Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
First off, my son was severly burned last year sept. 3 and he passed away in Feb 2017. He was my only child and I am not married. I miss him so bad! I am also in the berevment group on here. But my question is about the dating relationship I am in. I have been dating a guy for several months that I dated some last summer. He had only met my son once last summer. He has been nice and I do care for him. I am a affectionate person and I love affection, it doesn't have to be sex. Even giving me a hug is great. He is not affectionate. He will only kiss me or hug me if I come up to him and initiate it. And then it is a peck and a quick hug. I stay at my house during the week and go to his house usually on the weekends. He usually cooks and we watch tv. He doesn't like to go out. When we are sitting around or even laying in bed he doesn't hug me or put his arm around me or anything. Most nights he doesn't even tell me good nite, he just rolls over and goes to sleep. He made the comment the other day that he is exactly the same as he has been and he doesn't understand why I am having an issue. I thought long and hard about it but I am not the same, alot has happened to me with my son passing this year. I need more love and reassurance I guess. Even a hug or kiss now and then would be great. It's like we are room mates sleeping in the same bed. We never have sex either. I know that's not the most important thing "sex". But it is part of a loving relationship I think. We do maybe once a month. He has turned me down several times also so I don't intiate it anymore. He told me "you can't make someone want to do it". It really hurt my feelings. I feel like he is not attracted to me. Maybe he just doesn't have any sex drive but that shouldn't effect the hugging, etc. Maybe he has just always been like that. When I did try to talk to him about it he got deffensive and said I mother him to much. I just try to help around his house but hes been a batchelor a long time and doesn't want me to do anything because I don't do it the way he likes. I just don't know whether to keep trying or move on. He is nice but I need more, I guess. If you don't see your girlfriend all week and you only see her Friday and Saturday night, you would think he would be a little affectionate like he missed me.
Not surprised you broke it off with the "ice cube." Definitely didn't sound like a good match for you. I read a book about how we all have different love languages. Sounds like one of your top ones is physical touch (mine is, too, so I understand how important that is). It's a pretty quick read and helped me to understand myself better regarding my needs in a relationship. I used it when I was dating, and had my fiance take it so I could make sure we were a good match. The title is The Five Love Languages, author Gary Chapman. You can probably borrow a copy at the library, it was a NY Times best seller. It's pretty interesting and accurate!