It doesn't sound like she is ready to be in a serious relationship by her actions. I would suggest and I know it isn't easy but don't see her anymore as she may be 18 she still needs a lot of growing up to do. For all you know she has lied about everything her parents said as well about you. Anyway give yourself some time to heal and focus on hanging out with good friends and meeting new people. When the time is right I have no doubt you will meet someone that is right for you:)

This was a little bit confusing but if I have it right she's telling you that her parents don't approve of your relationship because of race. I understand that there's more to the story and I feel there's something vital missing from the story. It doesn't sound to me as though her parents have that much of an issue with race. At 18 years old her parents have probably figured out that they cannot pick her friends. The friend that was allowed to stay the night was a girl-friend. Girl- friends are different from having boyfriends.

What has your presentation been to her parents? In a situation where race can be an issue have you put your best black foot (sorry)forward? have you represented yourself in the best possible light? Once upon a time bf/gf's wanted to make a good impression on the parents, those days are missing in action.

I believe you're believing what she is telling you without using all of the information in front of you. It sounds to me that she's breaking up with you and it has nothing to do with race. Think about it her parents can't be too strict if they're allowing a 28 year old (forget about race) spend the night.

No The friend that spent the night was a guy friend and they ended up having sex. and her stepmom saw them and just walked out of the room.

I talked to her last night and no its definitely my race her dad and stepmom dont like. When we talked last night she asked was their any chance I would ever forgive her I told her one day but probably no time soon because if she didn't know what was going on between us she should have stopped to think of my feelings. This is the 3rd of 4th time she has done something before thinking about it with other guys or she says she didnt think about it before she did it. Bottom line is I'm fed up with her doing stuff on the spur of moment and expecting me to just forget it ever happened.

Sweetie, She's not ready to be in a relationship. If I were you I would move on. :( Sorry.

Agree. Move on! She is not ready for a real relationship. And it will probably happen again, and maybe not just from habit. At 18 the brain still goes on intuition/feeling more than logic/reason. The logical reasoning just hasn't matured enough yet. This is not a bad thing, it is supposed to be that way, but if an 18 yr old girl decides it's okay to let her feelings control everything and her parents let men in all the time...well guess what, the same old story will happen again. It is obviously your life, but if I was going through that I would just go find another girl who has matured a little more. Good Luck!

After last night I believe it is best me and her never see eachother again. I went to her house to see her because she wanted me to come over but while I was their she was texting the guy she was intimate with the weekend before. Well on Monday me and her decided to give it another try and then last night I could tell from the way she was talking to that guy that she had feelings for him and they appeared to be stronger than the ones she had for me. Last night I asked her did she want to be with me at all and she said give her time to try to get rid of the feelings for that guy. The only way she could have feelings for that guy thats that strong is if she had them while me and her were together for all of those months. I asked her and she said she "kinda" had feelings for her so last I tried as hard as I could to tell her it was over but I couldn't. Has anyone ever experienced this kind of dilemma? You know you need to end all ties with a person but you don't want to see them with anyone else other than you?

OK look, this is unhealthy all of the way around. her sleeping with someone else while she was unsure of what was left of the two of you was very immature. but then again she's 18. If I had a daugther I wouldn't advise her to be in a relationship that would tie her down at that age. I wouldn't advise her to be so loose with her body either. You both are too young to willing be involved with such drama and unhealthiness.

I can't say the rest of what I want to say in such a public forum but it amazes me at the things people will go through for the wrong person.


Move on and stop accepting so much disrespect. She has already pinned you as a person who can be overlooked. No respectable women will be as bold as to admit to the things she has said to you.

I understand that but what is the point of girls saying they want a serious and committed relationship if their not willing to take it serious let alone be committed these days. I've only dated white girls but I just don't get why they let the family have so much influence in how they treat a relationship the way I see it is, if you know you care about your families opinions in a relationship why even bother going through it?

I agree with Jac Jac.

She seems young, immature, and indecisive. How can she say she wants a serious and committed relationship and then turn around and lie (You said she told you this "Well I asked her did anything happen at first she said no and then she said yes") and then possibly cheat. I know she said she wasn't sure what your status was when she was sleeping with that other guy, but she should have talked to you about the relationship status before getting intimate with that man.

Communication, honesty, and trust are important in any healthy relationship.

Firstly dude, I'm going to jump in here and say that not all cheaters are always going to cheat(I know no one has really said that, but it will come up eventually)...but those who do it serially, definitely aren't going to stop anytime soon. She's not ready for a serious relationship.

Secondly, part of me thinks that her guy habits have alot to do with rebelling. Just from what you've written, she dates you even though her family has huge issues with it, she sleeps with a 28 year old, honestly it looks alot like she's just looking to be different.

Thirdly and most importantly, you need to move on man. I've been here before, was with a woman for five years and she cheated on me 12 times that i know of. It'll never be healthy, and I'm sorry that it is like that. I agree with katiebell. Spend some time being single, and you'll find someone. Don't torture yourself in this, cause it's just going to get worse.

I hope it all works out for you, I really do.

I DITTO Benson's post.

You've only dated white girls and don't understand why they allow their families to be such an influence? I have a lot of issues with this statement.

I am weiry of a man who doesn't like a women being so close to her family. Families will be there when men/women come and go.

Also, does this mean that black women don't have families to be close to? Why is it that you feel black women don't have families that influence our lives? You're 20 years old how much are you providing for this girl? Her parents provide her with food and shelter and most people no matter the race understand that these are necessities in life. You've only dated white girls so you it seems you should have a better understanding of them. At least this is my perception.

Your demeanor, at this point, is at the line of my person feelings on this matter. You are over emphasizing her race and it's conjuring ill feellings from me. Are you expecting greatness from her because of her race? No matter her race this is a bunch of drama and you're adding to it by seeing race and not seeing reality.

How do yall find the statements I say so bad? I mean I know their family should have some input but no one should have to live their whole live with fear that if they dont listen to their family they will stop talking to them. I mean once a girl turns 18 she should be able to date who she wants or at least have a say so in who she dates instead of her family choosing it for her.

I never said a girl shouldn't be close to their family but I just don't believe a persons family should have a bigger input in who they date than the person themself.

And its nothing against black women I've just never dated any black women so I wouldn't know anything about what their families do.

and I dont expect perfection about from anyone I just don't believe people should let their families tell them who they can and cant date is all.

As a matter of fact this whole discussion is closed I'm done posting on it because I really hate when people misinterpret the things I say.