Not spam on my spam-o-meter, Jiga. These are some of the very confusions we are here to sort through. Sort freely. Sort often. Don't worry about the minders. Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.

I'm going to cop out on answering your questions. I believe they are as counter-productive as a Teen magazine survey. Seems to me that the generic dialogues about what men and women really want are far more popular among the many-ex crowd than the stable relationship crowd. There is only one man in my bed. Why should I care what the other 3.5 billion men in the world want? If he doesn't know, in his own words, my job is to just hold his hand while he sorts his own strictly personals. My husband can go take a flying leap if he wants to treat me like all the other 3.5 billion women on the planet or wants to listen to his e-buddies more than he listens to me. Come back when you remember who you are talking to, Hon.

Just my opine. . . Continued support while you sort your own, Jiga.

If you want to know what women want in general, you could try reading a few dating books, where the authors have done their research.

There are a few things that I am finding I want. For one, I want an intelligent listener. According to the "Mars and Venus" books by John Gray, that is the main thing most women want - to be heard. This has been hard to find in men I date. I hear all about them, but most of the time I feel like they aren't really all that interested in hearing about me.

Other things I look for are "profess, provide, protect" - this is what is written in the Steve Harvey books, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man". I think one modern problem is that oftentimes the woman is the provider. I think this can work for a while, but then once kids get into the mix and the wife is doing all that plus bringing home the paycheck, often the men don't step up and help enough with the "women's work" around the house. I know many couples with this issue who have divorced. I'm sure there are other issues in these marriages, but this is one I can see.

If I remember correctly, you're on the spectrum?

Autism Speaks has some teen/young adult workshops. You might try calling them?

https://www.autismspeaks.org/site-wide/workshops

I never found a healthy relationship until I decided I was going to be happy just being myself.
I was happy and complete BEFORE I met my husband. Once we started dating I didn't bother him or myself with stupidness like "where is this going? What are you thinking? blablablahhh." I was bored w/ all that stuff.
I just had fun. We had fun in the relationship and I was happy whether it was going to "work out" or not.
After 3 years of dating, and I was about to accept a job 500 miles away, we decided to talk seriously. I then moved in with him and lived w/ him for a year before we married. Sorry.. but I was not about to see how a man acted on a day to day basis before i married him.
We had a good relationship, but honestly... I am still responsible for my own happiness. He's a good man but he isn't all I need.
If I really want to TALK... I talk to my women friends. He doesn't want to hear the nitty gritty details of my emotions. He listens but we don't have long emotional conversations. That's for my women friends.
Don't wait for a woman to be full, complete, happy and confident. A needy man is a huge turn off and will make women run for their lives and vice versa.
Just my two cents. I'm 56. I've been around the block a time or two in relationships.

My daughter's best friend, who happens to be 21 was telling me how he's struggling to find a relationship and be married which shocked me. I told him to not rush into thinking you HAVE to have a relationship, HAVE to get married, HAVE to start having kids.

I grew up in a generation of find a relationship, get married, have the 2.5 kids, the white picket fence, the nice house, car and 9 to 5 job. I also realized growing up, at age 20, my ideas of what I wanted in a relationship is different from my ideas of what I wanted in a relationship at age 30+. You would question how 10 years could make such a big difference, but it does.

I understand you are a virgin and I think its wonderful. I also supported my daughter in her choice of having an intimate relationship with her boyfriend of 6 years. She is sound enough to know that her center focus is her education and 'marriage' is not something she wants to talk about.

Then there is my stepson who is in a negative relationship with his first physical relationship ever. She's controlling and guilt his her weapon of choice.

For me, the difference between relationship material men and not, is several things:

1. Confidence is wonderful. Cocky is not. There's nothing more sexy than a man who has himself together. But a man who thinks he's the $h1$ is not.

2. Goal driven. You don't have to own a Fortune 500 company today but at least have a job and aspirations. (i.e. The owner of IAMS Dog and Cat food started out being a stock boy in the company he eventually bought).

3. Be respectful, not condescending. No one wants someone who thinks they are better than everyone. Just remember we all had a start from somewhere.

