Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
How to do it? Does anyone has been through this before?
My 1 year old relationship is being flooded with dishonesty. My bf 28 has insecurities regarding his height. He thinks he is short, i dont think so. I tried to complement him and pretended I don t know he suffers from being short. But it did not work out at all.
He recently joind an old forum he used to frequent, and he is describing how "soul crushing" it is to be short. That no woman will like a short man, and all the rest. I did snoop in his phone and found this out. Why? Because he is insecure and I was afraid he will do something damaging to me and to the relationship because of it. When I confronted him, he denied. He simply lied to me. I am trying now to keep myself from not reading what he writes on that forum, and try to trust him but it is really difficult.
I honestly do not know how to approach his insecurities. Should I tell him to man up or else I go, should I stop sticking my nose, should I accept it?...
My 1 year old relationship is being flooded with dishonesty. My bf 28 has insecurities regarding his height. He thinks he is short, i dont think so. I tried to complement him and pretended I don t know he suffers from being short. But it did not work out at all.
He recently joind an old forum he used to frequent, and he is describing how "soul crushing" it is to be short. That no woman will like a short man, and all the rest. I did snoop in his phone and found this out. Why? Because he is insecure and I was afraid he will do something damaging to me and to the relationship because of it. When I confronted him, he denied. He simply lied to me. I am trying now to keep myself from not reading what he writes on that forum, and try to trust him but it is really difficult.
I honestly do not know how to approach his insecurities. Should I tell him to man up or else I go, should I stop sticking my nose, should I accept it?...
I'm not sure if you're tall or same height as him, which would be tall in his eyes, or shorter than him, but if he isn't comfortable enough to disclose this major insecurity with you, he may, at some point, seek or meet with, someone he can open up to. These deep-rooted irrational insecurities have a way of festering and manifesting into self-destructive behaviour.
You speak of forming insecurities that never existed, because of his refusal to let you in; who wouldn't? What's worse is that he's using self-pity to manipulate you so that you feel sorry for him, and overlook things that may otherwise raise a red flag.
Have you not opened yourself up to him, or do you hide things about yourself from him? So how is it fair that he won't do this with you? If you suspect something is going on with a significant other, and they're not forthcoming, you have every right to snoop to discover the magnitude of it.
And unfortunately, my name is not one that was chosen randomly. Your situation is completely different than mine, but I trusted and didn't snoop, until the day I came across a fatal motel receipt that changed everything in my relationship.
Please be careful, and give yourself permission to ask him anything you need to know. You are the most important person here, and if you allow him his secrecy, your newly formed insecurities will grow and change you.
Wishing you well.
It appears that you are starting to feel responsible for his issues and can do something to "make things better" for him. This too is problematic for a healthy relationship.
The difficult part is - there is nothing you can do to change his mind.
He has to do it on his own. Has he gone to therapy?
I kind of underrstand why he hides some feelings from me and maybe I am wrong for trying to help (which might be seen as interfearing in his business) but I do whish he would have been more opened with me. As a man, you might know how people react when you show some insecurities. But in a relationship I believe in being opened and showing the real you. When my bf doesn t do this I wonder if he is in fact trustworthy. Is he hiding more things about himself? A heart breaks easily and I am afraid to pretend the world is a harmless place
You did so well replying to the original subject and then immediately started steering towards your agenda. It is just rude. I understand you are upset and yes, you do have the right to your opinion, but you are seriously taking away other people's turn because your references turn into huge 100+ post arguments which have almost nothing to do with the OP.
If you insist on crashing this board, then at least try to contain your stuff to a separate post.
Let the change begin with you!! Have a daughter and socialize her to believe that older men are the Cat's Pajamas! From the time she is cognitive, sell her on the reasons that she should date older men as soon as she is 18. Make sure that you socialize YOUR daughter the way you feel young women should be socialized!
You refuse to understand how flawed your thinking is, Hero. As women we get to choose. If society tells women WHO to be attracted to and they follow the rules of society how do you explain lesbians?? If another woman can score with a pretty young thing, you should be able to as well, Hero. Now stop blaming society and take some personal responsibility!