Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
my name is Sam and I'm currently in what I think is an emotionally abusive relationship, he has never directly hit me although he has threatened to or threw stuff at me. My partner is on the Autism spectrum and doesn't cope with his emotions very well, especially when angry. I sometimes think that maybe I'm the one who needs to cope better with his condition and that he can't help acting the way he does. But I'm at my wits ends, if I do something or say something he doesn't like he taunts me and calls me every name under the sun, he also threatens to kill himself every time I say I want to leave. He punches himself in the head and has even tried strangling himself with his seatbelt while sitting next to me in the car. He tries to nag me into sex every night and makes me feel guilty if I don't want it. He calls me a c word probably 5 times a day. It's gotten to the stage where I've began filming his outbursts cause I'm worried I may need proof if he does something serious. He gets in my face and scares me to the point where I have to leave the house and this just makes him angrier. Everyone who knows about the situation tells me it's not healthy and that I need to leave but it's not that easy we have built a life together and we have a home. I want to be able to work through this but I just don't know how to cope anymore. Is this abuse or is it just due to his disability? Should I learn how to deal with his condition? Am I making it worse?
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
This is not what people do in loving, healthy relationships. I think when you are in a relationship with someone who has any kind of condition, you do have to educate yourself about it so you can cope with it and to recognize what is the condition and what is just personality. But as an adult who must be rather high functioning if managed to meet you and start a relationshiph with you, he really has to own the issue and get some help to deal with living in the world.
Much may very well be from his condition. Asperger behaviors really aren't the same as in someone non-autistic spectrum.
That said...sounds like...he's really not ready to be in a relationship yet. Social Skills ARE skills. And they can be learned even by someone that's autistic. They may not end up fluent, but they can learn enough to know that there are words not to say and actions not to do.
First...keep yourself safe. Autism or not...won't keep him out of jail if he hurts you.
Second, if you can separate...even for 6 months...I would do that. Once you're recording to make a record, shows that you're THAT concerned. Don't ignore that, act on it.
Third, most people will tell you to just leave, but I know autism, and a bit about human behavior. Those people are probably right, your life will be much simpler if you leave. But if you want to keep trying, make it a condition of seeing him that weekend that BOTH he goes to individual therapy, AND that the two of you go to couple's therapy.
Set it up so that BOTH appointments must be made and you'll see him and spend time with him. If he's not willing to do that...then he's not even ready for a limited relationship. This isn't about him being a "good or bad" person. But a person that just doesn't have the SKILLS yet.
. If he's not I would leave.... You're being emotionally blackmailed presently and this is completely unacceptable
You are not nor will you ever be responsible for 'HIS' behaviour.....
If you care enough to want to try and work this out providing he gets into therapy in order to change his behaviour I hope that you can grow and thrive together......xo
What the hell are you doing? Really, you need to wake up here. I'm not saying this to be mean but to get you to take action and save yourself from this miserable excuse of a human being. HE HITS YOU!! Why are you allowing this. Get a protective order, get out of the situation. Call your parents and ask them to help you.
He's hitting you now.... Do you want to be going through this only worse 5 years from now because it will get worse.... He should be charged with assault..... He assaulted you.... Why don't you believe that your deserve better???
Very proud of you for reaching out for help from your parents and for calling the police.