Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
So yea, this is going to probably should strange, but I have no idea what to do. So last week, I wrote a big long out post about how I was conflicted about this girl. She is far away, and it is a long distance thing, and while I have very strong feelings for her, she doesn't seem to devote as much time to me as I do her, and I guess for me that is a bother. But, next month, she is due to move back closer to me, and I should be capable of actually visiting her, and until last night, I was really looking forward to it. She tells me she is very talented at her job, and from the sounds of it, wants for nothing. She likes me because I'm cute, disabled, and can devote so much time to her. Seeing as I can't work, that is one of the major perks of me I guess.
But now, as of last night, 2 more women have popped into my picture. One I met here actually, and she seems really wonderful, and we have had some really great conversations and have clicked. I like her, she likes me, but distance again is going to kill me. She is across the country from me, so lots of travel, which I'm ok doing if it develops into something more then liking each other. She also likes me for my personality, how much I can devote time wise, and finds me cute too. I honestly don't see the cute part in me, but hey, who am I to argue.
But tonight, my first love, a girl prior to my ex, found me on FB and got a hold of me, and apparently we both still harbor a lot of feelings for each other. We were kids, teenagers really when we met and broke up, but the year or so we were together it was amazing. We both had a lot of issues outside of us, parents, and she spared me the pain she was going through, which hurt like hell, but clearly I survived. She is disabled now with a lot of medical issues, but she is like 8 miles away from me. In talking with her tonight, my heart has skipped a beat quite a few times, and honestly, I'm so conflicted. She also finds me cute, and seems to really remember our past together and how much I cared for her. The fact that my ex is out of the picture, and she sees what my ex did to me also has sparked some interest.
Either way I go about this, 2 of these 3 are going to be hurt by me. I'm a one woman kind of guy, believes in a single relationship, and is honestly struggling to sort this all out. I've never in my life had more then 1 girl, and honestly, consider my ex-wife my first real girlfriend due to the maturity increase. I don't know why, but I'm desirable, and this is a big shock to me. Normally, everyone looks at me, and goes, meh, and moves on. So to have options, let alone 3 of them, to all really wonderful women is making this chaotic for me.
So if you were in my place, what would you do? How would you handle this, and how would you let down the 2 gently once you make the final decision on who to choose? Pro's and cons of this are hard for me, as logic really can't dictate my heart. I don't know what to do, and I'm scared to hurt them. I'm such a nice guy, and I've never faced this before. So if you can, please help me sort this chaos out.
But now, as of last night, 2 more women have popped into my picture. One I met here actually, and she seems really wonderful, and we have had some really great conversations and have clicked. I like her, she likes me, but distance again is going to kill me. She is across the country from me, so lots of travel, which I'm ok doing if it develops into something more then liking each other. She also likes me for my personality, how much I can devote time wise, and finds me cute too. I honestly don't see the cute part in me, but hey, who am I to argue.
But tonight, my first love, a girl prior to my ex, found me on FB and got a hold of me, and apparently we both still harbor a lot of feelings for each other. We were kids, teenagers really when we met and broke up, but the year or so we were together it was amazing. We both had a lot of issues outside of us, parents, and she spared me the pain she was going through, which hurt like hell, but clearly I survived. She is disabled now with a lot of medical issues, but she is like 8 miles away from me. In talking with her tonight, my heart has skipped a beat quite a few times, and honestly, I'm so conflicted. She also finds me cute, and seems to really remember our past together and how much I cared for her. The fact that my ex is out of the picture, and she sees what my ex did to me also has sparked some interest.
Either way I go about this, 2 of these 3 are going to be hurt by me. I'm a one woman kind of guy, believes in a single relationship, and is honestly struggling to sort this all out. I've never in my life had more then 1 girl, and honestly, consider my ex-wife my first real girlfriend due to the maturity increase. I don't know why, but I'm desirable, and this is a big shock to me. Normally, everyone looks at me, and goes, meh, and moves on. So to have options, let alone 3 of them, to all really wonderful women is making this chaotic for me.
