Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Do you remember that first urge, that first passion and glow? Do you remember that attraction and the sense of always wanting to be with each other?
That process is called bonding. The uniting of love, passion, desire, emotions. The combining of mutual desires and expectations. The oneness of two.
What happens to that? Where does it go? How does it dimish over time?
I think the better question is how do we keep it going?
How did you bond in the first place? How or what did you do to cause it to happen or help it along?
A healthy relationship has the process of re-bonding in it.
Go back to your original bonding process and see what you can bring forward back into your relationship as it stands now. Some of what we initially did looks immature and foolish from todays point of view. That's OK. If you find that kind of stuff too embarassing look at the things that aren't.
Re-bond, be active and pro-active in the process.
That process is called bonding. The uniting of love, passion, desire, emotions. The combining of mutual desires and expectations. The oneness of two.
What happens to that? Where does it go? How does it dimish over time?
I think the better question is how do we keep it going?
How did you bond in the first place? How or what did you do to cause it to happen or help it along?
A healthy relationship has the process of re-bonding in it.
Go back to your original bonding process and see what you can bring forward back into your relationship as it stands now. Some of what we initially did looks immature and foolish from todays point of view. That's OK. If you find that kind of stuff too embarassing look at the things that aren't.
Re-bond, be active and pro-active in the process.
We used to leave all kinds of love notes for each other tucked into unexpected places. We still give each other love notes, only the method has changed we send each other text messages and it delights me just like the little paper notes did. Im a big tease and we still flirt with each other. I think thats part of our bonding with one another. Its delightful! I think keeping your relationship fresh and interesting is an important part of this whole process. I remember years ago hearing an author describe the process as rekindling the match. A song I heard years and years ago said something about having a state of our union message, it is a message of a love set free Setting our love free to explore and keep the home fire burning is a great adventure and I love it almost as much as I love my hubby.
One thing I might suggest is to try to not confuse bonding with romance, they're not the same.
Bonding is beyond romance just as intimacy is beyond sexual passion. Did you ever have a pet or special friend as a kid that you just always were together with? That is bonding. Eah and I are each others best friend. We have always been able to confide our deepest secrets and desires with each other with out the fear of being ridiculed or rejected.
In my opinion a healthy relationship starts as a friendship first. That is not to say that all of the other things can't happen at the same time, just that the root or foundation is friendship.
For us rebonding is time together without an agenda. No plans no expectations just being there.
We used to make the mistake of thinking that being busy with each other was the same think. We used to belong to movie rental discount clubs and watch rental movies together. When the movie was over I didn't feel like we had spent close and quality time.
Sometimes we just hold each other and rest in each others arms. There is no need to perform or do anything.
We take walks along the river trail through town (see some of our pictures) and sit on a bench together to just be together.
We're friends who miss each other when apart, and when apart have an expectation of rejoining.
When I was in the Navy,(age 18 to 22) I used to go to Navigators Bible Studies. Sometimes they would have large weekend seminars. At one of those seminars the guest speaker had set aside time for open questions. He had the audience take 3 x 5 cards to write questions on that he would read and answer. This was at a very lonely time in my life when even though I was in a large group of people I felt very alone. On my card I asked what does it take to be a friend and to have friends. The speaker answered with a question:
What kind of person does a dog go up to, to get its head patted?
The answer is: The kind of person that would pat a dog on the head.
He then said "If you want to have friends be a friend."
Bonding takes being the kind of person that the other would want to be bonded to.