Healthy Relationships Support Group
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so I confronted my partner (via text because I’m too chicken shit to do it face to face,for receiving and watching videos of women pleasuring themselves) this morning only for him to come home to receive the text when he is home so it becomes a face to face (sorta) conversation/disagreement. I ask what does he get outta watching these videos (and after a bit of deflection and trying for excuses) he tells me he gets nothing outta watching them. So I ask why does he watch it and ask for it when he knows it hurts my feelings and disrespects me? His answer? ITS NO DIFFERENT TO YOU WATCHING PORN WHEN IM NOT HOME (he didn’t yell it I’m just so fucking mad that those were his words, because people I don’t watch porn for fun, I respect him enough to not do that to him). He says I’m over reacting blah fucking blah. I get it, not every female has a problem with their man watching some other woman pleasure herself, but the fact is I do. I have a major problem with it. If you want to sit and watch another woman pleasure herself or scroll through pictures of naked women then fine but not when I’m your partner and have expressed my thoughts and feelings about it. I expect to be treated the way I treat him. I don’t think I’m asking too much. Oh so you go without seeing a vagina being played with? well I have one that gets neglected come and actually play and look at it (after you have helped with the children and they are settled for 15 minutes) that would be better then watching something that gives you no pleasure. You want to see tits? Well I have a big set (kinda deflated lately due to breast feeding our 5 month old) why don’t you play with them? Oh I’m not a young skinny tanned female with no cellulite and have an ugly fake pleasure face who wears makeup like a hooker? I NEVER FUCKING WAS SO WHY YOU WITH ME IF YOU DONT FUCKING LIKE IT AND HAVE TO LOOK ELSEWHERE TO FIND WHATEVER GETS YOU GOING?!?!? Don’t tell me you find me attractive and that you love me when you look at naked women behind my fucking back!!!!!!!!
I know I’m not the only one who dislikes it, I also know I’m not the only one who’s expressed their dislike to their partner about it but I feel like I’m the only one who sticks to their guns and fights it. I won’t accept it, if my sons have a girlfriend who expresses their dislike to an action and my boys haven’t changed but want the girl to stay I will be beating their arses till they pulled their heads outta their arses and woke up to themselves.
Thats another thing that makes me think this is doomed, he says that he has had to sacrifice a lot to have a family (we don’t go out to pubs etc, we never did before kids just so you know). He makes me feel like I’m not worth changing or sacrificing for but demands (pretty much) that I continue to work full time (I work in a very emotionally stressful job) and look after the two boys and live an hour outta town with his parents. I mean honestly all I ask for is respect.
Sorry if this is all over the place but I can’t take it for much longer. I’m just so fucking angry, hurt, scared and hopeless.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
I know this is very hard to not take personal, but your Partners need to watch these videos
Has nothing to do with you not being skinny or tanned enough.
I can relate to what you are going through, I was married to my Ex husband for 7 years.
He was addicted to porno. I was very young and naive. I took in very personal,
But it was also very important for my marrieage to work.
You have every right to be upset, especially since you have expressed your thoughts and feelings to him.
You deserve to be respected.
You can tell him that you can watch porn together. He can watch you pleasure yourself. But the fact is he's going to do what he wants to do.
He's trying to punish you, for what - I don't know. But this whole thing about how HE had to sacrifice so much for a family? Huh? He demands you work?
No.
What are you getting out of this relationship?
You are hurt. You are angry. I would be too. But what I would do is go talk with a lawyer. You aren't married, right? You live with his family? You are already in a weak position. I'd get some legal advice right away and follow it.
In the meantime, you won't get respect until you demand it. When he goes off on you, just look at him calmly and tell him that is not acceptable. If he continues like this, it won't be long before those kids of yours start disrespecting you as well. Don't engage in some heating screaming match.
Just stand firm and tell him you don't like how he is treating you. And start making your plans to leave.
at the moment, i really can't say anymore. just know that you are right -- there ARE other people out there who do not agree with this type of behavior. and i hope it helps you to know that there are others who not only agree with this type of behavior but there are also others who DO NOT ACCEPT this type of behavior, too.
keep your head up. i might swing back around and leave more later.
Thank you for your opinion though we are all free to have our own.
Thanks for the perspective but I really think people need to start realising that relationships are 50/50 and respect is the most important thing to have for your partner. I don’t expect more then I’m willing to give. I don’t ask for much either. I don’t ask for jewellery or presents for no reason in fact the only piece of jewellery he has bought me was a ring six months into our relationship for my 21st (omg so long ago) now I get flowers on my bday and nothing usually at Christmas but he used to get stuff for Christmas and still gets stuff for his bday (gamers love games I suppose). All I want is him to laugh at my lame jokes (even fake laugh) back me up in public then school me in private. Respect my wishes and feelings just like I do for him. Of course the more unreasonable things either get compromised on or one or the other gets their way. And for him to acknowledge when he is in the wrong and try to fix it instead of ignoring the issue (my feelings) because he thinks I’m overreacting (which by the way I wasn’t). Is that an unreasonable request?
I think men and women can look very differently at porn and think differently about it
I was just commenting on another post and looked it up and there's studies done about this subject
I am sure that he gets a little turned on but it's by a film.. ... This isn't personal and I personally don't think it's disrespectful ... again this is just me
To him I think he's simply watching a sexy film even if that isn't the way that you see it
Masturbation is a pretty normal act ... do you think that perhaps?? he could see this as controlling him?
I'm just throwing this out as food for thought.....
However lying is something else again..... I agree that some calm discussion could help
Maybe knowing that he can be honest whether or not you agree completely may help
I don't like porn or do I get into it however I've looked at several movie stars that I think are hot and I've never considered it cheating ... He doesn't even know these women .. I think that this is just imagery to him
If it's effecting your sex life that would be another story and I also agree if he's lying
Again just another perspective... I hope that you can work it out ..... Big hug....xo