Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I've always been attracted to guys deep down I know don't love me so much, like I challenge myself to "gain" their attention, affection maybe, but usually not, usually just lust.
After everything died with my stbxh I remembered a guy I was "dating" before him, he was nice, a gentleman,super tall (love tall men), anyway, not a jerk, I liked him but I wasn't passionate about him, anyway, when I was at the airport on my way back to my country I thought "I should have stayed with 'P'", now he has a girlfriend, they have been dating for many years and probably will end up married, and I'm happy for him, because he's an awesome guy.
Back to the present, there's a friend who I love to hang out with, we do fun stuff together, but I just see him as a friend.
Watching a movie I heard the phrase "we accept the love we think we deserve" and I think it make sense, at least in my case, I don't think very high of myself and at this point in my life I'm pretty sure I chose to be with jerks because I don't think I deserve more, I don't think I deserve to be loved, respected, and when guys that really loves me appear in my life I just think "oh, but there's no chemistry, I only see him as a friend"
I guess it's good to realize that, right? now I just need to figure out why do I always feel the need to chase guys that won't love me, and then I always end up feeling used.
I don't know if it's like that for the rest of you, but for me, I feel that the "chemistry" is an excuse I use to validate my attraction to guys that won't love me.
After everything died with my stbxh I remembered a guy I was "dating" before him, he was nice, a gentleman,super tall (love tall men), anyway, not a jerk, I liked him but I wasn't passionate about him, anyway, when I was at the airport on my way back to my country I thought "I should have stayed with 'P'", now he has a girlfriend, they have been dating for many years and probably will end up married, and I'm happy for him, because he's an awesome guy.
Back to the present, there's a friend who I love to hang out with, we do fun stuff together, but I just see him as a friend.
Watching a movie I heard the phrase "we accept the love we think we deserve" and I think it make sense, at least in my case, I don't think very high of myself and at this point in my life I'm pretty sure I chose to be with jerks because I don't think I deserve more, I don't think I deserve to be loved, respected, and when guys that really loves me appear in my life I just think "oh, but there's no chemistry, I only see him as a friend"
I guess it's good to realize that, right? now I just need to figure out why do I always feel the need to chase guys that won't love me, and then I always end up feeling used.
I don't know if it's like that for the rest of you, but for me, I feel that the "chemistry" is an excuse I use to validate my attraction to guys that won't love me.
Anyways, in my experience, the types of guys that girls hang out with tend to be the same types that they date. It seems to be the guys that they secretly wouldn't mind having sex with. It seems that if a guy is the type she would never have sex with, he'll never even make it into the friend zone; he'll just remain an acquaintance. Just an observation from the sad world I live in.
Dating is a tricky thing. I truly believe that sometimes it is good to give someone a a chance that you may not like right away.
Sometimes feelings develop and grow.. Or maybe I just look for reasons to love people and see qualities that make them special?
Idk.
I just think sometimes of you are doing something once way and it is t working, do something opposite and see what happens.
Date someone who is not at all like your typical choice.
It is hard to break that pattern, but please do yourself the favour and really try.
I honestly believe that if we give a truly good friendship time it could develop into an amazing romantic relationship that has in fact started in the best possible way, and so much mutual respect. The best kind of life partner one could have should be one who is your best friend too.
As you have said, you are not ready to be dating yet so just really enjoy your good friendships and see where life leads you. You will find you will be learning all the time during those friendships too. You need to get to a place where you can truly accept and love who you are. You are a special person with your own unique gifts, appreciate and treasure that, and then you can learn that you are a worthwhile person worthy of good healthy love.
I didn't walk away from my marriage, I would have stay there in the hope that he would change, but still, it was the best thing that could have happened. I'm alone, yes, it's hard? yes, but I feel free and healthier, I think you already know what you need to do FT...