I’m sorry this is happening and right now you are not alone as I think politics is causing a lot of rifts in families, friendships and relationships these days.

My husband and I have always had different views as well.. We rarely engage in political discussions with each other because of that. I just simply vote for who I want to. vote for and he does the same.. I don’t reveal to anyone who I vote for including my husband. How would your husband know unless he stands right next to you as you fill out your ballot?

Your husband acts like a bully if he threatens you with divorce because you don’t do what he says. Do you think he would really divorce you or does he use that because he knows it scares you so you’ll back down.
Coercion Is generally not a trait of a caring spouse.

I would tell him I apprentice his opinion but you have a right to vote the way you want to.

Hello and thank you for sharing,
I am sympathetic to your plight, you say its not, but is sounds bullying. Hurtful even which is another form of bullying.
You should be able to have an open, safe and honest conversation about politics with your spouse, and even be able to loving disagree with them.
I agree you are not going to change him, and change even if he wanted to might not be possible with as old as he is with set in values.
So focus on yourself, love yourself as God loves you without question.
Vote how you wish to vote, keep your boundaries, respect yourself.
There is nothing wrong with you seeking profession help either, being honest with ourselves and allowing the outsiders to help shows great will and love.

I pray you are safe and healthy.

Welcome to the board Greyishbunny.... This is bullying and control

I simply wouldn't discuss it again and vote for who you want to... YOUR vote is not up to him period and giving up your vote shouldn't be up to him... That's not cool at all

I think rmb has it right when she states 'I won't discuss who I'm voting for"..

Big hug.... . xo

Controlling spouse

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201506/20-signs-your-partner-is-controlling

If my wife said that to me I would immediately know right where the state of our relationship stood. And then take her up on the divorce offer.
Unless I felt that fear was overwhelming her sense of what’s right. And I imagine that this is the case here.
I was reading about a letter from Ancient Greek times where they were wringing their hands thinking that they were on the verge of democratic collapse. 2500 years later..... here we are...... again.

Thanks, everyone. I wish it was as simple as voting without discussing it, but he knows how I would vote without me spelling it out. If I want to vote without it creating our own "constitutional crisis," it would have to be done in secret. Since I was planning to do mail in, I could probably find a way to "sneak" a ballot into a mailbox. Trouble is... I don't do sneaky and I am not capable of deliberately lying when asked a question directly. To try to hide it would eat at my craw and would probably be more harmful to my mental health than the alternative. Yes, it does feel like bullying and coercion, and that's is why it's so upsetting. If this was at all a regular sort of thing, I would have been gone decades ago. But he's only this way about one particular, narrow, political issue. Like so many in the country these days, he thoroughly demonizes the "other" side. So, for me to vote for the "other" side, he'd see me as having gone over to the enemy. It'd be like I'd suddenly become a Nazi or grew horns. Putting myself in his shoes, I can understand his feelings. And yes, I do believe he'd follow through, insane and destructive as it would be. Believe it or not, he's otherwise a very considerate, caring guy with a good sense of humor. Ugh, American politics! Wish I was Canadian.

But the act of voting is intended to be done in secret, hence the stalls and curtains that allow for privacy. So
your husband not only is coercing you into voting his way but not affording you the right to vote without you having to announce who you are voting for. I mean every person has that right except you? If he loves America and freedom surely he must think freedom extends to his own wife. If you love freedom, you must love it completely, for everyone, even when it doesn’t suit your own ideas or is uncomfortable. That too is across the board.

Look, all relationships are different because people are all different so I’m trying to not judge the relationship at all or even your husband. I think politics has made almost everyone lose their mind and any sense if decorum, across the board, even though not everyone cops to that.

It is entirely possible for people who love and care for each other to have polar opposite political views and maintain political autonomy. Why? Because they CHOOSE to still love that person. That’s it. That’s how you are able to tolerate your husband‘s divorce threat right now. You are choosing to love him despite the lunacy. He needs to man up and do the same for you, regardless of your politics.

I don't know if you looked at the controlling partner link however here is number 3

And I have to say that by not allowing you to vote YOUR choice it's giving up your freedom in America

We have different parties in Canada as well.... xo

Veiled or overt threats, against you or them. Some people think that threats have to be physical in nature to be problematic. But threats of leaving, cutting off "privileges," or even threats by the controlling person to harm herself or himself can be every bit as emotionally manipulative as the threat of physical violence. It is not unheard of for the partner being controlled to feel stuck in a relationship not out of fear that they themselves will be harmed, but that their partner may self-destruct or harm themselves if they were to leave. Other times, a person may be threatened with losing their home, access to their children, or financial support if they leave a controlling or abusive partner (or are left by them). Whether or not the threats are genuine, it is just another way for the controlling person to get what they want at the expense of their partner.

