Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I recently started seeing someone and things are(were)going well. He was sweet and attentive, atleast when he wanted to be. Did the cutest things, sings to me, dances with me, massages,etc - but whenever I have anything to say that is of any level of importance he gets extremely laid back (IE: you are blowing things outta proportion, etc) or he gets angry very quickly, not physically but verbally... for instance the other night after sex I brought something up that apparently he did not want to talk about and he said to me: "I dont know what you are thinking saying that after I just spent all night cuddeling with your ASS." I told him that I am not one of his thug friends and dont want to be talked to like that. Need less to say that convo did not end well. Utlimately I told him to take a hike within the next few days. It was not easy because he has alot of good qualities. But being faced problems like this so early is a huge red flag for me.
Now, my question is: Is there a right way to deal with someone who has difficulty with anger and communicating? Still cant quite figure out why he is so inconsistent in his behavior.
Now, my question is: Is there a right way to deal with someone who has difficulty with anger and communicating? Still cant quite figure out why he is so inconsistent in his behavior.
However; on the flip side, it might be the way you're approaching the issue. His response of "how can you say/think after X" is a clue to his feeling slighted somehow.
Are you using the 'I feel' statements so that nothing you say is being presented in an accusing tone?
Are you starting off with 'hunny... I don't want this to upset you, but something is on my mind and I just want to talk about it so I can gain your perspective.'
I had to do both of these for a while with my current Primary partner.
If something you're doing is triggering a defensive response, then he will NOT want to communicate. You need to identify those triggers and learn how to work around them.
~G
Don't try to figure out his inconsistencies. Doing so only draws you in to a place you don't want or need to be in. Perhaps, he'll figure things out for himself. Perhaps not. But, TRUST your instincts.
I know about ignoring them. I did that for decades!!