My boyfriend has been going through a lot. He was a Marine before I met him. I met him a few months after he came home. He never really talks about his time over there. I do know somethings, and they aren't pretty. He seen and when through a lot. He has never gotten any kind of help once he came back. When we first started dating, he would drink and sometimes end up pretty bad from drinking. About a year he start drinking vodka and beer. He became an alcoholic. In Dec. he ended up getting a DUI. He went through detox, and then went trough rehab. He never would say he was a alcoholic. Also at this point we had been living together. Once he was out of rehab he was good for a few weeks. Then he started asking me to buy him beer, since he couldn't. But somehow he could, because he started drinking again and buying it while I was at work. One night I knew he was drinking I asked him and first he lied then he got up a grabbed a beer where he was hiding it. I told him in rehab and when he got out that if he would ever drink again I would move out. Now before he went to rehab I would threaten to move out but never did. So he didn't believe I really would. I moved out the next day. That right there hit him hard. I should have left him then but I couldn't because I love him very much and plus we have been dating for 5 years, it will be 6 years on Monday. He then had to move out and move back in with his dad. He lost his job once he got out of rehab. So he wasn't work. We didn't get to see each other much anymore. His parents don't trust him and he doesn't really get along with his parents. They are treating him like a child instead of an adult. He also was on medicine because he has really bad shakes. About two or three weeks ago he started changing, one minute he was fine the next minute he was pissed off, then he was fine, etc. On Wednesday he completely lost it. He took off not leaving a note or anything. His parents and me were calling every hour, texting, you name it. I got a message at 1 in the morning telling me good bye mostly. I knew this was the end, I was so upset I couldn't sleep at all that night. I kept calling and texting to find out where he was. He never would tell me. I was all over the place that night and the next day, thinking I can't believe he killed himself. At 10 am he texted me telling he I was going to get some help. I was so happy to know he was alive, but he still wouldn't tell me where he was. He has never been one to ask for help for anything, its one of the biggest things he hates doing. But he walked into a hospital and told them everything. He was an hour and half away from home. He is now 2 hours and half from home in a ward. It sucks for him to be that far and for me not to be able to see him. I still talk to him but not as much as I would like. He told me the reason I didn't do it was because of me. No one else but me. I'm happy that he is alive, but sad that he is far away and I can't talk to him as much. But I'm also so very proud of him for doing what he knew he needed to do and that was to get help. I have never been more afraid in my life. I know some people would say move on, this is too much. But I can't I love him so much. Things have been rough lately and I know its going to be still a rough road, but I have faith in him and believe in him. He doesn't really have that with his parents or any of his family. I'm his rock and have been since he have been together.

I was pissed off at the same time has worrying like hell. Wondering how in the world he could do this to me. Getting that message I knew it wasn't good. I just start praying like hell for him to just make it through the night and we would get through it all. He knows I'm one of the best worrywarts in the world. I worry about even small things. He also knew I would feel like this was on my hands and that I would have a hard time moving on from something like this. I was still a little pissed when he texted me saying he was fine, but he wouldn't answer my calls or text. Plus his parents aren't my biggest fan, because he was only in contact with me. But even through I don't care for them that much, I was the bigger person in this all. I would call his mom whenever I would hear from him to let her know what I knew. But even now I feel like they are trying to leave me out of things, but he won't listen to his parents, he will listen to me before he would ever listen to them. That doesn't make them happy either, but its not my problem that they don't have a great relationship with him. I'm not really sure why but even when we started dating I could tell they didn't have a great relationship with him. It was more all about his brother who was becoming a cop.

I just really had to get this out. Thanks for anyone who read this and listened to me.