I am okay being single but don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I am a christian don't think its right to have sex outside of marriage, but did anyways. I know I am a hypocrite. I jumped from one relationship to another. Not anymore. I have a friend who I know from my church that lectured me in the most loving and kind way. She told me to say no to my passions. Its like my friend said, I don't need a man, I would like to have a man in my life. I don't have family near to support me. They don't care to understand me because of my depression and anxiety. My closest friends don't live close by. I do have many interests but I cannot afford to drive anywhere sometimes because money is so tight. I have a small dog, she is good company. I talk to her a lot. I do see a therapist. I have been in therapy for years, been to support groups too, and have had to work on recovery for years and years. I like to do crafts but lately, have been so depression haven't had the motivation to do my crafts. I need a table and chair to do my crafts.
I just don't think I am the type to always be alone, and be single for a long long time. It seems that relationships get more complicated when we get older. I would love to have a man to go to church with, and pray with. But, sometimes they also are hypocrites. So, I will try to enjoy day and try not to worry about tomorrow

As a rule, you tend to date and/or marry the people you subconsciously think you deserve. Your partner is often a reflection on yourself. If you have low self esteem then you tend to pick partners whom cater to that. They tend to be emotionally unavailable. And for some women they twist that quality into believing it's a measure of emotional "strength". But in truth the mechanics driving this pursuit is the underlying feeling they have to "earn" these fellas. They don't feel good enough about themselves so they desire men they have to "chase".

In chasing the men they feel better about themselves if they land one. But in reality their chasing a cliche'. They broad stroke what a "man" is by their own flawed definition of what they want. And in the end, become a cliche themselves. If you have a low opinion of men then chances are good you don't exhibit qualities that would attract or keep a better one. A grounded PERSON can see when an individual is locked in a struggle to apply labels to others. That's why the 'good ones' get away. They can see your not clear about what you truly want because your self esteem is too low. But unfortunately you don't see it for yourself, because your too busy covering up that fact by judging the gender rather than your own poor rating system in picking them.

Livetowin - you do make a relevant and logical point, though your pointedness is a bit of a hard pill to swallow. I certainly can see in my past wherevive chosen men based on how I felt about myself. I didn't feel I deserved better (responsible, dependable, honest, etc.). I settled and justified my decision. While I never claimed i picked the "wrong men", I did accept I was choosing men that weren't the healthiest options for me.

Learning to be content as a single has made a huge difference in my pursuit of the wrong men for me. I don't feel I NEED a man. Want ... sure, but I'm ok being single until a compatible partner comes along, even if that means he never comes along. I can still date and get my needs met without investing emotionally in someone that's not a good match for me, just because of a fear of ending up alone.

Being single is a perfectly good lifestyle decision!

i know my pickers broke am done and going to date myself for a long while

Wildflower18 if my remarks seemed to be laced with a degree of pointedness, it's because of her sarcastic remark that a "normal and healthy man" may not exist. Well, that's a cop out. You generalize when you quit. It's easier to just broad stroke the crowd than to consider that maybe the problem is the person in the mirror. And what I said is quite relevant. People pick the partners they believe feed to their insecurities. It may not be a forward thinking or conscious decision. But if you look back, it's easy to see your subconscious in play. And if there's a trend as this poster indicates, then who is the one constant in all of those relationships? Her. It's how she picks them and what she looks for. If your picking emotionally unattached men consistently, then you should understand there is an emotional deficit within you that is calling upon that quality. But it shouldn't call the male species into question as much as her choices within that pack. All I'm suggesting is that she find some accountability in her own actions. I think the Christian discipline speaks to that doesn't it? (;

Livetowin - I'm certainly not disagreeing with you. Hindsight is 20/20 and I definitely see areas in my life where your point fits perfectly. The pointedness comment was more in terms that it can be a hard pill to swallow - realizing you are at the heart of the problem. That acceptance can also be a bit empowering as well because you realize you do have some control over the situation, but it takes a lot of reflection and conscious effort to make the changes that need to be made. I'm in that stage right now. I easily revert to old patterns if I'm not conscious of my behaviors. I hate to think of the kind of relationship I could end up in if I DON'T do the personal growth that is necessary in order to have a healthy relationship.

Livetowin you again have some valuable advise.....I think that sometimes it is needed to be alone in order to accept who we are, what our flaws are and what we need in a partner, lonliness is a difficult pill to swallow but one we need to get over if we are not going to throw ourselves into yet another relationship destined to fail because we have not taken the time to know ourselves and what we have to offer to the opposite sex.

My man picker is broken too, well maybe it's more that I have let them pick me! I've only been with guys who came to me, I've never gone after a guy I was interested in, just those who made the first move. So far it hasn't worked. It does seem that they have all shown me their nice at first and then the ugly comes out later. I recently went to a movie with a new guy-turns out he let me know ASAP how crazy he is, I guess there's a first time for everything! There's another guy who has never talked to me that wants the girl at the gym to get him a date with me, she told about my latest experience and he said "I'll be her crazy guy!". She told him that was exactly what I didn't need.
I think I will never find "the one".

i also think there truly are a lot of misguided males who lack emotional depth, simply because of a history of men treating women like utter crap and being able to get away with it, and because they were raised not to cry, and that experiencing any emotion is equated to weakness. also this kind of behavior is glamorized due to the overly dominant Patriarchal background that seems to be a part of almost ALL world history.

though your points are just as relevant and valid, and certainly eloquently phrased, Livetowin, i don't see reality being faced until we also acknowledge how the feminine has been deeply wounded by humanity since the dawn of time. this is also a part of the truth, and something we need to cop to.

it's been wounded and suppressed in males, too..

there's no denying this - it's entirely applicable.

i agree, you are on the right track
move forward, not backward
stay around family and friends you can trust so you will keep your mind off of dead beats.
wht ever you do, dont go gettin baby fever...
take it from me... RUN DONT WALK