What about a women's shelter?

I don't have any great advice for you other than concentrate on taking care of yourself and your children.

I do have a question though. How is it that you still WANT to hug and kiss someone that you argue and fight with all the time??

I'm just wondering because I find that the more my husband and I fight the less I want to be intimate.

Hang in there. I know that living in an unhappy home is not easy.

If there's no abuse going on and there's no hope for the marriage to be saved, is it possible the two of you can agree to stop the constant arguing and live together in peace as roommates/friends until you can get divorced. Focus on you, your kids, doing activities you enjoy, spend time with friends and make the best of the situation.

It's an 'out there' idea for many people and wouldn't work for everyone but it's what stbxh and I decided to do until we can divorce where it won't be a financial hardship for either of us and it's worked out very well for us. We took it a step farther and agreed when we were emotionally ready to move on we can see other people. Even though we're still "legally" married, we don't consider ourselves as being married, we're friends that live together but live separate lives. Just a thought.

I was going to suggest the very thing leather did. I know it's likely he won't react positively to the idea, but if you have exhausted all other efforts (the ones that are possibilities for you) than I hardly see what you have to lose by making this suggestion. Just tell him you want to be happy and you want the same for him, and that you can see that he is unwilling to bend of flex to make the marriage work so perhaps the two of you can atleast reach a medium until such time as it would be feasable for you to seperate from each other and move on with your lives. Say this in your own words of course; your the one who knows him and hopefully if you want to try this approach you will be able to find a way to broach the subject without it seeming threatening.
If that option doesn't appeal to you than you may just tell him you want a divorce and hopefully he cares enough about the children that he would provide alimony and child support to get you on your feet and you could seek employment. These days there are ways you can work from home if you aren't able to leave the house and be away from the children to earn wages.
Good luck to you dear. I am so sorry for you feel imprisoned in this cold, loveless relationship. There just has to be options out there for people in this situation.

I don't really feel the same feelings about hugging an kissing as I used to. Years ago, if he wouldn't come to bed we would argue. Now it's been 3 days that he hasn't come to bed and I haven't said a word because its not worth a fight. I have 5 children, I can't take them to a shelter. In my area, you don't really do that anyway. Those options are very limited as it is a pretty religious area and your family is expected to care for you. My family just wouldn't get it. They'd say he doesn't hit me and he pays the bills, so what's the problem?

I would like this marriage to work, I just don't see how. He has steadily built up his argument of why it's pointless to tell a woman she is beautiful and valued, because those are just things I should tell myself. Hugs and kisses are also pointless, for similar reasons-why does he have to act like he loves me? People need to love themselves. That's when I reach the point of why are we married then? I could have just adopted kids and found a roommate if I was planning on loving myself for the rest of my life.

I'm not trying to say that my value comes from outside of myself. I spent a few years as a single mom, I worked 2 jobs and supported 2 kids and myself just fine. I am fine with my appearance, but I would like to get healthier and lose a few pounds so I can pull out my skinny jeans again. Aren't all women similar in that regard? I wouldn't kill myself if he never said another positive thing to me again. But, I hear more about what I don't do or what i do wrong than what I am doing right. When I do something right, he doesn't say anything nice, he just moves on to the next thing. I feel like we are just constantly working on a to do list and he is putting off our marriage until we get it all done. But it never gets done. We check off one thing and add 5 more.

I'm just ranting now. I just hate feeling like this, and there are no more words to express my feelings to him. They've all been said. He knows how I feel, he is choosing not to address it for his own reasons.

Maybe I just need to pray harder.

Rant all you need to sweetie if it helps. That is, in part, what this forum is here for. I feel, though, that you need to get out. And you feel that way too, based on what you said in your original post.
You worked two jobs at one point and supported your kids by yourself. I know it would be alot harder with 3 more kids in the picture but those children are all the more reason why you must get out of this broken, dysfunctioinal marriage. Children can sense the tension between their parents and their mother's unhappiness and it has very deep and lasting effects on them. Maybe the place to start here would be to go back to work. Start making money, start making a plan, start saving. Don't just settle in this thing until the nest is empty because by then the damage is done and you have also thrown all those years of your life away, knowingly so. You know you aren't happy and deep down in your gut you probably know that it's over and all that's left to make that official is for you two to physically call it quits.
I am sorry you haven't found the happiness and love in your marriage which was promised to you in the beginning. But there is life after divorce, and anything is possible if you want it bad enough to find the way, so if you no longer want to be in this living hell, be proactive. You aren't as powerless as you might feel.