I mostly just post questions on here so please take my advice with a grain of salt. It sounds like communication is a huge priority for you, as it is with me. What if communication is more important to you than him, is that OK? What if things continue as they are, are you OK with that or is that a deal breaker?

My girlfriend has shut down communication between us a couple of times and I'm noticing the red flags and keeping my eyes open without reacting too emotionally to anything. She's got a lot going on in her life right now and just got her period. She's been so emotional and still wants to see me but doesn't talk when we do and won't even let me put my arm around her. She refuses to talk about it for the past couple of days and just says she is sad and doesn't know why.

I need communication as it seems you do. I need my partner to come to me if she's having an issue and say "hey I'm sad, this just happened, can we talk, can I have a hug." Not the avoidance. So I'm realizing that communication is probably more important to me than her and if that is the case, things logically can't evolve much more than they have.

I've gone through with what you're going through. Breaking up is so hard to do but it's the best thing to do. The reason why I say this is because you are going to fall in love with the next guy who is decent looking and who you emotionally connect with through good conversation. Date this guy you're with, but for sure don't marry him.

I'm with someone now how is emotionally available, and it's a world of difference. I had to change the way I communicated to land her.

I liked the last part of your post so forgive me for pasting it again.

"The problem is, because he can't communicate I always end up wondering if he's lost interest. I'm always the one who has to make plans and prod him into anything physical. Then I feel like I put myself out there too much when I tell him how I feel, which makes me feel vulnerable and guarded. I'm not good at playing mind games but I end up doing things like not contacting him for a week to show him I can be aloof too.

What I thought was important in your statements is that you expressed your feelings so openly and honestly and that is what I feel should be said be said to your partner. If he refuses to discuss it or share his own feelings to me that is a sign of you having to make the decision to either move on or let him know you can't continue living your life walking on eggshells.

It is never easy to make changes for anyone but I find it to be a worse situation when things just stay the same and a person is left wondering what they can and cannot do to make a relationship work as it takes 100 percent effort from both to make that happen. Anyway you should never have to be afraid to let your partner know how he is making you feel by his actions and see what types of changes can be made that will make you both feel better about the future. If that does not work I feel he is just not ready to be in a relationship.

I hope this will help a bit in deciding what you should do next. Wishing you all the best:)

I can say that I've actually been on the other side of this type of issue. Though my partner and I both communicate quite well for the most part, we treat eachother with respect, let eachother finish our thoughts, never interupting and always listening and giving advise and using good understanding language (i.e. I understand, I validate, I value, I feel...etc.). I however have always been one to go into silent mode if I myself am feeling down in the dumps or if I feel jelous or threatened, which drives my husband up the wall. I explain to him that I don't want to talk about it just then (i.e. we're on our way to his mom's house and I don't want to cry and look like a big mess when we get there) but it still bugs him to no end. It's hard to keep things inside and the only advice I can give you is to be supportive. To show him that how he feels is a priority for you. You want him to feel better, but most importantly you want him to trust in you and know you are going to be there for him no matter what. Before my husband would say, I understand, I'll let you talk to me when you feel comfortable, but after 11 years or so he does get frustrated from time to time. I do appreciate him being patient with me, though I know it hurts him to see me so down.

It's not your place to fix it, just let him feel you are the one person in the world who will not judge him or make him feel lame for admiting any fears or feelings out loud. That is if you want to be that person for him. It's a big responabiity and takes a lot of commitment.

Good luck!

I feel you should go with your gut instinct regarding this relationship and how it makes you feel. If his lack of communication seems to be an issue now, it will only get WORSE as time goes on. If something just doesn't feel right, then I would put as little as possible myself into it and try to move on as best as you can. If you want to hang on to see if this improves, that is your choice. You would need to learn to back off and adjust your communication/physical/sexual needs until he is emotionally available without letting it hinder you as a person, like bug you to where your upset all the time.

Red flags and gut instincts are worth listening too. I know from personal experience. This person definitely has some red flags appearing in his ability to handle a normal relationship... with give and take.

Some guys aren't best at feelings communication. Read the book "The Five Love Languages" or Mars and Venus books. My guy doesn't share how he feels alot but is always doing something for me and helping out. Some people are more of doers rather than sayers. Woman want emotions and men can't always provide that side for us. Ask him what he wants and communicate. If he wants to be with you let him know what you need and you understand if he doesn't know to express himself, but for you he needs to try. And if you "ignore" him thinking it will change how he feels. It doesn't. I found that my guy if we don't see eachother one week he isn't bothered as he thinks there is always another time. Woman think a man should know what we want and they are not mind readers like we are not.

I went through almost the exact situation, except that my guy was cheap and wouldn't buy anything.

Other than that, the story is almost identical. I had to ask how he felt, encourage physical contact, and constantly felt like I was either giving too much or trying to be aloof to get him to respond/react.

His mom abandoned him and his brothers when they were 1-5 years old.

At first I felt sorry for him because of that and tried to be understanding, but after several months of constantly giving and still wondering where I stood, I was getting tired of it. Meanwhile, he was constantly calling, messaging and hanging out with me, so I thought he just couldn't express himself. Then I found out he was messaging other women online late at night while dating me too. I believe that he is constantly trying to fill the void left by his mother's abadonment of him. He was not healthy himself and not healthy for me either.

I think that anyone (male or female) who is showing so many signs of emotional unavailability is not a good person to get involved with.

As others have said, follow your gut instincts and watch for red flags. Do not ignore these things! I did and wound up getting more attached and more hurt than I should have.

Best of luck to you!

I was in a similar situation, being with someone completely sweet, but emotionally damaged. I kept giving, and he kept pushing me away. I thought that my love could overcome his problems, but I know now that it never will.

Keep your heart intact and get out while you still can.

I couldn't have read this at a better time. I am also one of those Emotionally Unavailable people, and I had no idea I was that way until recently. This can be changed with awareness..it's a tough road! I would just keep communicating with him because we have a tendency to not want to place our heart on the sleeve. To us it's a risk and we fear getting hurt and being torn down by the pain associated with the hurt. All those things he is doing for you is "showing" you he loves you. That is his way of "telling" you. Just simply in a very loving way tell him that those gifts are awesome and great..but you would rather if he just tell you how he feels. It would be the best gift ever! Then don't push it..cause in due time he will share his feelings with you!