Healthy Relationships Support Group

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Anyone been sucked in by a sociopath?

barnmaidbren
barnmaidbren

I was with an angry, alcoholic with sociopath tendencies for 21 years but made every excuse in the book for him. I am away now and just beginning the healing process. Has anyone else dealt with this? I wish I would have recognised this behaviour when i first met him it would have saved myself and my children years of grief and pain. I hope i don't have to be alone forever but i'm afraid I may fall for the same thing again if i don't recognise all of the signs. 

johnnycake
johnnycake
That describes my second marriage. The people on this site are tremendously supportive... those in this group especially so:

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/victims-of-psychopaths-or-sociopaths
forestfreek
forestfreek
So sorry you went through this for so long!! I guess the key to not getting into another relationship that is just as toxic is to make sure you heal, mend and take time for just you and your kids. If you are just beginning the healing process you have a long way to go before thinking about another relationship. Mending the wounds of being with someone for 21 years who was that dysfunctional is going to take some time. Focus on being with friends and family for now and also taking care of YOU. Once you get okay with *you* again, you'll not be so vulnerable to the charms of another complete d-bag.
BTW, are your kids ok through all of this??
barnmaidbren
barnmaidbren
Oh I agree I'm not looking for a relationship just thinking about the distant future. My children are grown now with lives and spouses of their own. It was just hard on them back then. They are extremely happy that I got away from him. Its much more difficult than people will ever know to just leave. The manipulator is quite good at making you feel you have to stay. I live alone now and lost most of my friends due to his smear campaign so life is a bit lonely now.
forestfreek
forestfreek
Hi barnmaidbren!
Sorry, I misunderstood and should have calculated that if you had been with him for 21 years that there was a chance your kids were grown. I was replying on the tail-end of a 14 hour shift yesterday (not wise on my part:)) so I was in a brain fog.

"Its much more difficult than people will ever know to just leave."
Amen to that. And unless someone has been in the situation they have no right to judge the fact that you stayed. I am extremely happy for you that you finally did get out and are starting to live a life for YOU. Have you considered counselling? You've withstood abuse for a very long time - there are bound to be nasty scars and emotional wounds from that.
Just talking to someone may help you sort out why you stayed and also address the concern you have of potentially taking up with someone similar (when you are ready for a relationship, of course).
Take care....
Jen
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug for you Barn....Kudos to you for having the courage to get away... It's great that you're taking the time you need to heal.... I was once married to a narcissist and there are some similar tendencies that suck the life out of you...
I think if you are uncertain about you then perhaps some therapy might be a big help for your self worth and understanding what you don't want for your future... Another hug and a blessing.....xo
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