4. Words are wonderful for communication but actions do speak louder than words. Telling someone your sorry for an action that hurts them for the 10th time will only work for so long. Instead, be the man who, if he does hurt someone, apologize, then hope to not do it again (if you can help it). I'm no saying we don't hurt each other over and over again at times, but you've heard of when people just get tired of it 'happening again'.

What attracts me to my fiancee is that he had this confidence to himself but he didn't walk around acting like he was the big boy in the yard. He was genuinely polite to everyone. He could wear a suit and talk business with the best of them or he could pick up a hammer and nail and build the garage. He says please and thank you. He says 'I'm not looking for random sex. That was fun at a different stage in my life. Now I am looking for that person I can be at home with that is okay that I am sitting in my shorts and watching tv as much as they are okay with taking an exotic vacation with me.

EVERYONE has some type of baggage in their lives, whether it be themselves or their families. You have to ask yourself if their baggage is baggage you can support them through.

Try not to overthink what a woman wants so that you can be that person. Be yourself and let that person love you for you. Because in the end, if you try to be someone for someone else, eventually you will be yourself.

do what you say you will do

Not all women want th same thing, view masculinity the same way or have the criteria they check off when looking for a man.

Some people you click with or connect with and some you don’t. Not sure there is always rhyme or reason why.

With that, just be yourself, be comfortable with yourself and like yourself. The rest will follow.

No you're not spamming Jiga

I agree that different things are appreciated by different people..... and chemistry can't always be explained but felt

I agree that confidence and liking yourself are selling points for me as well as compassion and caring about others

Sexy will follow when you truly like who someone is

Hi Jiga. Thoughtful question.

I am not a woman so you can take my opinions with a grain of salt. Zen lists some traits that seem to be common among most women. Confidence without being cocky, being respectful, and demonstrate your beliefs in your actions. Those are all very admirable qualities.

Through my own observations I would add, in no particular order, have humble confidence, have a really good sense of humor, and use your ears more than your voice. Listen with a purpose. Find the joy in every day, even the worst.

My advice would apply to any relationship, not just your SO.

Be a nice guy, but not a door mat. Be considerate, of everyone. Be patient.

I read other people's remarks that go something like this: "Respect is earned". I don't subscribe to that. Respect is offered. Trust is earned. Treat everyone with respect - always. Treat them the way you yourself want to be treated.

In as much as you are looking for answers, and asking, that is a good sign. Don't ever stop doing that. But don't put too much value on the opinions of others. Somewhere inside, you know what to do.

I agree with all posts above Jiga, But what I feel sums it all up into a tight tootsie roll is- drum roll please................................................................ Be The Very Best You That You can be. The most profound relationship
that you will ever have in this world is with yourself. When you have Mastered this concept and you are
Satisfied with how you see yourself as a man- you will know how to treat any woman and you will
Knock em Dead every time- take it slow and cultivate You.Peace

Forgot sense of humor tops it for me-but thats just me.---- like honestly---- like SunCloud said its in
your confidence- and that comes from cultivating your inner-self.

What are some key principles and characteristics that seperates a geniune man from the crowd for you? IS A SELF THINKER, IS NOT CLINGY OR POSSESSIVE, HAS GUY FRIENDS, INTO PHYSICAL SPORTS, TOQL ORIENTED, RESPECTFUL OF OTHER PEOPLE


2.  What do you think are some the timeless, moral aspects of masculinity that are missed in modern men? FAITHFULNESS, MONOGAMOUS, HONESTY, INTEGRITY


3.   In developing better character, what advice would you give to men regarding pursueing and nuturing a healthy relationship with a woman? HONESTY, RESPECTFUL, CLEANLINESS (MENTALLY AS WELL PHYSICALLY), FITNESS (MUSCULAR, TRIM AND FIT), GOALS, EQUALITY

a man is a person with principles
that lives those principles in the open, in the dark & behind someones back
even when it is in conflict with what he may want at the time

Women too. At the end of the day gender has nothing to do with it. Be a decent person, don’t shit on others, try to do what’s right even when it’s hard, etc. Those are universal qualities we should aspire to. The rest, when finding a mate, comes down to attraction, connection, luck, happenstance, kismet, who knows.