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Dick no good or no good dick ???

beccakitten5
beccakitten5
To jump straight to the point my husband seems to have gone off sex or perhaps off me quite dramatically in the last few months. We used to have really quite fantastic sex now zippo, I always have to initiate and most of the time he turns me down. When we do have sex its frankly rather shit, he wont do forplay, doesnt seem that keen on the sex itself and keeps stopping frequently to stop himself from cumming which has never been a problem before. He knows how much it upsets me as ive told him he is making me feel unattractive, unloved and un cared for but his exuse is hes tired and over worked which I dont really think is the issue as men have far higher sex drives and needs than women regardless. Not bragging but I have a great figure, im 20 years younger than him and rather good in bed and do everything he wants in real life so im really trying to believe him when he says its not because of a loss of attraction to me. However he also says its not a medical problem and im quite worried he must be getting it somewhere else if not from me. I just want someone elses perspective on this, do you think hes cheating or have you been in a similar situation? xx
jaymee4647
jaymee4647
I would do some recon... Texts email, social media, picture on computer and on his cell phone... GPS on his car... Then when that's all clear .. Ask him to go to the doctor to have his testosterone checked. If that's okay go to marriage counseling
Good luck
leather2lace
leather2lace
Well you're wrong in thinking that men have far higher sex drives and sexual needs than women. Libido and sexual needs are not gender specific.

Has your husband discussed this with his doctor to rule out any medical issues that can be causing his loss of sexual interest. There are many medical problems that can cause it but he would have to be honest with his doctor to find out. He can have something wrong with him he's not aware of. Being tired, stressed, feeling overworked, overwhelmed, relationship problems, etc. can also cause a loss of interest.
beccakitten5
beccakitten5
Heya jaymee, have done the crazy gal snooping thing and all I found out was 5 years ago he had a fling with his ex wife during the divorce process whilst he was seeing another woman. When I asked outright if there was someone else he was annoyed and said he wasnt like that and I shouldnt have doubts about him and that people who make accusations are usually the ones cheating which seems like deflection to me but there you go. As for yours and leather2lace's medical suggestions I find he gets quite affronted by the suggestion though I would like him to go for a full checkup in that department.
koolman
koolman
He might just be really tired...which might be due to a health issue. Let us know the results of his checkup.
LAC2cali
LAC2cali
Heya Beccakitten, you came here for advice. From the way you described things with your H, I would not call jaymee's advice "crazy gal snooping." As I was reading your note, I was thinking what jaymee suggested. Isn't that what you were alluding to in your headline, no good dick?

IDK, personally, just for piece of mind and answers, I'd do some recon just to make sure it wasn't something I was doing that was causing him to shut down. But that's just me.

Good luck.
gustokitty
gustokitty
If 5 years ago he was getting divorced, then I am wondering how long is your relationship with him. Perhaps the honeymoon phase just wore off. And 20 years can make a difference in the sex department. Men start to slow down around 40ish.
Aronia
Aronia
How old is he? This may be a medical issue
ScarletAngel
ScarletAngel
Why does your profile say you are a "single mum"?
beccakitten5
beccakitten5
He's 45 and he doesn't seem keen on going to the doctors or accepting that it might be a medical issue so I really don't know what's going on. It says single mum on my profile because that was the case when I set it up about a year and a half ago and this is the first time I've used it since. I don't think we've been together long enough fo the honeymoon period to be over but I could be wrong. Its just very upsetting as this is when we're supposed to be our happiest and trying to expand our family. Xx
ScarletAngel
ScarletAngel
Are you sure he really wants to expand the family? Or is he just saying this to keep you happy? Maybe he is thinking "holy shit, I'll be 60+ when the kids graduates high school!!"
gustokitty
gustokitty
good point scarlet. I didnt' realize becca was trying to get preggars.
jaymee4647
jaymee4647
My knee jerk reaction is to say something about your age difference. But if this is a deal breaker just tell him. If he doesn't go see a Dr about his medical condition you will________. This can be a sign of true health problems, especially vascular. He is 45 not to young to have cardiac issues.
Couple of questions first, apparently he doesn't have ED if wouldn't get hard if he did. Can he maintain an erection? Does it appear that he is in pain when he ejaculates? He could have prostate issues. Is he on high blood pressure medication? Beta blockers can cause sexual dysfunction.
If there is a no to all of that. I would be better at the recon. Does he work late? Often? I would at least gps his car... Or better his phone. If he has an iPhone you can look up frequent visited locations. If u don't know how to just google it. Make sure you click on each location. If you should see a lot activity at work and home and maybe the gym. Any other location with a lot of activity I would look into that.
Lovinsimple
Lovinsimple
I'm a little confused and I hope I don't sound silly asking this. But if he has to stop himself from cumming does that not mean that he gets very aroused? Then how is he not interested if he is getting that aroused? I don't know of any medical problem that would do that.

Now if you had said that he had difficulty getting and maintaining erections I would definitely suggest some kind of medical/aging problem. Just a thought.
koolman
koolman
Yeah, he might be a little gun-shy on spilling more seed and "expanding the family". When it was just sex, without the desire to progenize, all was well and good. I'd be like: "In 20 years, I'll be saying "Oh my GOD! My daughter just started college! There goes another social security check!" Kids eat up retirement plans in a hurry. Is he financially concerned about expanding the family?
jaymee4647
jaymee4647
If there is a tumor on the prostate it could constrict the vas defrans and cause pain. He doesn't sound like a sharing kind of guy. Maybe he is avoiding it because it hurts.
http://prostatitishome.com/prostatitis_vas_deferens_pain.html

If not, no idea why someone would do that. Unless it's to avoid having children as someone else suggested.