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Do I avoid?

september2014
september2014
My boyfriend and I were together for a year and a half and just broke up. He has a lot of demons and personal struggles that he needs to manage before he can have a successful relationship. That being said, we didn't have a horrible breakup, but it certainly wasn't a GOOD one either. We frequented the same spots before we met and went there together and now I see that we both continue to do so now that we're apart. Certain restaurants, locales, bars, etc. What do I with that information? He obviously isn't too worried about running into me if he's continuing to go to these places and I don't want to feel like I have to give up my favorite spots just because he's there. My friends spend time there as well. I know the initial run in will probably be awkward and I don't think either one of is interested in watching the other flirt with other people, but I'd just rather get it over with. He always had all the "power" in the relationship and it's become a personal mission for me to prove that he's not going to just run me out of the places that I'm comfortable being to make his life easier.
koolman
koolman
I'd keep going to your favorite places. If he comes up to you and wants to talk, say you want to be alone. You're both adults and can behave like adults. Neither one of you should have to give up going to your favorite places, but he should respect your personal boundaries when you're in those places.
SheByTheSea
SheByTheSea
No, don't avoid. Go and enjoy.
Aronia
Aronia
I would avoid these places on the days when i feel weepy or sad about the break up. It will just make things worse if you run into him.
Eventually, it wont be a problem anymore, but for now i wouldn't go out of my way to go there.
11Christmases
11Christmases
I have a different opinion than some of the other posters. I believe that no-contact is the way to go in a break-up. You seem to be looking at it as giving him the power to run you out of places, but if you still go to the same old places, he will know what you are up to and that gives him even more power, in my opinion. I say find new things to do, new friends (you don't have to ditch your old ones, but you have more time now to make more friends), and avoid those places for a while. Let him wonder what you're doing and who you're out with (or not). Don't give him the power to flirt with other people in front of you, or to get into your mind at all.
happymama2j
happymama2j
i would say try to find a happy medium. don't let him take away places you love, but i wholeheartedly agree with 11Christmases comment, "Don't give him the power to flirt with other people in front of you." in some ways i think being in the same places at the same time would just be unhealthy for you at least for awhile, as you'll either have to worry about being affected by what he does, or about him possibly influencing what you do. i would not give up your places. rather, if you know he's somewhere, go one of your other favorite places maybe. or if you happen to run into him, maybe have a drink or 2 there and then move on so it's not a continued thing. not immediately leaving or anything like that. but also being able to mix it up and try new places and/or integrate many of your old places into one night. i had an ex that would show up where i was with my friends and just stare at me all night, it made everything less fun. i liked being able to have 1 or 2, then move on happily with my friends, and he didnt have the nerve to follow us.
koolman
koolman
Hmmm...rethinking my original position...

If going to the same old places triggers the same old feelings, might be time to change up, try somewhere new.
Lenoire
Lenoire
I do agree with both sides, however, the most important thing is you and how you will feel. Perhaps you can go back to these old watering holes some day, but for now, I should think it would be fun to try new places, and make a new start.

Don't concern yourself with him and his power, he's gone, and you'll be letting him back in if you go back to those places. You have nothing to prove to him, or anyone else, simply detach and release. Concern yourself only with yourself, and your new beginning.

Take the high road.

I wish you well.