Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I am at a crossroads in my life right now. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I have been with Guy #1 for over a year and a half. I love him, I care so much about him, I can't imagine my life without him. He is my best friend.
I met Guy #2 about three weeks ago. We hit it off immediately. He is basically the male version of me, in that we have so many things in common, it's crazy. He is AWESOME. Such a great guy. We have openly admitted to each other that we are crazy about each other.
Last weekend, Guy #2 went out on a limb and kissed me, even though he knew I have a boyfriend. I felt so guilty afterwards, I told Guy #1 (the boyfriend). Boyfriend was so hurt, and so angry. We were so close to breaking up, but I told him that I love him and don't want to live without him, and we decided to work through it, forgive, move past it, and improve our relationship. Guy #1 told me to never speak to Guy #2 ever again. I told Guy #2. We were both upset, but we parted ways.
Within 48 hours, I still can't get Guy #2 off of my mind. Even when I'm with Guy #1, I'm thinking about Guy #2. Yes I know, I'm a terrible person. I feel awful about it, but I can't shake the feeling.
I saw Guy #2 at a meeting a couple days ago, and we talked afterwards, even though we weren't supposed to. We both admitted that we can't stop thinking about each other. He says if I break up with Guy #1, he will give me space and time, support me in every way possible, and he would love to date me once I'm ready. I know he would make me so happy.
If I break up with Guy #1 (especially now, after what just happened), I would hurt him worse than I've hurt anyone in my life. I know I could be happy with Guy #1, if only Guy #2 was out of the picture. But he's not.
Do I break up with Guy #1, completely break his heart, and forever be hated by him, so that I'm happy with this guy who is absolutely incredible and could definitely make me happy? Or do I break all ties with Guy #2, and ignore the potential for something great to work on what I already have, and to keep my best friend?
The longer I wait, the worse this situation gets.
I have been with Guy #1 for over a year and a half. I love him, I care so much about him, I can't imagine my life without him. He is my best friend.
I met Guy #2 about three weeks ago. We hit it off immediately. He is basically the male version of me, in that we have so many things in common, it's crazy. He is AWESOME. Such a great guy. We have openly admitted to each other that we are crazy about each other.
Last weekend, Guy #2 went out on a limb and kissed me, even though he knew I have a boyfriend. I felt so guilty afterwards, I told Guy #1 (the boyfriend). Boyfriend was so hurt, and so angry. We were so close to breaking up, but I told him that I love him and don't want to live without him, and we decided to work through it, forgive, move past it, and improve our relationship. Guy #1 told me to never speak to Guy #2 ever again. I told Guy #2. We were both upset, but we parted ways.
Within 48 hours, I still can't get Guy #2 off of my mind. Even when I'm with Guy #1, I'm thinking about Guy #2. Yes I know, I'm a terrible person. I feel awful about it, but I can't shake the feeling.
I saw Guy #2 at a meeting a couple days ago, and we talked afterwards, even though we weren't supposed to. We both admitted that we can't stop thinking about each other. He says if I break up with Guy #1, he will give me space and time, support me in every way possible, and he would love to date me once I'm ready. I know he would make me so happy.
If I break up with Guy #1 (especially now, after what just happened), I would hurt him worse than I've hurt anyone in my life. I know I could be happy with Guy #1, if only Guy #2 was out of the picture. But he's not.
Do I break up with Guy #1, completely break his heart, and forever be hated by him, so that I'm happy with this guy who is absolutely incredible and could definitely make me happy? Or do I break all ties with Guy #2, and ignore the potential for something great to work on what I already have, and to keep my best friend?
The longer I wait, the worse this situation gets.
Do you REALLY love your boyfriend? Just be honest with yourself. Would your relationship end right now if you have not met another man?
Only you know the answer.
We are all faced with temptation in our lives and this is not the last time that it happened.
On one hand, if you do not go for the guy #2 you will never find out if he is your true love or not.
On the other hand, if you hop from one guy to another every time you meet a guy that you "click" with, it can have horrible consequences, never mind the fact that you will be hurting the person you are with.
Truth hurts sometimes, but it is an honorable thing to do.
If I was in your shoes I would tell your boyfriend that you are not ready to be in a serious, committed relationship right now and want to date other people.
He will eventually move on.
I hope it works out for you. Be good.
If you're not honest with yourself and use this situation as an opportunity to learn about yourself then you may be in danger of repeating your pattern over and over.
Sometimes we have people in our lives with admirable qualities, we find their sense of humor, moral stance, etc. as wonderful..we love the type of person they are but not the person. Does this make sense?
In the end I agree with Aronia. You're not being fair to either guy and you're not being fair to yourself if you don't decide what it is you want. Do you want to be in a serious (this may be forever, may turn into marriage) relationship, or are you in the prime of a dating life that you wish to explore. That's ok, but don't do it half way as it's incredibly selfish to play your interests while you're figuring it out and putting someone else's life and feelings under such turmoil.
I'd say if you've yet to figure out who you want to be with then perhaps ending both relationships instead of stringing each along while you figure it out is the answer. With distance comes clarity after all.
Good luck
I just want to add ~ Be 20! You're a young woman who needs to explore her world and check things out. You have plenty of time to get serious later in life ~ after you learn what it is you want and need in a life partner. This education takes time; and these lessons will entail falling, hurting and making mistakes.
The only thing I would like to suggest is...don't create an ongoing circle of deceit. Your actions will always have a ripple effect when someone else is involved. Try to do your very, very best to be honorable, kind, thoughtful and true. And remember, what has been said here, ...temptation will be in your path your entire life.
Good luck ~
One piece of advice here is to keep in mind that there are two kinds of romantic love. The first kind is what's going on with Guy#2. It is that initial dizzying, consuming love/lust that most people call "love". This almost invariably fades the longer you know someone to a love that is based on familiarity, trust, and commitment. This is what you have with Guy#1, most likely.
Comparing these two types of love is almost impossible; it's apples and oranges. This is how you get into a pattern of being with people and leaving them for new people. The bang-zoom first kind of love is always more immediate and intense.
To make decisions like that, you need every bit of maturity you can muster and even people decades older than you have trouble.
(sigh) Life is full of tough choices. You're young. Try guy #2!