Im many cases oposites attract...... but if he does'nt have the ability to laugh at your jokes and understand you that could be a problem. Is it possible that he might be playing with you trying to make you think he doesnt get it as a joke ? If you like your more than welcome to message me or im me whichever you prefer

Greg

Hi MeAndHer,

You said, " is it unrealistic to want the following in a relationship: common interests; a partner you can talk with, and joke with; someone with common goals; someone i don't feel like i have to explain myself to."

Are you saying that you have been together for 7 years and you are just now noticing these things lacking?

Or is this something new?

I can relate to this completely. My ex was the same way. I think that you need to be with someone that makes you happy. Are you happy? You used the phrase "successful marriage", but what is your idea of a successful marriage? I think it's very ikmportant that if you want to laugh with someone, you do just that. The guy I'm talking to now, that's all we do and I love it. I broke away from my ex for many of the same reasons you just named. But you have 7 years invested, so if I were you I would talk to him and see if maybe he notices these things too. Maybe he's willing to liven up your relationship too. You never know.

Our primary relationship should be 'thee' one in most every aspect. All the planets should line up (Emotionally, Spiritually, Intellectually and Physically) Otherwise, we are simply with another person who 'seems to fit' and honey, there are plenty of those out there.

If he doesn't get you now, he never will. It's a chemistry thing. Once you experience perfect chemistry with someone you won't be able to go back to constantly explaining something as simple and wonderful as your sense of humor.

Something to think about....

so, I've been doing some serious soul-searching the last 5 days...

I've figured out that I've been pretending. I've been passive for most of my life, and recently went to individual counseling for about 10 months. I've grown more assertive and confident. Now I'm getting used to being true to myself, which I haven't been most of my life. I've discovered (these last few days) that I've just gone with the flow of our relationship. I've agreed to things to avoid conflict. I've portrayed myself to be someone that I'm truly not. I've shown him a picture of what I thought he wanted me to be, which was not always my true self. I've hidden certain behaviors and comments from him because I knew he didn't like those things about me. And I finally reached a point that I can't keep doing that. It's tiring...

I also want to add, it kind of goes both ways. I've hidden myself from him, and I've also not spoken up about my doubts about him, and my dislikes... I always figured things would get better if i just kept my mouth shut. But they never got better. So now, I've finally got fed up with hiding myself, and hiding my true feelings about him.

On the surface, we looked like the happy, perfect couple.

So, now I have to figure out how the hell to break it to him. We've invested over 7 yrs of our time together. How do I bring it up? It's truly agonizing....

Ok so I relate to this to. My ex still doesn't know the real me. It's very tough trying to hide who you really are because you think your partner won't approve. I think you have already come a long way in realizing what is going on. Unfortunatley most women live out there whole lives married to a man they don't really love. So hunny I think that even though it's going to be hard as hell, you need to bite the bullet and get out while you still can. True love is out there waiting I promise. Just keep thinking about that. Think about the fact that there is someone out there that will listen to your jokes, make you smile and listen to everything you have to say. It does get better. But you have to believe that. Keep updating. I hope all goes well.

Breaking up is horrible and painful and hard. I would definitely stick with your therapy for this kind of thing. I went through a really traumatic breakup about twelve years ago. I initiated it, I moved out, I knew it was for the better and it was still hard. I spent a long time grieving that relationship.

BUT ... I'm married to a great guy now who is light years apart from the guy I was with before. We're much healthier and much happier than I ever would have been before.

If you are miserable now, then it won't get better if you get married. It is good you found this out now so you can go find the right person.

It'll be tough, but it will also be SO worth it in the end! You deserve a person who really "gets" you ... best wishes!