Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
My husband and I have been working on our marriage. It's never been cupcakes and roses, but it's what I know. We seem to feed off each other negatively. He's always had a drinking problem. Over the nearly 7 years we've been together there have been some pretty scary times. He can be really mean....drinking is not his friend...it fucks him up in the head. His words, not mine. I've been drinking the past 3-4 years and I don't blame him, but I think I wouldn't be like this had I not met him. I take responsibility of my own actions though.
I'm not out of control like he is. He was doing quite well. Now we are in an "adjustment" period. He was in demolition when we met...Monday-Friday job, home each night. About a year or so into our relationship the economy took a nose dive and he was laid off. I gave the final okay for him to go back to long haul truck driving. So it began....he started back with his old company and eventually got into business with my dad and got his own truck and 5 years later things have kind of come crashing down. The business has not thrived and taken my parents down financially. My parents did everything they could to keep the business going. Now my husband is driving truck but locally. He's trying to find work in town and surrounding areas. For the most part he's been working 5 days a week, home on weekends. We spent so much time apart, it's been hard adjusting now he's home every week. His drinking is getting bad again and he's verbal abused me a least once a month if not more. He's careless with money too.
We were doing pretty good. I was trying to be more positive, he was being more respectful and we were getting along better. Now things are just bad again. He's "given me an out" but I don't take it. The next day after a fight it's always him wanting to have me forgive and forget. And he forgets or ignores how he's "asked for a divorce" etc etc while drinking.
This isn't healthy. I'm worried about him, but when is it enough is enough???
Ugh
I'm not out of control like he is. He was doing quite well. Now we are in an "adjustment" period. He was in demolition when we met...Monday-Friday job, home each night. About a year or so into our relationship the economy took a nose dive and he was laid off. I gave the final okay for him to go back to long haul truck driving. So it began....he started back with his old company and eventually got into business with my dad and got his own truck and 5 years later things have kind of come crashing down. The business has not thrived and taken my parents down financially. My parents did everything they could to keep the business going. Now my husband is driving truck but locally. He's trying to find work in town and surrounding areas. For the most part he's been working 5 days a week, home on weekends. We spent so much time apart, it's been hard adjusting now he's home every week. His drinking is getting bad again and he's verbal abused me a least once a month if not more. He's careless with money too.
We were doing pretty good. I was trying to be more positive, he was being more respectful and we were getting along better. Now things are just bad again. He's "given me an out" but I don't take it. The next day after a fight it's always him wanting to have me forgive and forget. And he forgets or ignores how he's "asked for a divorce" etc etc while drinking.
This isn't healthy. I'm worried about him, but when is it enough is enough???
Ugh
Bad finances do put a lot of stress and strain on a relationship. It's tough when the economy is shit and nothing one tries to bring in money works. My brother, now deceased, God rest his soul, also spent the last year of his life doing a trucking business, and the fuel, mileage and truck repair expenses ate up whatever profit there was. it sucked.
I'm sick of the money system altogether, and just want to keep my wants and needs small so I eek out a living, keep a roof over my head, have a bit of a life left over after work. Maybe you guys' wants and needs have gotten too large, and it's time to downsize a bit, sell off a bunch of shit, sell the house, move into a smaller domicile...?
Enough already - shit or get off the pot.
and I mean that in the nicest possible way - it's exhausting reading about it - it must be exhausting living it and life is too short for that crap. It's like a bandaid - ripping it off only hurts for the first 30 seconds - then it gets better. But you actually have to rip it off.....
You have nothing, in debt, stressed out and your poor parents?
Why do they have to deal with this shit and suport both of you ?
I know you dont want to be alone, but this is NOT a life. This is not how it should be and your parents do not deserve this.
I agree with Coping - it is time.
You will know when it's "enough"....please don't lose your sense of YOU in all the mess.
You cannot sacrifice your entire life trying to make a marriage work out when the person representing the other HALF does not put in his share of effort.
As long as you are unhappy, your marriage will continue to suffer, you see? So the problem feeds off of itself. The more you are unhappy, the more your relationship suffers, making you more unhappy. Before you know it, it spirals out of control, long past a point that it can be repaired.
You cant have one without the other. Period.
Do you feel it is possible for YOUR life to improve while staying in the marriage?
If so, what actions can you take to have both?
Please think about putting yourself first. You only get one ride on this shit storm called life, dont make it worse than it has to be.
What do you have to lose if you kick him out?
You are in a cycle with him, that relationship, his drinking and all that comes with it and it's evident by the posts of yours that I have read.
If you truly take responsibility for your own actions as you just stated, the stop your own drinking, start cleaning up what you are doing and if he feels the need to stay on his own destructive path? Then so be it. And if that's not "enough" for you to realize that this relationship is dead in the water, then I don't know what is.
Misery loves company as they saying goes. Perhaps you like misery more than you let on. If not? Do something about it.