Ah, the smoking controversy. . . I'm the MIL in my family version of this controversy. Puff, puff. . . I've tried compromising in the past and have concluded that the anti-smoking faction is never GONNA be happy. The harder I try, the louder and meaner the objections become. Give 'em an inch and they'll take a mile. There's always something else to bitch about.

Moving the DIL out of my house while I went heartlessly compulsive was our unpalatable solution. Let me know if you find something better. We are in need. Is it lucky for you that her signing over the house to you will give you the legal right to evict her? I'd sell my soul for a more humane compromise.

Yea, I already know the Surgeon General's report with all the accuracy of the most nagged portion of society. Spare me the lecture, please. The smoking controversy is older and bigger than cigarettes.

I don't see any other option if she's unwilling to compromise. She shouldn't want to be exposing her grandchildren to cancer. I'll never understand the entitled mentality of smokers. There's no way I could live around that. I certainly wouldn't even consider bringing children or pets into that. I think your husband should be backing you up since I presume these are his children being exposed to the smoke. Maybe you could build a MIL quarters in the backyard for her if the yard is big enough?

I don’t think you made an unreasonable request to have your mother in law smoke outside. When we would visit my mother in law she would not smoke in front of the kids and when she smoked in the house she would do it in her bedroom with the window open.

Just reading your post makes me sick to my stomach because I can’t imagine being in a home where someone smokes 2 packs a day. I have asthma & I would either die or be glued to my inhaler. As a mother I think you did the right thing by moving out.

I have no problem with people who smoke. I just can’t be around it in a closed area.

kind of sounds like you have the right idea, but there is one thing you may try, if she cant go outside make her smoke in her room BUT put two or three commercial grade hepa filters in her room and run them around the clock, should clean the air good enough to live there and remain healthy. every one will be happy , no one needs to move.

Make her go to the doc and quit smoking. How the heck can she even think it's ok in front of kids? You are not wrong and should move if you can. Some smokers just don't get how much it bothers other people. If she wants you guys to help her out then she needs to quit the cancer sticks. Stand up for your beliefs. You are in the right.

It's tough like you wrote it's her house or at least it was..... I think you should make a decision to do what you feel you need to for your kids and your health

If she needs the income hopefully she'll compromise and be willing to smoke outside …. It's the addiction that's such a struggle sadly

I was a smoker for years as well and I get the dilemma …. I stopped smoking inside (while I smoked) and I found it cut me down to about a third as much so I was happy I did that actually

Big hug.... I hope that it'll work out for all of you......xo

I would absolutely get the kids out if you are able to. They shouldn't suffer and neither should you over someone else's selfishness. You are absolutely not the bad guy here. If you don't stick up for them, you will always regret it.

AgentSmith-
I don't understand the entitled mentality that smokers always seem to have either but I've encountered it many times. I've always wondered if it's the cigarettes that do it or it's a personality type that's drawn to cigarettes. I don't know.

I think it's in part because for so long during my lifetime anyway so many people smoked and it was an accepted norm

It wasn't considered any big deal back in my young years and now us baby boomers are seeing the change

When I was growing up a big population of adults smoked....

Although addictive there were no behavioural changes such as with booze or other drugs so people did it and accepted it

Now everyone knows the health risks and the worlds changed it's opinion


I imagine this MIL has smoked for a very long time

she shouldn't smoke in the house but she does
you didn't think through what you were walking into
now all of you are fucked in that coulda shoulda woulda wasn't thought through

reality is your kids will not get cancer from this
send them outside to play and work their lungs
as they get older use your mother-in-law's, addiction as a teaching tool with your kids, show them long term consequences that they can observe
als show them compassion as they see you accept you mother in laws weakness with her "demons"

if smoking is the worst thing your mother in law does, you got it good, does she undermine your marriage does she domineer your husband?

look at the stress she has, her home is now filled with hustle and bustle & she is fucking broke and needs you to move in with her, I'd imagine that stresses her out.

I went through divorce and can't provide for my kids like I could before... I feel like a failure in that, If I smoked I'd be inclined to puff more

your children will be fine, doe you feed them sugar, McDonald's, soda, chips, candy and other crap? if so ...

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all- your kids should not be subjected to that. Nor should you. Health has to come first.

thanks for everyone's response, I appreciate you taking the time. refurb, especially you- moving in with the MIL wasnt my choice-I saw all the shoulda woulda couldas. as an adult, living with the parents is never ever a good idea (unless temporary) but refurb- I can only assume you are an older individual so I'll try to be careful with this one....there has been substantial evidence that smoking causes cancer-unless you're God (maybe you are) you cant say for sure that they wont.

I am all about the compassion-and being supportive- but at the time- I was trying to put out fires. I was honestly looking for a solution- which is why I came here. I'm really sorry to hear about your divorce-that is a wholly different animal and a more emotionally stressful one. I'm sure. I imagine you are going through your own things so thank you-thank you for doing the best you could to give . me advice you thought I needed.

finally, the answer to your question of if i feed them Mcdonalds, soda chips and candy- I'm not a monster. Sugar in small amounts and in moderation is what I do, If MIL smoked in small amounts and in moderation-I wouldn't be here....

https://www.cancercouncil.com.au/blog/there-are-16-cancers-that-can-be-caused-by-smoking/