mmm...not exactly a relationship for the faint of heart...might want to consider your own strength here...youth sometimes feels like strength, but it soon vanishes...leaving you empty.

Sometimes it just doesn't work, even if you are in love. A good relationship is not suppose to hurt so much. maybe some day you will reconnect again, but if you are both not happy, maybe it is a good idea to move on, so you can share your life with someone else and he can do the same.
I had to let somebody go too and I thought it would just kill me, but I see now that it was the most reasonable solution in our situation.
I have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriiend. It was just impossible to have a relationship when we have so many problems and live so far apart.
I'm sorry you are hurting. hugs.

i want us to work.after all that we have been through we stayed together an i guess thats what love is about, sticking together when things go wrong.its not always rainbows and butterflies.

He's defensive about what? And what is it you two argue or fight about?

little insignificant things if i make a little joke he takes it seriously and then i feel sad about making that joke. we fight because we actually care and the little things really matter when you are miles away.

Sweetheart you need to ask yourself this question,
is it true love or true lust?
Is it only good when we're together?
I had a problem kind of like that with the mother of my children.
When we were having sex,it was wonderful,but when that was over it was pure hell.
I wrote a song some years ago based on that, the title of that song is,

"From Heaven To Hell, In A Heartbeat"

Think about it long and hard sweetie,if its about that forget it, you can get that from someone close by, but as it is with any relationship you can only get back,if you are willing and able to give as much as you get !

I've been in a LDR for 4 years and I would say your arguments are most likely due to the distance and to the length of time since you've seen him last. I know the longer my SO and I go without seeing each other, the most little fights we have just because we're lonely and it's been so long. We never fight when we're together (every 1-2 months). It's very common, and I'd say in a lot of LDR relationships arguments come down to the distance. Is there a chance of resolving it soon? If not then perhaps you need to considered if you both want to keep doing this, if you think it could be resolved maybe in the next year I'd say it's worth fighting for, but only you two know for sure.

Rule number one you fight/ argue / bicker etc within one - two years of a relationship you don't want the relationship. Please believe me... my mom has been in four shitty abusive marriages and almost died with her last one.

Control issues show with dumb fights. It's the ugly begining

couldn agree with you more msullivan.you are right about where the little arguments and fights come from.if we were together none of that would have happened. we are bending over backwards for distance thing not to come between us but i dont think things are gonna be any different anytime soon.the fighting is not growing us apart its just a bumpy ride we just might have to deal with it.

If your relationship is worth fighting for, then fight for it. But if you feel it changing or you don't feel it's worth it, then let it go. Sometimes we hold on to something because we have invested so much into it, we don't want it to be in vain, even though it's changing right before our eyes.

I don't think that's the case for you, but keep that in mind if you ever feel you're not getting what you signed up for in return.

After 3 years of being together I assume you have a long term plan, as in, as soon as I finish school, I'll move out there with you, etc. .. A carrot to follow only goes so far if you know your destination is going to be worth your sacrifice.

there you said it.you actually made me think if it's really worth trying.but letting go is so hard when you have so much history together.
my relationship is dying and i don't know how to save it.

What exactly are you guys struggling with? A lot of what we go through as couples is sometimes trivial... Little problems can seem bigger when you are in LD since you can't talk it out, you can't see them walking down the hallway and say, hey I'm sorry, let's go grab some lunch. A lot of my husband and I argue about (little arguments) are extinguished because we are able to do a lot of non verbal communication, a loving embrace can break the tension, a silly smile, a little wave can make it easier to sweetly say, I'm sorry.

LDR (although I've never had one) I assume are very unique in making any situation filled with tension. If all of your sacrifice is met with him sacrificing just as much and you're really in this for the long haul then it will be worth fighting for. But if you find your relationship has evolved into something you can't even recognize anymore, then it could be unsalvageable.

The only way you'll know if it's worth fighting for, is if you feel he's going to fight for it as well. If you're both on the same page, nothing should be a question mark. Again, I imagine that's a challenge since you don't necessarily have the luxury of speaking to him whenever you want, I assume there are time differences as well and other exterior factors that add to not being able to communicate as often as you would like.

Again, don't let your history dictate what you want for your future. Investing in someone for 3 years is a long time.. don't let that however make you give into something you don't want. If you feel you're miserable, or you don't feel he's the same person you fell for, or any other reason that would other wise be a deal breaker for you then you shouldn't settle just because you've held on for as long as you have.

You both deserve to be happy ... now you have to decide if that means saying good bye or recommitting to your relationship in a way that will prevent these insecurities from creeping up.

this is so frigging confusing. it's like love bipolar one day i hate him then i love him then i hate him back. it doesn't make sense anymore.
i love him and everything but it's the things he does that makes me wanna walk out. it was my 20th birthday ten days back and he promised that he'd come see me and instead he chose to go to his cousin's wedding.it really upset me big time.he always choose stuff over me and expects me to understand.
he's changed, he's not the guy i fell in love with anymore.he's become somewhat insensitive towards my feelings and needs.i wonder if things will ever get back to being the way they were.he used to be there for me, he actually cared.and now it's like i'm hanging by the thread and he can't even see.

I am asking this purely because i am curious and i simply dont understand properly and would like to so please dont think that i am being offensive but how is a relationship a relationship if it is long distance??

Call me silly but i can understand getting to know someone a long way away and i understand falling in love through letter or written word and telephone calls but surely if it is a relationship then at some point you need to move that closer and start being together more than every couple of months, where is the intimacy the closeness sure it lacks something if neither one wants to move their lives to be with that person to spend everyday with them. I really do understand LD dating and falling in love but after a period of time doesnt both want more, life happens every single day and how can you share that properly with someone that is far away?

I dont know maybe it is a safety thing no one has to give there whole self in a LD relationship or perhaps we are all just built different i know it couldnt work for me.

tell you what i'm not a big fan of long distance relationship either.i'd want my guy with me 27x7 as much as the next girl.
but being involved in a long distance relationship, causes our feelings and desire for each other to grow.i know there are a plenty of things we cannot change.but what we can and are able to is to value each other and cherish every moment we get to spend together.
distance puts our relationship to the test ans sometimes it brings out the worse in us.it has somehow strengthened our commitment and made us value each other.
and if and when we decide to take steps towards marriage we will know that we were meant for each other. we will know that coming together and staying together has been a blessing for us.