Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Whenever Jon gets stressed out, he lashes out at the person closest to him (me)
He tells me that he doesn't love me, he's miserable and I'm the reason why he started drinking more.... He has told me that I will never make him happy and I'm not even a "Beta"
The next day, things are almost always fine. His nephew has told me that's not true when he says those things and that he regrets saying them and treating me the way he does sometimes....
It still hurts!!! I love this man more than anything in the world. I have never felt like this about anyone. I have loved him for 18 years. I'd take a bullet for him and use my last breath to tell him that I love him!!!
He's even said when I ask him, why tell me you love me? Why act like everything is okay? Why hold me at night like you do? He says "Cause you have made it clear that the only way I am going to get rid of you is "legally" ( I have nowhere to go if I were to leave and refuse to leave because I do love him and will fight to stay together) and also when he responded to why cuddle up to me at night "cause I am drunk"
This stuff hurts. We're supposed to be getting married in March. He says this stuff but he's also sweet as can be sometimes... I can't stop crrying...
He tells me that he doesn't love me, he's miserable and I'm the reason why he started drinking more.... He has told me that I will never make him happy and I'm not even a "Beta"
The next day, things are almost always fine. His nephew has told me that's not true when he says those things and that he regrets saying them and treating me the way he does sometimes....
It still hurts!!! I love this man more than anything in the world. I have never felt like this about anyone. I have loved him for 18 years. I'd take a bullet for him and use my last breath to tell him that I love him!!!
He's even said when I ask him, why tell me you love me? Why act like everything is okay? Why hold me at night like you do? He says "Cause you have made it clear that the only way I am going to get rid of you is "legally" ( I have nowhere to go if I were to leave and refuse to leave because I do love him and will fight to stay together) and also when he responded to why cuddle up to me at night "cause I am drunk"
This stuff hurts. We're supposed to be getting married in March. He says this stuff but he's also sweet as can be sometimes... I can't stop crrying...
" I handle all the Office Management and Customer Service aspects of the business as well as do "labor" work for him when needed. I tell everyone that I am his fiancee', office manager and whatever he wants me to be that day (I have done lawn service, tree work, construction clean up, mechanics with him) Other than working for him I do not help him out financially. It's his business, I just work for him. "
You are 32 years old. It is not too late to learn and grow.
I know it's difficult to leave a relationship of 18 years, but you need to. Any man who blames you for his drinking, talks about getting rid of you, says he cuddles only because he's drunk......!!!! Honey, don't you feel you deserve love? This is not love. This is co-dependency on your part, and you need help. May you find the path out of this situation.
It seems like Jon has many issues he needs to deal with. I think it is best for your own well-being to stay away from him while he gets help. It would be ideal for your own mental state of mind to tell him to get help, and you will not be with him until he stops drinking, and gets the help he needs.
It's troubling that he has said to you that the only way he's going to get rid of you is legally, what is that all about?
If he is working a laborious job, while you are collecting SSI, could this make him uneasy, or does your disability and his responsibility to take care of you financially affect him any way?
Did the verbal abuse begin when you decided to marry, or has he been this way for the entire 18 years, and is there any correlation? Is he an alcoholic, or does he enjoy his drink and perhaps sometimes too much so when he's stressed or tired?
Can you correlate anything you do or say to him, directly or indirectly before he becomes verbally abusive? Are there factors or situations in his life that causes him to take it out on you that has nothing to do with you?