Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Hello,
My last boyfriend passed away a little over a year ago. About 6 months ago, I started dating again. For the most part, all dates went well, but I wasn't really into any of the guys. Guess something just wasn't there. About a month ago, I joined a volleyball league and I have started to have very strong feelings for one of my teammates. The catch, wouldn't you know, he has a girlfriend. Last weekend, the two of us went out and were out til 4am just talking and hanging out. Nothing physical happened. I would like to tell him how I feel even if it's just a crush. I have learned through my last relationship that life is too short not to express how you feel. I had so much more to say to my last boyfriend and I didn't get the chance. With this guy, I'm not expecting him to break up with his girlfriend. I do not want him to cheat on her... But part of me hopes that maybe the odds are in my favor and there is a slight chance that he may like me back. I find it hard that you can hang with someone all night and not have any other feelings. But I don't know. It's just been a very long time since a guy has made me smile and part of me think it's worth fighting for and part of me as scared as hell. Please, any advice?
My last boyfriend passed away a little over a year ago. About 6 months ago, I started dating again. For the most part, all dates went well, but I wasn't really into any of the guys. Guess something just wasn't there. About a month ago, I joined a volleyball league and I have started to have very strong feelings for one of my teammates. The catch, wouldn't you know, he has a girlfriend. Last weekend, the two of us went out and were out til 4am just talking and hanging out. Nothing physical happened. I would like to tell him how I feel even if it's just a crush. I have learned through my last relationship that life is too short not to express how you feel. I had so much more to say to my last boyfriend and I didn't get the chance. With this guy, I'm not expecting him to break up with his girlfriend. I do not want him to cheat on her... But part of me hopes that maybe the odds are in my favor and there is a slight chance that he may like me back. I find it hard that you can hang with someone all night and not have any other feelings. But I don't know. It's just been a very long time since a guy has made me smile and part of me think it's worth fighting for and part of me as scared as hell. Please, any advice?
The reasons you have feelings for him....life is trying to tell you you are ready to date again and this is the type of man to look for.
I fear you're trying to "cover him up" like a band-aid with a new flesh lover. Even if it were possible and healthy to hook up with beau who has a girlfriend, this would only be a temporary fix, and then, after the orgasm, grief over your departed loved one would still come rushing in. You'll always be comparing any new beau to the beau who departed this Earth. Give this grieving process about 3 years. Then maybe you'll finally be ready for a new intimate relationship.
Koolman is right, a year after losing someone is not very long at all. Maybe the fact that you are even considering telling a taken man that you have feelings for him shows perhaps there is a problem with your judgement and arent ready to throw yourself out there quite yet.
Would it be so awful to take some more time to yourself so that when you do jump back on that horse, you do it the right way?
Regardless, find a single man. Even if he didnt leave his girlfriend, thats just a crappy thing to do to both of them.