I don't know how to feel about this... I knew that my fiancee' had a video of him and his ex fiance having sex on the computer. I told him how it made me feel and after about a week and a half or so, he finally deleted it off the computer. Come to find out a few weeks later, he has the same video on his phone. When I bring it up to him he says " I forget about it, until you bring it up" Now today, I had to transfer a file from our desktop onto the external hard drive, I was looking around (maybe I shouldn't have been snooping) and he's got a ton of picture's of her on there and 3 sexual video's of them together.... I feel like balling my eyes out. Why does he need to keep these? When we first got together, he mentioned to me that he considered her to be the love of his life, soul mate, and the best sex he's ever had. Now, he says that I am the love of his life and the best sex he's ever had, about the soul mate thing, he says that he doesn't believe in soul mate's anymore. I feel like I am paying the consequences for the things that she put him through when they were together. For example, he doesn't want to give me a key to the truck (a truck that I drive more than he does) because she left him in HIS vehicle and took ALL their money, he won't link me to the credit card for the same reason, and when I saw a ring I loved on a jewelry commercial the other day, he said he'd never buy a diamond again, because the last one that he bought is sitting in the bottom of the ocean. Then there's the affection issue, I constantly tell him how much I love him. How sexy he is to me, but the only time he gets serious about his love for me, is when he's drunk. Don't get me wrong, he tells me everyday, multiple times a day, that he loves me, and he's affectionate with me, but the major affectionate stuff, only comes out when he's drunk. He's told me that he's afraid to express his true feelings because of the hurt he's been through in the past. We're getting married in March. On our 6 month anniversary. (no we didn't rush into things, we dated in high school and were forced to break up but kept in touch over the years, and finally got our chance to be together in Sept) I'm scared. I don't know what I would do if I lost him. I have already been married twice. I realize today that I didn't love either of them. That I didn't know what love meant, until Jon. He has shown me the meaning of true love, and unconditional love, but when we fight (which isn't often, we have only had 3 major fights since we've been together) he always threatens to or tries to throw me out. This last time was really bad. He started to pack my suitcase to make me leave.... I am trying to make changes in my life that I know I need to make. I.E. --- Doing more around the house, getting a job, not bring up his ex's, my jealousy and my insecurities, but I am scared out of my mind at the thought of losing him. I have never felt this way about anyone in my life before! Please help. All input welcome. Thanks...
Ellie