So if you were in my place, what would you do? How would you handle this, and how would you let down the 2 gently once you make the final decision on who to choose? Pro's and cons of this are hard for me, as logic really can't dictate my heart. I don't know what to do, and I'm scared to hurt them. I'm such a nice guy, and I've never faced this before. So if you can, please help me sort this chaos out.
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
I guess to answer this simply - for me personally long distance relationships are difficult financially and I would want to be able to share my life with someone who is right here every day or at least have some definit plan on how to make it happen some day soon.
If you feel like you have feelings for one of these women then be honest with the others and say so. There shouldn't be any of them getting really hurt as you have not been in a romantic relationship right?
Girl 3, is the one I decided to go with. Partly because of how close she is, but more overly because of how strong I feel for her. I saw her yesterday and it was magical to say the least. There is complications with her, as I wasn't aware when I posted this, but she is sadly dying. I personally feel that I need to be here for her, regardless of what love says.
I cared for her so deeply back 15 years ago, and found out the truth as to why she disappeared out of my life. A few of my friends think I'm stupid to get involved in this, because of how ill she is, but my soul is burning with a flame that I haven't felt in a very long time, and I have to see this through. Knowing I have this site, and my friends and family, I think I have enough support to take this on, as I know the end game is short, and it is going to be extremely painful.
She loves me very much, and I feel the same for her, so I am going to make this work for as long as I have left with her. I don't really understand how to explain what it is, but I seem to calm her, and help her. She messaged me yesterday saying she felt like time was closing in, and her heart rate was really high along with her BP. I came over, and just held her, and within hours, she started to feel better, and her stats came down.
So sadly, girl 1 gets hurt, but I tried to make fix it, but honestly, I can't fix it. I tried to tell her I had to, but that isn't enough, and I also tried to explain it all, but she felt more hurt by that. So sadly, she is hurt, and sadly she will most likely hate me for this "betrayal" as she calls it. I'm confused how you can betray someone you have never seen, but I can understand my heart betrayed her. If girl 3 didn't find me, this wouldn't even be an issue. Am I stupid for doing what I'm doing?
Regarding girls 1 and 2, they're long-distance, and, while people put a lot of stock into this communicating online thing, as summer said, it isn't really a "relationship" until you've met and spent some quality time together, then decided you want to spend more quality time together, and then it IS a relationship.
Girls 1 and 2 are just way too sensitive. You did nothing wrong, by explaining the situation, and why you couldn't continue with them, calmly.
This is exactly what my brother said! I see his warmth and compassion in you. Sadly, he's deceased. He gave and gave and gave...until he could no longer give anymore. My meager share of love and support wasn't enough to make him survive his terminal battle with cancer.
I hope you take some time for yourself, man, during this upcoming ordeal. Exercise, eat right, get plenty of sleep, give yourself moments of reprieve with lighter social stimulation. A terminal illness will take its toll on you.
But rock on! You're a man of honor, with a huge heart! Have you ever thought of working in Hospice?
I have been told I'm unique by those who are supportive of this choice to be with girl 3. My family however seems to be disapproving of it, to the point that last night I got in a fight with my sister about it. I tried to approach the subject with my mother this evening, and she for the lack of a better word ignored me completely. They all think I'm being stupid, and I'm crazy for wanting to be with her. It is very hard to deny my feelings for her, and I know exactly how she feels.
I want to make what time I have left with her work, and that is my full intentions right now. I'm working on managing my MG a little differently, in hopes to counteract the tired feeling I am dealing with. We honestly just sit and hold each other all day, watching tv or listening to music, but I'm finding my MG isn't happy with it. So I am working on that now. But overall, I'm extremely happy, and at the end of the day, I fall asleep with a huge smile on my face, and actually look forward to tomorrow. I haven't done that in a very long while, and I want it to stay that way.
Just please do make sure that you take care of yourself too while you give this girl the love and support she needs to live out what is left of her life in the best possible way. Knowing she is loved.
Your own health is important too, because you cannot be there for her if you do not take care of yourself as well.
Also when the time does come for the end of her life on earth, at least you will know that you did what you felt was the right thing. Well done for being a man of honour.