Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Whenever Jon gets stressed out, he lashes out at the person closest to him (me)
He tells me that he doesn't love me, he's miserable and I'm the reason why he started drinking more.... He has told me that I will never make him happy and I'm not even a "Beta"
The next day, things are almost always fine. His nephew has told me that's not true when he says those things and that he regrets saying them and treating me the way he does sometimes....
It still hurts!!! I love this man more than anything in the world. I have never felt like this about anyone. I have loved him for 18 years. I'd take a bullet for him and use my last breath to tell him that I love him!!!
He's even said when I ask him, why tell me you love me? Why act like everything is okay? Why hold me at night like you do? He says "Cause you have made it clear that the only way I am going to get rid of you is "legally" ( I have nowhere to go if I were to leave and refuse to leave because I do love him and will fight to stay together) and also when he responded to why cuddle up to me at night "cause I am drunk"
This stuff hurts. We're supposed to be getting married in March. He says this stuff but he's also sweet as can be sometimes... I can't stop crrying...
He tells me that he doesn't love me, he's miserable and I'm the reason why he started drinking more.... He has told me that I will never make him happy and I'm not even a "Beta"
The next day, things are almost always fine. His nephew has told me that's not true when he says those things and that he regrets saying them and treating me the way he does sometimes....
It still hurts!!! I love this man more than anything in the world. I have never felt like this about anyone. I have loved him for 18 years. I'd take a bullet for him and use my last breath to tell him that I love him!!!
He's even said when I ask him, why tell me you love me? Why act like everything is okay? Why hold me at night like you do? He says "Cause you have made it clear that the only way I am going to get rid of you is "legally" ( I have nowhere to go if I were to leave and refuse to leave because I do love him and will fight to stay together) and also when he responded to why cuddle up to me at night "cause I am drunk"
This stuff hurts. We're supposed to be getting married in March. He says this stuff but he's also sweet as can be sometimes... I can't stop crrying...
They say "Actions speak louder than words"
His words sound like Hurt little boy words.
How are his actions?
Does he work hard, make a good living, stay home every night, complete any and all house chores that need to be done, conduct himself ok in public?... etc
Once you answer that. I'll have more advice to give!
It seems to me that you convinced yourself that you can not and will not live without this person and therefore you must take the abuse from him.
Blind love is just as bad as drug addiction, because while it gives you the high, it slowly destroys you physically and emotionally , because unfortunately Most people have this kid of love for individuals who do not reciprocate.
Your guy not only has an alcohol addiction, but from examples you have given in your post his respect for you is inconsistent and varies depending on what mood he is in.
You have told him that you are not leaving no matter what so he has zero incentive to stop treating you like shit. He has no fear of losing you what so ever.
If you want him to stop hurting you, you either have to stop paying attention to him and leave him alone when he is drunk or put your foot down and demand to be treated the way you deserve to be or else!
People comply with " nice" only to a point.
Now if we could just get him to shut up! lol
In my opinion he is releasing his stress onto you. I've read about it! google "anger addiction" Your first sentence hits the mark. " Whenever Jon gets stressed out..." It's a release for him.
I agree with Aronia. Stop paying attention to him. I think the quote I posted about in another thread.
" Between Stimulus and Response, there is a space. Inside that space is the ability to choose our response. In that response lies our growth and our freedom"
It could be of great help to you. If you can have the resolve to walk away and refuse to listen to him when he is spewing nonsense.
Sort of like handling a naughty child when they are having a tantrum.
Good luck!
Don't force yourself to stay with someone just because you decide that you should.
If he is treating you like crap then you need to leave.
You see that?? That is NOT love. That is desperate egoic need. They are two very different things. IF your daughter wanted to marry a man who spoke to her like that, what would you tell her?
This is just wrong on every level, not only his behavior but yours as well. No point coming to a support board when you just want to continue on with this. He is not going to change. So this is your life. How does that make you feel??
I hope you find the strength that truly lets you be happy and respected as a human being.
Many hugs....
Any chance of getting out of that situation?
I know this is a bit OT in respect to your relationship issue , but if you are intelligent and skilled enough to pull off disability, I am pretty sure you can take charge of your relationship without advice from people like myself.
He's JUST A GUY. You'll be back again carrying the blues about how terrible he is when he showing you how terrible he is.