Healthy Relationships Support Group
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So my hubby has had a rough life. I believe this has had a huge impact on his life's relationships.
At 12 he was abandoned (orphaned) and bounced around foster care. He started smoking at 13, doing cocaine and other various drugs while hanging out with the wrong crowds and kids much older than him. He did finish school and eventually found great foster parents who he's proud to call mom and dad.
His real mom died when he was a teenager and his real dad died about 5 years ago. His dad was verbally abusive and treated him like garbage. His foster parents are not your average parents (they are chronic weed smokers) and are very carefree and not ones to really set great examples but they know how to love. And they are kind.
Hubby doesn't have close friends. He has his "closest" friend who is in his 60's and hubby is 40. Nothing wrong with that. Friends he's had, other than one who was the best man at our wedding even though they aren't close, have been drinking buddies at best. People who ask him for money or I feel people who don't truly care about him.
His sister and parents have asked him for money and it's not like we have any to spare. This is what he's used too....living pay check to pay check.
My friends and family don't really connect with hubby and I wish it were different. He's got a hard exterior, he doesn't open up.
I want better communication. I want to save money and have things. I'm not expecting a mansion or to be rich, but I think my wants aren't unrealistic. He thinks I should be happy with the fact that I have food on the table, a family and friends who love me, a good job with benefits, and health, and a roof over my head. I agree. And I'm happy I have all these things. But I want to save for our future and retirement. To provide for future kids.
Do u think he will ever budge? Do you think we will ever have a normal relationship? Will he always be closed up and hard to open up too? Do u think his hard life made him this way?
At 12 he was abandoned (orphaned) and bounced around foster care. He started smoking at 13, doing cocaine and other various drugs while hanging out with the wrong crowds and kids much older than him. He did finish school and eventually found great foster parents who he's proud to call mom and dad.
His real mom died when he was a teenager and his real dad died about 5 years ago. His dad was verbally abusive and treated him like garbage. His foster parents are not your average parents (they are chronic weed smokers) and are very carefree and not ones to really set great examples but they know how to love. And they are kind.
Hubby doesn't have close friends. He has his "closest" friend who is in his 60's and hubby is 40. Nothing wrong with that. Friends he's had, other than one who was the best man at our wedding even though they aren't close, have been drinking buddies at best. People who ask him for money or I feel people who don't truly care about him.
His sister and parents have asked him for money and it's not like we have any to spare. This is what he's used too....living pay check to pay check.
My friends and family don't really connect with hubby and I wish it were different. He's got a hard exterior, he doesn't open up.
I want better communication. I want to save money and have things. I'm not expecting a mansion or to be rich, but I think my wants aren't unrealistic. He thinks I should be happy with the fact that I have food on the table, a family and friends who love me, a good job with benefits, and health, and a roof over my head. I agree. And I'm happy I have all these things. But I want to save for our future and retirement. To provide for future kids.
Do u think he will ever budge? Do you think we will ever have a normal relationship? Will he always be closed up and hard to open up too? Do u think his hard life made him this way?
I turned my life around before i was 25 because i had a clear vision of what i wanted and left my past far behind.
Whether your husband is going to change it is really hard to say because you know him best.
Hope things work out for you!!
Sorry just trying to remember what story goes with who!
If he is a big drinker more that likely unless he changes that the other things won't change either.
You are probably right that if his drinking doesn't change, nothing else will. At this point his smoking is worse than his drinking.
I have seen a change in him though....he opened up to me wholeheartedly like I've never seen. I think that was a huge step for him
Or 20 years down the road he is going to suck you dry and you won't have a leg to stand on...then all that saving and clipping coupons will have been for nothing.
Oh what were your questions? Will you ever have a normal relationship - well what do you consider normal? Is it the life you lead or the dream you want?
Will he always be closed up and hard to open up too? He won't change into the mold you want unless he wants to change.
Do you think his hard life made him this way? I think everyone's life has made them into the person they are, what else do we know? If a person doesn't want to change, then they aren't going to change..
Asking us isn't going to give you any answers you don't already know.