Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I believe I have a character flaw that may be causing some problems in my relationships with my children and my wife. I do not like selfishness. Selfishness is the one "attribute" of someones personality that I find the least attractive. Because I dislike selfishness so much, I tend to go out of my way to NOT be selfish. This gets worse when people around me act more selfish (in other words, the more selfish they are, the more selfLESS I become).
I have had my daughter tell me to do more things for myself ... to be more selfish. I have also had my wife tell me a few times that I need to do more things for myself. At this stage of my life (mid 40s), I find it difficult to break away from my tendency to be selfless and want to help others in my family ... even if helping them occasionally leaves me overtaxed and worn out to the point of getting sick - and I also occasionally feel some resentment regarding the selfish behavior around me). I only do this with the people in my family (my children, and my wife). I don't go out of my way to help just any person. I recognize that I can't compensate for the selfishness of others and I am trying to do more things for myself .... but somehow, it feels wrong. Any recommendations?
I have had my daughter tell me to do more things for myself ... to be more selfish. I have also had my wife tell me a few times that I need to do more things for myself. At this stage of my life (mid 40s), I find it difficult to break away from my tendency to be selfless and want to help others in my family ... even if helping them occasionally leaves me overtaxed and worn out to the point of getting sick - and I also occasionally feel some resentment regarding the selfish behavior around me). I only do this with the people in my family (my children, and my wife). I don't go out of my way to help just any person. I recognize that I can't compensate for the selfishness of others and I am trying to do more things for myself .... but somehow, it feels wrong. Any recommendations?
What could be defined as "selfishness" is merely human survival, so I do not necessarily think some measure of "selfishness" is a bad thing. But, I agree, it is infuriating and provokes resentment when people are ENTIRELY selfish without regard for another human being.
Good luck dealing with your wife and kids, and their continual "selfish" behavior, especially in your kids! I'm afraid kids in particular inherently act selfish, because they are growing and are trying to survive. Maybe they'll find some compassion once they become adults; maybe they won't.
I do think it comes with age and maturity. If they are treated in a loving way. Can you remember when you were a teen?