Healthy Relationships Support Group

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Boyfriend is Stubborn

Ghostwolf04
Ghostwolf04

My boyfriend is such a manchild. He does a little better for awhile then gets stupid again. He is so stubborn to admit when something is wrong and puts going to the doctor last. Lately he hasn't been acting himself or sleeping well. His blood pressure is sky high and he says he feels anxious all the time and panicky and doesn't know what is bothering him. 


I am going to try to talk to him tonight about going to the doctor. Not sure what I will say yet or if it will do any good. I feel like he should be able to go to a doc by himself and tell them what is going on and get help without me being there but who knows? He is so annoying. Its bad enough I feel I am caregiver to my mom and worry for her health but now I have him too and he is out of control. He has no problem spending money on cigarettes alcohol weed and junk food and trying to self medicate. He has health insurance thru work and only works 4 days a week yet he never goes to the doctor. Why is he such an idiot? I am so sick of being his mommy drill seargeant. I am not nice enough to put up with such a weak person. I know he doesn't like that I pick at him every day and nag him but what else can I do? Wait for him to die? How do I even tell him to go to the doctor in a nice way?

Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I would stop being his mommy/drill sergeant....... That may be part of what he's standing up to if you're fighting for control

I would let him know though that this really has an effect on you as well because you care about him and you worry when he's unwell

You wrote that you 'pick at him everyday and nag him'......

That would get tired really fast for both of you..... I would simply stop it and try to catch yourself if you start nagging

Maybe some couples therapy on communication could help you both

If he's spending a lot of money on alcohol, weed and ciggs that might be something you have to think about .... is this want you want in your life?

Big hug......xo
Ghostwolf04
Ghostwolf04
Well of course I don't want that, that's why I gripe at him all the time. I want him to be better, but it's like he doesn't even care. I just want him to go to a doctor and find out what is wrong with him.
rmb
rmb
You also don’t want to be hounding him for the rest of your life either.

You can’t nag people into compliance.
jojored
jojored
Up to a certain point, yes you can give your opinion and speak of your concern, hopefully it will encourage him to seek help. Beyond that, you're not helping but probably hurting the situation because he may start to resent your efforts. You cannot change a man-child. You don't have final say in how he treats his body, it's all on him to deal with the repercussions of an unhealthy lifestyle. The sucky part is that you have to deal with it too, since you're living with him.
Ghostwolf04
Ghostwolf04
I didn't really talk to him yesterday until we got home yesterday. I think first thing he said to me is he isn't buying anymore cigarettes because he doesn't want to start that habit again. He had quit for a year! He also told me he requested off work on my day off next week so he can go to the doctor. I was so relieved! He did this on his own with no prodding so maybe there is hope for him yet. I told him how relieved I was and how worried I have been about his blood pressure. He said he made the appointment on my day off so I could go with him because he has anxiety going to docs by himself. Makes sense. I guess it will be good for me to go in case he forgets something to tell the doc. I will be so glad when he gets his blood pressure and anxiety under control so he can sleep at night.
Lauradlou
Lauradlou
I am sorry about your situation. It sounds like you care a lot about your boyfriend and want what is best for him and that is why you are wanting him to go to the doctor. I think you should tell him that. Hopefully he will understand that you have his best interest in mind and will eventually go to the doctor. I will be praying for his health and that he understands!
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