Have you been able to get into therapy?... A cognitive type of therapy could help you a great deal if you can manage it

Yes, thank you. I have been in therapy for about two years now and it’s been helpful. I could go back to some of the CBT techniques I previously learned.

I found this book really helpful and there are exercises at the end of each chapter. The New Codependency by M. Beatty. Her older version is Codependent No More. But The New Codependency helped me really think through my own issues and work to changing me. Another aspect is recognizing our own negative self talk. So when the fear thoughts crop into your mind, try saying to yourself something like hello, fear thought. Just recognize it in your mind or out loud if you are alone. Also write yourself some affirmations about how you are lovable. I think it starts with our self love and self value inside our own heads. What affirmation I did was I am valuable and worthy of love AND I decided I needed to simply decide to love myself. So I started saying to myself, I have self love and self value/worth. It was an open decision to change my own thinking. I will love myself, I will value myself. I tend to write these affirmations and read them many times per day. I put notes on my bathroom mirror and on my computer screen or other places and I read and reread and reread. If you do this stuff daily, in a while your mind will go to the positive instead of the negative. Give it 3 months or longer, but read and make the affirmation many times per day. When the negative stuff comes in, remember and say to yourself the positive affirmation. We can control our minds but we have to work on it daily. Make a new habit of positive self talk. I will say that my old negative self talk still crops up but I can now counter it with positive. And I will still feel guilt at first after I say no to activities or requests I don't want to do. So then I counter that guilt by saying I must love myself first and foremost. I get busy doing something else or I listen to the radio or a podcast and that negative seems to slip away, or I go for a walk or do yard work outside. It is redirecting our mind. I learned this in CBT therapy as SunCloudJD mentioned. But nothing works if we don't practice it daily.

I think anytime we learn helpful techniques in we should keep them handy. Think of it like a tool box you always have at your disposal. Regardless of one’s issues I think it’s very normal to sometimes have to regroup and sort of get back to basics. That’s where the tools come in handy.

Hi! I think there are some great thoughts in the above replies. I also struggle with negative thoughts of myself from time to time. What has helped me has been to spend time on things I enjoy doing---exercise, origami, learning a language, baking. Having interests and feeling more interesting has helped me feel more positive about myself.

I think negative thoughts about oneself is a result of low self-esteem.

During my recovery from alcoholism, my sponsor told me something that I will never forget. To gain self-esteem you must do estimable acts.

And these don't have to be huge acts. As simple as putting the grocery buggy where it belongs rather than randomly leaving it the parking lot, this worthy act is also a humble act. This boils down to doing the right thing without drawing attention to oneself. Humility means you know your intrinsic value and don't need the accolades of others to know you have worth and value.

Doing the things that you enjoy fosters a sense of achievement, of confidence and increases your self-esteem. I think you are on the right path and hope you reach your goal soon.