Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
So I posted earlier this week about the BF of 10 months leaving me without any warning. I am not one to be held back so I posted another ad and got a flood of emails. Today I actually talked to one of those gentleman and after getting off the phone it set this train of thought going. I consider myself intelligent. Yet the last time around when i had multiple choices of men to pick I chose the one who had been a heroin addict(said he was clean for 8 years),Had 3 failed marriages, and all other relationships he had lasted less than a year. He had good reasons of all of them failing of course. He failed to tell me at first about the fact that him and his 3rd wife had never actually gotten a divorce and were only separated(for 3 years though). He told me he would get it started right away. He did finally get it started but its still only half paid for and sitting in the lawyers office. However he said all the right things, he did not take crap off of anyone and made me feel protected. He was more the fighter not lover type Looking back at the facts I could smack myself. YET now here I go again. Gentleman I talked to today . Does not even smoke, has 3 children who he actually sees and who is up to date on child support, Was married 13 years divorced 9 and only one relationship since then for a year and a half(first dates do not count). A heart on your sleeve. lover not a fighter type of man. Hes very shy. On paper what I said I want but again I am gravitating towards the asshole. This time I refuse to do so and I am going to meet the good guy somewhere tomorrow and give it a chance but I am afraid all I am going to think is wimp. I have got to stop this behavior of mine or I can for see one heart break after the other. Just wondering if any of you other woman out there do anything or have done something like this.
Of course there are some other great theories on here such as what summerrain said but only you know if you feel somehow insecure and as though you don't deserve better than the type you keep winding up with. I also consider myself intelligent. But in matters of the heart we don't think with our logic. Our feelings and instincts take over. As we get older and gain more relationship we start to see that we MUST incorporate our logic somewhat so we make good decisions both early on the relationship as well as later on so we can sustain it. You are aware of your patterns and that is the first step necessary towards breaking them and steering in a better direction. If it is a self-esteem issue just realize that you are worth a good man. It's not fair to the good men out there that some women decide up front (wether consciously or not) that they don't deserve to be with them. So give yourself and this nice guy you met a fair shake and realize that the "wimp" is the guy that can't make the effort to treat you with respect and kindness. That is the guy with no balls.
At the time, I didn't KNOW what I wanted. Now I have a little better sense of what I want. Physical activity partner is definitely high on the list.
I have known actual "bad boys" the kind that are covered in tattoos, do bad stuff etc. and guess what- they weren't the ones that used women and broke their hearts- the bigger uglier and meaner they seemed to be-the more loyal and loving they were to the women they loved!