement! Always, however, when I tried to get the rest of her body to follow, pushing for sex, it just wasn't happening for her, she was and is very cerebral, with all of her body heat centered around her brain, so I respected her wishes, and backed off. I'm not a rapist. I'd then have to go home to "finish myself off" with a hand-job. Such has been the nature, and the limit, of our association.

My "kissing technique" seems to instinctually be: Kiss wherever on a woman that feels WARM, as where warmth is is where needs love. There's a boo-boo, kiss it and make it better. Hope my thinking is correct, ladies!

I have a fear/anxiety of physical intimacy too. For me it's mainly from a fear that a partner would use physical intimacy to hurt me in some way. However, I imagine that being with an understanding, caring partner for long enough would help to alleviate those fears over time as I learn to trust them more.

Overcoming issues like these isn't something that we can do over night. It will take time to feel able to do these things with a partner.

If you treat the root of the problem by working with your therapist to help you heal the trauma of what happened in the past though, it should make things a bit easier for you.

There's nothing to fear but our own loss of self-control.

It seems you view intimacy negatively? I am guessing from past bad experiences.

I have negative view of intimacy. I think your doing right by going to psychologist, and talking, reading, writing, or painting about these feelings will help you get it all out there, and help you heal.

When you were taken advantage of by two guys, you submitted to them, douchebags who did NOT have YOUR best interest at heart but were only thinking about their own selfish pleasure, rather than trusting your own instincts. NEVER do something, especially something so intimate as giving yourself sexually, just to please someone ELSE!

Sex and things sexual start in the mind. If you are in love him you will naturally want to be intimate with him..the two should fit like hand in glove. But if you are not feeling the intimacy then there is something going on in your mind...some barrier that needs to be removed so that things can flow properly and naturally. Be patient with yourself but work on it all the while with your pyschologist or perhaps a sex therapist. Read the songs of Solomon too....sex was meant to be a beautiful God given blessing! Best of luck.