On your high horse much?

Nobody is perfect. If we all waited to be issue-less before entering a relationship, nobody would be in one!

I can say Wow too. Do you have legit question or you are here to condemn someone with "unresolved issues"?
Is it right to enter relationship if you have problems? Why not, who doesn't have problems? Love is above all. And love is healing. If it wasn't love after all, at least people learn something from another one, their partner, or situation itself. Everything is evolving in this world.
One thing this world doesn't need a bunch of miserable lonely people, who stay single just because they got issues.
Great day!

Amen Vicky ad She!!!

AND

I agree that we all have unresolved issues. We're human and that comes with baggage :O) Thing is, we're responsible / accountable for that baggage and how we plop it down in someone else's life.

I have come to realize through the years, that people are very scared to be alone, so they run from one relationship to another. They don't take the time needed to review what happened and heal so they are all fresh and ready for a new love in life. Instead, millions of broken hearts are creating horrible cycles:
Experience Heart Break
Scared to be alone
Rush into a relationship
Say all the words you want to believe
Realize that you are still messed up from before
Hurt this new person because you weren't ready

Now that I see this common habit, I'm unable to keep doing it and I'm pretty vocal with my friends about it too. When we rush into another connection, we are taking an innocent heart and crushing it. It's irresponsible to involve other people in our healing process.

So from that perspective, I see what you mean already59.

agree with #5......I witness so many people leaping from one relationship to the next, purely because they can't or won't be alone...it's a fate worse than death for them.

I cannot be friends with these people - the self destructive behaviour is abhorrent to me. I also basically can't/don't date.....because dating sites and places are full of desperate people looking for someone else to fix or distract them from their own issues.........and they don't care who they hurt in the process....

This saying of "i have to get back out there"........why? like that is going to fix anything.........

I don't know how old the OP is, but wait till you hit your mid forties and are surrounded by people with their own issues AND a history of disastrous and hurtful relationships, because they just couldn't be alone..........it's a war zone.....no wonder I prefer dogs.

Especially like #1 and #5.

Agree, if we all waited to be perfect, honky-dorey, squeaky-clean of all issues, we'd never interact with each other, and then we'd be missing out on much sexual sizzle, warmth and comfort that comes from the meshing of flesh and souls, some of the finer things in life.

AND...

Agree that there is a horrible cycle in going from relationship to relationship without taking the time to be alone with one's self and do the introspection to determine one's own foibles as part of the reason the previous relationship didn't work out, then replacing those foibles with correct thinking before entering into the next relationship.

Honestly I think it is more about what the unresolved issue is. Will the issue hurt the other person or any person that you get into a relationship with? Does it stop you from being able to love or be loved, participating in a relationship? So really the answer can only be answered by the person with the issue and if the partner can deal with the issue or not. Often we think we can personally handle our issue and move forward but then the other person can't. Being in a relationship is a combination of things and this is just another one of those things that applies to the Individual person or the relationship it is affecting and not humans as a whole.

Thank you MsTeriLyn, CopingJust, and strimble2 for understanding my topic. I guess I should have elaborated on the meaning of issues. Maybe some would not have come so quickly to their conclusions (perfection, high horse, condemning).

After divorcing my first wife I developed this hateful attitude towards women all women. I felt like women were only good for satisfying my needs and nothing else. I carried this attitude for nearly twelve years. To this day I hurt when I see TV commercials of military members returning home and being greeted by their spouses, girlfriends, family members, and friends. You see I didnt receive any of that. My wife left me at the aircraft hanger until dark and not just once. The aircraft were moved, the personnel were gone, all the decorations taken down and there I was waiting alone. This along with other things she did really hurt. So my point is, with that attitude towards women would it have been right for me to involve another woman, I say NO!.

And yes I did have to come to grips with that attitude, it was wrong. I am married again been married for 15 years and I am very happy. My wife has some of the very same traits as my first wife but the difference is in the way my current wife treats me. By the way my current wife had anxiety problems when we meet but she got help and you wouldnt know she had anxiety problems unless you asked her.

No I dont think one has to be perfect, free from of all their issues. There are issues that dont rise to the level of stressing a relationship as do others. I also dont believe well ever be without some issue. But there are some issues we should at least have under control before we involve another person.

So let me share some of the things I read that lead to this question/topic.
Mental issues (where someone may get hurt or killed)
Still in love with the ex
Porn addicts
Violent/abusive temper
Mommy/daddy issues
Paranoid (youre cheating with everyone)
Anxiety/depression

My hurt for some reason is still with me some 25 years later. It doesnt affect our relationship.

I agree with others, everyone has issues. I think it's more important that the person has the desire and willingness to work on the issues, more so than to have them completely resolved before entering a relationship. From my own experience, I know not everyone is afforded the opportunity to get the help they need dependent on many situations in life.

Much like your current wife, she came into your relationship with issues. For whatever reason beforehand she did not work on her anxiety, but decided with you to seek treatment. That's the case with a lot of healthy relationships, mine included. I came in with the desire to help myself and with my husband I took the opportunity I'd never had before, I got help for my own well being, but also because I whole heartedly love my husband, I knew he deserved to be with the best me possible.

In relationships issues can rise at any moment, in some cases they can occur during the relationship. I've experienced this as well, what was most important was a willingness to get help. You know the saying you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped, well it's true. Long story short, wanting help is the first step, as long as someone is at that stage, I don't see any problem getting into a relationship. It might just be the motivator for them to take the next step in actually seeking help.

Each one of us has issues just within ourselves and a relationship has its own set of demands, which cause more issues. In short, life is hard! Glad you found a soothing, harmonious love that exists despite those personal issues!

Anxiety/depression are reasons to not get into a relationship? Yep, it was THIS that irked me about your original post. You see, I have PTSD, and there is no cure for PTSD. Are you saying that I don't deserve to be in a relationship until I'm fixed? I will never be fixed. I will forevermore have one quirk or another related to my trauma.

My high horse comment stands, even more so now that you've confirmed what I merely assumed.

Since we all have issues, seems the trick is talking with others who gel harmoniously with ours! This is more an art than a science, of course, is a trial-and-error give-and-take process of honest communication, and yes, I agree, a WILLINGNESS to at least WORK ON our issues, some of which, yes, may never be fixed, but we can choose to move forward toward what we want in life IN SPITE OF those issues.

"whose ISSUES gel harmoniously with ours" I meant.

just wondering,

why do people put so much emphasis on weeding out people by their issues and baggage and incapability? i got a laundry list a mile long. i am always up front about it. i have gotten so used to being judged i just tell them all from the get go. but what if i didn't have to be? it feels so much like a job interview anymore even just trying to make friends. you might get a short blip on interests or basic info, but then its like this list of well nastiness they won't touch.

where is the things you love about yourself? what about the beautiful things you love sharing with others?

who's to say that you won't find your most cherished companion in the person who leaves their dishes in the sink? heaven forbid you find love with the man who didn't realize that living with your PTSD was more than he bargained for but he never left and even saved your life? then one day you find out you saved his?

does anyone else find it sad that there is so much fixation what is wrong with people?