Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I have been in a relationship with the same man for six years come Februaury. We are not married. We own a home together, we have a 2 year old daughter together, we own a vehicle and many other monetary possesions together. We have built a life.
It's not easy being with him. It hasn't been since after the first year. There have been plenty of times when I have considered seriously leaving. At one point I took off my engagment rings and kept them off for six months. Because I was so unsure and I was starting to feel trapped. He is not an easy person to get along with, he is needy, he can be mean, he is selfish.
There are good points, or I wouldn't still be here lol. And six years seems like to much to just toss out a window.
Now, for the first time in six years I find myself seriously attracted to another man! The kicker is it's not somebody I know well lol.
We take our daughter to story time at our local library once a week, and the man that does it, wowza. He's not incredibly physically attractive, but something about him just draws me in. I pay more attention to him while he reads, sings, and entertains then the kids do!!
At first I thought it was just the context I saw him in. You know, male being so good with kids is naturally attractive. I think it's some biological thing lol.
But this weekend we went to a home and trade show and he was there, dressed up as...get this....an elf! He was handing out candy canes to kids and talking to people and drumming up bussiness for the library. He didn't talk to us, but he gave candy canes to the kids we were with, and, this is going to sound so self centered because I am nothing fancy to look at, but I swear I caught him staring at me a couple of times. He knew that we were from story time since the kids got all excited to see him.
What I really need help on is dealing with this. I don't want to stop going to story time as my daughter loves it and my other half would just get mad and say mean things if I said I no longer wanted to go...plus....I was the one who got us into the library stuff. I also don't want this to become some stupid blown up school girl crush that ruins the relationship I have sacrificed and worked my ass off for.
It feels odd and unatural to have a crush again lol. Don't get me wrong, I still find other men attractive, but it's usually like 'oh, nice butt' and on with my life lol. But this guy enters my mind at least five times a day!
Any advice would be appreciated. I figure it's natural, but I could use some help muddling it out. Ecspecially since I have been unhappy in my relationship for almost a year now, but leaving seems impossible and makes my heart thud and my breath catch.
It's not easy being with him. It hasn't been since after the first year. There have been plenty of times when I have considered seriously leaving. At one point I took off my engagment rings and kept them off for six months. Because I was so unsure and I was starting to feel trapped. He is not an easy person to get along with, he is needy, he can be mean, he is selfish.
There are good points, or I wouldn't still be here lol. And six years seems like to much to just toss out a window.
Now, for the first time in six years I find myself seriously attracted to another man! The kicker is it's not somebody I know well lol.
We take our daughter to story time at our local library once a week, and the man that does it, wowza. He's not incredibly physically attractive, but something about him just draws me in. I pay more attention to him while he reads, sings, and entertains then the kids do!!
At first I thought it was just the context I saw him in. You know, male being so good with kids is naturally attractive. I think it's some biological thing lol.
But this weekend we went to a home and trade show and he was there, dressed up as...get this....an elf! He was handing out candy canes to kids and talking to people and drumming up bussiness for the library. He didn't talk to us, but he gave candy canes to the kids we were with, and, this is going to sound so self centered because I am nothing fancy to look at, but I swear I caught him staring at me a couple of times. He knew that we were from story time since the kids got all excited to see him.
What I really need help on is dealing with this. I don't want to stop going to story time as my daughter loves it and my other half would just get mad and say mean things if I said I no longer wanted to go...plus....I was the one who got us into the library stuff. I also don't want this to become some stupid blown up school girl crush that ruins the relationship I have sacrificed and worked my ass off for.
It feels odd and unatural to have a crush again lol. Don't get me wrong, I still find other men attractive, but it's usually like 'oh, nice butt' and on with my life lol. But this guy enters my mind at least five times a day!
Any advice would be appreciated. I figure it's natural, but I could use some help muddling it out. Ecspecially since I have been unhappy in my relationship for almost a year now, but leaving seems impossible and makes my heart thud and my breath catch.
I think this man might be gay, tho, just saying. I have nothoing to base that on except a feeling.
Woops
IMO your current relationship is your problem. Good luck
I'm just looking for ways to get through the crush faster so I can just get it behind me.
I don't know, see if elf is available and, if he is, say you are your live-in are kinda on the outs, about to call it quits, and ask elf to coffee or something!
But if I did leave Joey, it would be awhile before I went out with another man lol. I would need to find myself before I went and found someone else.
What I mean is that any idea that keeps coming back is worth looking at.
So, that suggests looking at this for what it is and picking it apart,learning what it's all about.
You aren't going to persue this man, so... why does he,or the idea of him, keep popping back into your head?
I have a few hunches about why he does, but really, the answer has to come from you as I tend to be a mile ahead and talking in shorthand.
But something to get you started is to just state the facts, and then ask yourself "what does that mean? How do I feel about it?":
you are in a LTR, with child.
And what does that mean?:
For instance... it may mean that you are settled... and maybe with feeling settled,you are also feeling old, and boring, or less alive somehow..
Crushes are great because they excite us and make us look forward to getting dressed.
If you didn't find some men attractive from time to time, you'd be dead! I mean, you'd have to be to not feel chemistry or attraction popup here and there. You're a vital young woman!
So, forgive yourself for it. It's natural! and feeling guilty about it will only make it worse.
I say, tell your man about him, share the excitement,in a safe way,use it as fodder for some steamy pillow talk if you can, or just to let him know you ain't dead yet, and how much fun it is to flirt!
I don't get crushes anymore, but I do meet men, occassionally, whom I really enjoy interacting with. Someimes it surprises me because they might not be all that good looking... but they have a skill for conversation or something. ANd I immediately want my H to meet him!
woops