Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Okay, so basically I've been friends with this guy for over 7 years now. We get along fantastically, I've always been able to tell him anything & always have fun with him.
About 2 months ago, we started dating. He has always liked me in that way, but I always felt too guilty to become more than friends, due to having strong feelings for someone else, but after dating that other person last year, those feelings for him went away & I've moved on.
I've never been able to open up to someone in a relationship, I never let myself get too attached to someone since I had this other person in the back of my mind all the time - or so I thought anyway!
My relationships always follow the same pattern: We start dating, it feels wonderful, then after a few weeks when they want to be physically intimate more than a kiss, I start feeling like I shouldn't be with them anymore, and I end it.
I've always assumed that this was because of having strong feelings for someone else, but now, I only have feelings for the person that I'm with, but I'm following the same pattern.
I am attracted to him, and I feel happy about being with him when he's not around, but I've started feeling awkward in person and wanting to end it.
I don't understand what's going on in my head, & was hoping someone here could shed a little light as to what's going on?
About 2 months ago, we started dating. He has always liked me in that way, but I always felt too guilty to become more than friends, due to having strong feelings for someone else, but after dating that other person last year, those feelings for him went away & I've moved on.
I've never been able to open up to someone in a relationship, I never let myself get too attached to someone since I had this other person in the back of my mind all the time - or so I thought anyway!
My relationships always follow the same pattern: We start dating, it feels wonderful, then after a few weeks when they want to be physically intimate more than a kiss, I start feeling like I shouldn't be with them anymore, and I end it.
I've always assumed that this was because of having strong feelings for someone else, but now, I only have feelings for the person that I'm with, but I'm following the same pattern.
I am attracted to him, and I feel happy about being with him when he's not around, but I've started feeling awkward in person and wanting to end it.
I don't understand what's going on in my head, & was hoping someone here could shed a little light as to what's going on?
If you want to be more than friends with someone, it WILL lead to physical intimacy/sex. Nothing ventured, nothing gained! No risk (of getting hurt), no reward!
We learn to be OK with that at the very first moments of life.
There is a stage of early childhood, infancy specifically, called Trust VS Mistrust. This is a period when a child builds a bond with a parent figure who teaches the baby that every time the baby cries, the parent shows up. This goes on for about 2-3 years until the baby is sure that there is back up available if shit hits the fan, then the tolddler goes out on his own and no longer freaks out when things go wrong and learns to comfort self and it also teaches the baby to develop trusting relationships with other people in the future by trial and error.
People who had some serious issues with that stage in infancy frequently develop emotional dysfunction when it comes to building intimate relationships - physical and emotional - and a lot of time ls have no clue where the problem came from.
IdK if this is possible on your case, but it is likely that fear of getting close to someone is coming from your childhood somewhere.
When someone wants to get really close to you, you distance yourself and/or find an excuse to move on... emotionally.
You may have some attachment issues going on, afraid of being rejected, afraid of being hurt, something is hindering you from moving into a relationship that offers you what you really want.
And, on the other hand, not knowing you, maybe you are very young and just need to go out, explore the world, work a while, and not worry about guys and just find you, thru art, literature, travel, and when someone comes along that you are very excited about you will know it and move it into intimacy and not feel guilty about it because you are in a good place with yourself. There's nothing wrong with having intamcy with someone and then it not working out... there's nothing to feel guilty about.