Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Let me start by saying we're not married. My boyfriend and I have been together for 15 years. We've live together for 13, no children just a Chihuahua and shared bank account. All our friends and family say we're pretty much married except without the paper. I won't go into a long story but I have talked to him about marriage plenty of times. We've even had blow outs over it because I felt like he was stalling with his commiment issues saying his parents were divorced and he never like the thought of that. If it were up to me, we've would have been married way before now. I've also gone through so many changes. I lost my mom in 2008 and my dad just this past January. So even if I had the wedding of my dreams tomorrow, it will never be enough. My mom won't be there to help pick out the dress and my dad won't be there to walk me down the isle. I've even edited my dream wedding more saying we can just get married downtown in a court and have a small reception. But nothing yet. Now, my friends and family introduce me as his wife even though he's never used the term. I don't know how I feel about it. Even though we're "as good as married" we're not married. He already chose not to make me his wife, why should he get the benefit of the title without the work? I want to talk to him about it but a part of me is saying this is a little issue that doesn't need to be made into a bigger one. But if its bothering me, I should say something, right?
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
According to your post, you have talked about this many times and even have had blow outs over it.
What would you say that hasn't already been said? He knows you want to be legally married. And he doesn't seem to care.
As you say, "He already chose not to make me his wife". But rather than "why should he get the benefit of the title without the work?", why do YOU allow this? You have allowed this for 13 years. If marriage was important to you, you should have moved out the moment he made it clear he wasn't interested in a marriage.
The ball really is in your court.
And if this is such a "little issue", why even post about it at all?
To me marriage is very important and I will never move in with anyone again unless we are married.
However.. in your situation.. you already gave him 15 years. If you get along well and everything is fine, it may not be best to push the issue. Just be sure that you protect yourself financially
I failed at it and that was a huge issue
It's a commitment either a legal commitment and or a commitment before God or both
One thing that you wrote that I would NEVER do it have shared monies or debt if you aren't legally married....
That can come back to bite you in a huge way if things ever go awry and you don't have the same protection in the law at all
I agree that the ball is in your court...... You don't have to settle for this if it's not what you want
What you want is every bit as important as what he wants
I'm sorry that you've had so much loss..... I know how much it hurts..... Big hug.....xo
Cora_Belle's points are well taken. The ball is in your court. What do you want to do now? Is marriage the deal-breaker? I don't know what state you live in but in some states, common law marriages are still recognized.
SunCloudJD has also given a wise take on money. It's important you have a separate bank account. It may be wise to speak with an attorney about your current situation in terms of the financial picture.
Listen to your heart.
xx
SuzA