Sometimes venting is the best thing we can do. If we keep our anger or unhappiness inside, it turns into depression. When I was a teenager, I was emotionally abused by my father to the point that I tried to take my own life. So please, keep posting here and venting. That's one of the things DS groups are for. God bless you and I pray that He will heal you.

Thank you so much

I am depressed but I would not self-harm. I would not give the toxic people in my life that satisfaction. I will survive. I can't say I'll be happy, and there are times of deep sadness and angst, but just to spite them...I will survive!

I'm glad you're a survivor! It took me a long time to get that spunky LOL. My beloved oldest sister has had depression for many years, but like you, she never thinks of self-harm because she takes care of a husband with multiple disabilities and has 2 sons and 2 granddaughters whom she adores.

'I'm 63 and feel very trapped. I have a lot of physical issues that do not allow me to work, and I am trapped in what is a hopeless, and in my opinion abusive marriage.'
Trapped because you can't leave and earn a living on your own. There may be social security/ disability money you can collect. You could get divorced and your hubby will have to pay alimony - I am not really for this on religious grounds myself. You and your husband must come right somehow; possibly with counselling.

'I have been verbally abused, belittled, invalidated, blamed, shamed until I am a shadow of myself.
This has to stop or you go. You deserve to be treated with dignity - it's a fundamental human right. Personally, I would not stand for such treatment. I would take so much and then take action. I would not harm the perpetrators with violence. I would warn them to desist; that I find their behaviour unacceptable. If it didn't stop after all that, then I would have little choice but to leave and make a new life for myself apart from them. They might come around and see the error of their ways. Nobody treats me like dirt if I can help it.

You are not as trapped as you think: where there's a will there's a way. It would take great courage but with God's help anything is possible.

I would not be eligible for disability because I was a housewife and never paid in. I would not be eligible for Social Security either. I would have to be living on the streets without a home, then maybe they'd give me two cents to live on.

Maryland does not have alimony. Only rehabilitative alimony, and you are expected to go find work. Given how my body is, I can't work.

I've been down both roads you suggest, dead end.

Make a new life, where, how, with what money? I'd end up dead on the streets because I don't know how to fend for myself.

Husband and I had counseling, and it got so bad, the counselor made it stop for their own safety. All it does is rev things up.

Dignity is for those who can defend themselves, or have a way out, I can do neither.

Hi Littlefeather. I m so sorry that you are in such a bad situation. I believe you are eligible for SSI at 65.

I want to ask you, if you don’t mind.. and I m asking this with reproach, but rather to understand.
Your husband didn’t turn into an asshole overnight, I m sure he was this was for many years. When your children were of age, what stopped you from establishing a career?
For my generation it seems like an impossible dream not to work while parenting.
I remember my husband asking me to be a stay home mom.. thank god I didn’t listen.
When it came time to act, I divorced him without any hesitation because of his infidelity.
I can’t imagine being trapped like you are. It has to be really rough.

I was disabled. I had severe spinal issues that resulted in having one leg I can't feel, and partial bowel and bladder loss of control, along with constant and severe pain. Hard to work like that. No I'm not eligible if I didn't pay in. I was a housewife all my life.

Yeah...it's rough.

That’s so awful.. being sick sucks. I was on disability for 6 months..
I believe it is SSDI that you can’t have, but SSI is different.
There has to be a way out of this.
Are you able to have your own space where you live ?

The only way out would be to completely bankrupt myself, live in a shelter, and then apply. Because I was a housewife I didn't pay in. Because my husband made what he did, it's considered joint income.

Own space? I'm still married, we occupy a condo. My only solace is that there are two bedrooms, one across the entire condo from the other.

SSI requires a certain level of income, I'd have to be below poverty level. Given my health could you actually imagine me living in a shelter, scrounging for food? I'd be fair game, and dead in a week.