Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I am in need of serious advice. I have caught feelings for my friends ex "fling" and idk how to handle it. First let me explain their relationship.... They were on and off for maybe a year but even though it was just a fling, she had more real feelings for him than he had for her. But he is still like that one ex that's off limits to everyone else... If that makes sense. I did have relations with him in the past... About a year ago I guess, but I cut it off because I felt so guilty about it. But he seems to keep popping up in my life somehow; and each time it gets harder and harder to turn him down. I do actually want to be with him and I saw him today for the first time in awhile and it really confirmed my feelings. But I don't know how to tell her. Not to mention all of our mutual friends would probably judge the hell out of me.
as if it's not already complicated enough... I am currently seeing someone now. We haven't been seeing each other for long bc in the beginning we just couldn't get along. But this time around everything has been great! However, I don't see myself with him in the long run. It's fun and I care about him a lot but he's just not the one. So now, if I decide to be with the other guy I will have to hurt two people's feelings. :(
Any advice on how to go about this situation? Am I a horrible person??
Btw I have been completely single the past 3 1/2 years. I feel like this sounds like I jump from guy to guy but that is not the case at all! I just happen to have gotten myself in a sticky situation.
Advice???
as if it's not already complicated enough... I am currently seeing someone now. We haven't been seeing each other for long bc in the beginning we just couldn't get along. But this time around everything has been great! However, I don't see myself with him in the long run. It's fun and I care about him a lot but he's just not the one. So now, if I decide to be with the other guy I will have to hurt two people's feelings. :(
Any advice on how to go about this situation? Am I a horrible person??
Btw I have been completely single the past 3 1/2 years. I feel like this sounds like I jump from guy to guy but that is not the case at all! I just happen to have gotten myself in a sticky situation.
Advice???
How do you know when he is "the Guy?"
Recent research found that in order to find your happily ever after partner you should look for three traits in that you most admire about.
Think about the three traits you most admire about in a potential loving partner and apply them to these two guys, if neither of them possess the three traits you most admire then walk away from both of them because two or one out of three guarantees sadness as opposed to happiness.
Could it be because your friends wants him, or that you're in the early stages of a relationship now, or both? Is it possible you want what you can't. shouldn't have, the grass is greener on the other side?
and no you are not a horrible person.
No it doesn't make you a bad person, at all...but...I've yet to meet a guy who's worth all that (drama)? You guys hooked up once before (again not big deal), but if he were the one, and there were lots of fireworks (both ways), why didn't things stick? Why do you think this guy is better than they guy you're with?
Has this guy put forth effort to contact you, pursued you, made you happy, or played mysterious (games)?
Anyways. That being said. We both have guys that are absolutely off limits to the other, no matter what. This isn't so much an issue for her anymore because she got married a few years ago, but it still necessary to respect that. An ex-boyfriend of hers has asked me out numerous times and although she is married now, I STILL will not go out with him. We have always respected the boundaries there. I understand that you are in a very conflicted position, but the truth is....you do not know if this guy IS the one. If things don't work out, you very likely will not have the guy OR your friend. If this isn't a really, really good friend to you, you may not mind that outcome...but you should prepare yourself for it. Certain lines can't be crossed and it sounds like your friend has drawn that line. You've crossed it once and you felt guilty, but will that only eat away at you more over time when you can't see or talk to this friend. You won't be able to discuss your relationship with them, you probably won't be able to bring the guy around if you make group plans. These are things that you really need to think about.
I guess the bottom line here is that if you're looking for a win/win situation, odds are you aren't going to find it. You will have to give up the guy for good and move on, or accept the loss of a friend. This the type of problem where you "can't have your cake and eat it too."