Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Hi there.
I've been going out with a guy for abouth two months now, but so far there hadn't been any talk about defining the relationship and it was making me uncomfortable because I'm not so open minded to have an open relationship, I'm cheesy and I like to be called "girlfriend" and that sort of thing.
Last night I brought up the subject and he asked me if I wanted to be in a more serious relationship and I said yes, he then told me how much he likes me but he feels I'm still carrying a lot of baggage and that is not fair for him because I'm asking him to be more serious and at the same time putting up a wall (that part I get), but all this comes from the fact that I'm very shy and it's hard for me to be around new people and I panic.
I know there's still thing I need to deal with from the abuse in my past and I thought I was doing that already, according to him I'm not, but I've always been shy, is that such a terrible thing? Is not that I love it but at this point in my life I thought it was just the way I am, it takes me time to open up and trust people.
And the thing that's bothering me is that after all that, at the end of the night he tried to have sex, told him I wasn't in the mood, I mean, ok, you don't think is fair for you to be in a relationship with me if I have baggage, but is it fair to me to have to settle for less that I want while you still get your way?
I hate dating...
I've been going out with a guy for abouth two months now, but so far there hadn't been any talk about defining the relationship and it was making me uncomfortable because I'm not so open minded to have an open relationship, I'm cheesy and I like to be called "girlfriend" and that sort of thing.
Last night I brought up the subject and he asked me if I wanted to be in a more serious relationship and I said yes, he then told me how much he likes me but he feels I'm still carrying a lot of baggage and that is not fair for him because I'm asking him to be more serious and at the same time putting up a wall (that part I get), but all this comes from the fact that I'm very shy and it's hard for me to be around new people and I panic.
I know there's still thing I need to deal with from the abuse in my past and I thought I was doing that already, according to him I'm not, but I've always been shy, is that such a terrible thing? Is not that I love it but at this point in my life I thought it was just the way I am, it takes me time to open up and trust people.
And the thing that's bothering me is that after all that, at the end of the night he tried to have sex, told him I wasn't in the mood, I mean, ok, you don't think is fair for you to be in a relationship with me if I have baggage, but is it fair to me to have to settle for less that I want while you still get your way?
I hate dating...
So, what do you think you will do? Have another talk or walk away?
The other guy I met him through a dating site, no friends in common and no common background so that adds to the scary factor, he's a stranger.
Aronia: I'm seeing him today and I guess another talk is on the menu, I expressed last time that maybe I'd just put some distance between us for a while and he said he didn't really want that, truth is I enjoy his company and if he thinks I'm not ready (and that should be my call really..) or if truth is he's not ready (and he was in fact projecting himself) then I'm willing to be friends but just that, it's up to him if he wants that or a relationship, but I'm not doing the casual thing with him anymore.
Jaymee, that's the funny part, his friends always refers to us as a couple and we were going out pretty much every weekend in public and he would hold my hand and kiss me, so the more I think about it the more I think this is less about me and my issues and more about him.
Anyway, we'll see how it goes today, if it ends I'll be a bit dissapointed but I'm not gonna lose any sleep, I'm gonna be ok whatever happens.
I do hope the 2 of you can work things out.