Yes, you're all absolutely correct. What he's doing is probably even technically illegal since it amounts to voter suppression or intimidation (another ugly American phenomenon these days). Nevertheless, I have, as I see it, only 2 bad choices and I've determined that one is significantly less bad than the other. What I'm really hoping for here are healthy ways to cope with my own emotions and maintain my sanity. :) Maybe this does belong in an Anxiety forum?

Sorry you are right. You are just trying to manage the anxiety and emotions. It is a challenge to do that in a healthy manner when the cause of it is unhealthy to begin with. If you are religious it might help for you to speak to someone one on one at your house of worship, a pastor, priest, rabbi, etc for counsel.

First of all, it is wrong for your husband to say to you what he has about divorcing you for voting differently than him. I am going to say you should vote your conscience. Period.

Has he always been bullying -- that is for you to decide. Or is this something new? Because I am going to assume you guys are over age 60. Sometimes a change in how a person thinks and behaves later in life can be the start of dementia or loss of executive functioning. Just mentioning it, not saying this is a fact for him.

Personally, I would deeply consider this situation and I would refuse to talk politics to anyone who bullies. I have friends and coworkers who bully politically and it is awful. We get political bullying and spin every night in the news. The lack of respect and tolerance in our country is mind blowing. If it were me, and I have learned to no longer tolerate bullying since I divorced my ex of 30 years marriage, I would call husband's bluff. I would say, well then I guess we will divorce. If I thought husband was serious, I would go immediately and consult a good divorce attorney to protect myself. You want to stay and appease him, I get that, but for me I was losing my soul to the demeaning and bullying and lack of respect.

So perhaps your anxiety is your mind and body telling you to take charge of the situation and not allow anyone to bully and demean you in this manner. Consider whether until you do what is right for your mind, soul, body in reclaiming your value and worth, you may continue to have anxiety. This is what I found in being married so long to my bully and narcissist.

How I cope with politics in the USA is getting educated. I don't read any mainstream news as complete truth, they mislead and spin. So I have found many non-mainstream sources that are well known names that give both sides of the story. I read several articles on a particular issue. I taught myself how to recognize the BS and the spin. Now I know what is "truth" and both sides and then I make up my own mind. Knowing my opinion is the key to my feeling okay inside my head about me. I will say I had terrible anxiety and anger watching last night's debate. At both candidates and the moderator. What is wrong with people? Not pointing a finger to any single one of them, they all were in the wrong. So I could not sleep well. I think we are going to have even more upheaval after this debacle. So to cope, I am staying busy today. I have a list of chores I am doing. I want to go outside also. Read a good book. Not watch the news tonight (except our local non-political news channel.) Do some meditation or mindfulness. Watch comedy on TV. Listen to non-political pod casts or radio. I also have painters in my house this morning and that gives me anxiety because later I will have to clean up.

Good luck on this. It is hard.

This is a link to the Anxiety board on here sweetie.... It's good and it's active.... Big hug....xo

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/anxiety

My wife's in the same boat, not divorce, but mad. She's very, very, pro-Trump, I think he did a reasonably good job first 3 years, but handling of Covid has been one big cluster...k. I could deal with his craziness when things were good, hey you double your sales quota, and show up at 11:30, park in the bosses spot, orders 2 sandwiches and fart at a meeting, I can deal with it. But when things go bad, it's hard to deal with craziness, the salesman who can't meet quota and doesn't turn in reports or listen to criticism is a problem.

Do I tell her, I'm voting the other way, my inclination is not to vote. But no, divorce is ridiculous., people have different views.

This wouldn't make me anxious--it would make me FURIOUS! Yes, political views tug at the core of who we are, but two people in a marriage should be able to love and respect each other, at least try to understand each other's political views, even if we do not happen to agree with them.

It sounds like your husband's about your age and clearly set in his ways. It happens to a lot of people when they get older. But this is no excuse for his power-mongering.

Divorce and living alone would be preferrable to me than the hellhole of walking on eggshells to appease an overbearing, unreasonable partner.

Thanks again, everyone. I appreciate it so much that you understand. To reiterate, it's just one truly stinking political issue that elicits his outrageous behavior come election time. I even mostly agree with him, but not to the point that I can be a single issue voter and sacrifice my other values to vote for his pet candidate. Ugh. His passion about the issue blinds him. He's really not a bully. I speak from 40 years experience here. In fact, I think he defers to my preferences far more often than he should. No divorce! Not at 73 (he's 74) when we're both retired and living on a fixed income. Not after 40 years of marriage. It would destroy us both financially and emotionally and would greatly disturb our grown kids. There's nothing to gain there - just misery and pain and poverty. Big hugs to you for your thoughtful comments and for caring :) Will probably go visit the anxiety forum.