Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I tend to jump from one relationship to another. I am finally realizing that the man cannot make me happy, i have to make myself happy. I have been so codependent for a while now. I tend to pick men that are emotionally unavailable, controlling, and selfish. I need to take a long break. I now have a hard time trusting men, cause it seems they only have one thing on their mind. When I bring that to a man, he gets angry and tells me that is not true. I am sick and tired of it. I meet men on the internet. They say they are on way, then change. They put on a act to lure me in, then all the fun starts. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I have been intimate with men who I have met online. I know that is dangerous. I have been so stubborn. I finally realize now why my friends tell me "be careful" I want to get healthy, and hopefully I will attract a "normal and healthy man" if there is such a thing. I feel so discouraged about ever meeting someone who is decent, and respects my boundaries and who does not want sex outside of marriage. I don't think its right. I want to be okay being single and try to enjoy my life.
I used to do the same thing as you. So unhealthy.
I always ended up with jerks.
After one particularly disastrous relationship I decided that I was done. I found my Mr. Right when I wasn't looking. He's everything that I've ever wanted.
I hope the same will happen for you!
So many of us guys have a hard time dealing with our more tender feelings, if we have those feelings at all. It's not that we don't care, about you, it's just that we don't always know how we feel about you at any particular time.
OF COURSE we men want sex from you women! Otherwise, outside of friendship, and listening to your traumatic emotional conversations, what's the point of BEING in a relationship with a woman? There's got to be some fun and pleasure there mixed in with the pain, torment and trying to understand each other on an emotional level.
My own personal feeling about no sex before marriage is two-fold:
1) Yes, having sex outside of marriage does "cheapen" the union somewhat
but
2) How can we really KNOW whether we'd like to be married to you unless we've already been completely intimate with you, including sexual intimacy? Marrying before we've "connected" in that way is a HUGE gamble. We might get to the wedding night and realize that we're just not at all compatible, it's awkward as hell, and then we'll be one of the many "married and then divorced in 6 months" statistics. Or we might go many, many years, completely happy, and then one or both of our priorities change, and one or both of us wants out, divorce. I don't know if I can make a lifelong commitment to anybody, because I don't know how I'll BE in 5, 10, 15 years!
Yes, enjoy just being by yourself for awhile. Exercise, read, build up inner strength, know who you are and what you want, then don't settle for anything else.
There's got to be a middle ground, where men and women can understand each other, and completely fulfill all needs, physical and emotional. Keep communicating!
You realize that what you have been doing is not right or good for you.
And spending some time by yourself is a good thing.
I personally gave up on the online thing. Yes many men were interested but they weren't what I was looking for.
Or they were jerks! haha!
Hopefully I too will meet someone when I least expect it.
But I am okay!
I didn't mean you two ladies could get involved; I meant she could give you some helpful advice.
one guy put me under so much stress that my grades suffered. he felt women had no business getting an education that we should be barefoot and preggo giving the guy sex when he wanted it. i couldnt believe what he said to me he bashed me so bad telling me i need to go shoot myself.
this guy was not in college, had his own place, and a job. some of them were college grads or in college, the ones i met were mostly high school dropouts ignorant as fuck! i didnt find them these fools found me. u know, charm brings ppl in. they had race/ppl issues, women issues, etc god who knows what!
they were so emotionally unavailable, but they expected me to drop everything that i am doing and run to them didnt happen. they wouldnt do shit for me and i returned the same mistreatment back to them they were in rage when i did that. i had to hurry and get rid of them because the threats and stalking were coming.
i met my bf on myspace and we have been together for now 7 yrs and he is the only sane guy i have ever met. the past guys i met it was nothing but being emotionally abused all over again ive been through that with my parents/friends not like i need another asshole to do the same thing
Have you spoken with a therapist? I had a great one that helped me sort through my fears of being alone. Right now I'm content dating when I want, having sex when I want, and not having a relationship to be accountable to. I do have a daughter so she keeps me occupied. I imagine I'd feel a lot lonelier if it were just me, but that's where it becomes your responsibility to fill up your life with meaningful interests and pursuits! For me, not being in a relationship is less stressful.