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I'd like to know how you would react to this situation:
A little while ago, I helped a friend out with a project. This person afterwards said that they (I'll keep this gender-neutral) wanted to treat me to a meal to thank me for the effort I made. I said it wasn't necessary, but they insisted. I finally accepted.
We made plans to get together one day, but they cancelled. Then, after a long time, we got back in touch. Again, we made plans to get together, and this time, I wound up picking up an order they placed at a restaurant, and after paying for it myself took it back to my friend's place. I had the understanding that my friend was treating me; but by the end of the night, my friend hadn't mentioned the bill.
I didn't feel comfortable saying, "So... are you going to treat me to the dinner?" I felt that if my friend wanted to offer, they would offer; if not, then not.
Instead, I said, "Do you want to split the cost of the meal?" Their reply: Oh, yeah... I forgot all about that. How much was it again? I'll give you half.
I accepted the money.
To be fair, this friend offered me some dessert and tea and even a small gift from a recent place they had visited. Monetarily, though, my half of the dinner still cost more. But that's besides the point; this person had offered to treat me, and that's in part why I agreed to have dinner with them this time.
So... what do you think?
Am I right to feel resentful? To feel kind of duped?
Or should I accept this friend's lack of offering to treat me with grace? ...The person did, after all, give me a tiny gift and a bit of hospitality with dessert and drink.
A little while ago, I helped a friend out with a project. This person afterwards said that they (I'll keep this gender-neutral) wanted to treat me to a meal to thank me for the effort I made. I said it wasn't necessary, but they insisted. I finally accepted.
We made plans to get together one day, but they cancelled. Then, after a long time, we got back in touch. Again, we made plans to get together, and this time, I wound up picking up an order they placed at a restaurant, and after paying for it myself took it back to my friend's place. I had the understanding that my friend was treating me; but by the end of the night, my friend hadn't mentioned the bill.
I didn't feel comfortable saying, "So... are you going to treat me to the dinner?" I felt that if my friend wanted to offer, they would offer; if not, then not.
Instead, I said, "Do you want to split the cost of the meal?" Their reply: Oh, yeah... I forgot all about that. How much was it again? I'll give you half.
I accepted the money.
To be fair, this friend offered me some dessert and tea and even a small gift from a recent place they had visited. Monetarily, though, my half of the dinner still cost more. But that's besides the point; this person had offered to treat me, and that's in part why I agreed to have dinner with them this time.
So... what do you think?
Am I right to feel resentful? To feel kind of duped?
Or should I accept this friend's lack of offering to treat me with grace? ...The person did, after all, give me a tiny gift and a bit of hospitality with dessert and drink.
There is no way they "forgot" about the bill and I'm pretty sure that, had you not mentioned it, you'd have ended up paying for it all.
Don't sweat the small stuff, and everything is small stuff. Or as my best friend says "is this gonna matter 10 years from now?"
Is this a continuing pattern for your friend?
Also, you initially refused their offer of a meal for thank you; maybe they took your word that a meal really wasn't necessary. And maybe they thought the gift was an adequate "thank you".
Even if they had forgotten their offer to treat you to a meal, why would they expect you to pay for their meal? Perhaps they didn't. Perhaps they simply forgot to pay you their share, until you mentioned it.
It sounds like their was a lack of communication over the whole dinner thing, because had you thought it was their treat it would have been better to have simply handed them the bill and thank them...
If they're good friends, I'd let it go this time.
It's very possible that they forgot about treating you to dinner, or thought you didn't want them to since plans were cancelled and it has been a while.
Yes, I'm going to try to let it go. I really do think my friend just forgot about the bill that evening not that they were trying to get out of paying it. And I do think the previous offer slipped their mind.
We've been friends for a long time now.
One thing I am working on is being more open, and assertive, with my feelings towards friends. It's not always easy. But I think I'm making progress.
if so, then you should have arranged "payment" prior to doing the work.
if not, then i wouldn't ruin a friendship over something so trivial.