Acceptance. Lack of judgement. Support. Honesty. Humour. Openness.

Being able to "tell it how it is" without being hurtful. Humour....appreciation. respect.

Those are the things that spring to mind, when I think of my very close friends. With some I can go for months without speaking....a year even....and then we just pick right up where we left off. No drama. Life got busy, we're back now....carry on.

I think a healthy relationship is when we want for the other person to achieve what they want for themselves. Which might not benefit us, but it will make THEM happy.

To be in a relationship with someone and wanting them to do or act a certain way FOR us, is not love. It's selfish and self serving.

When we find someone, enjoy their company and we don't try to change them to fit OUR needs. That is a healthy relationship!

I'm glad to say I have quite a few relationships like that. mostly family members, but a few that are friends outside my family too.

It's funny you mention that, Sue. I've got a buddy who makes me laugh and I enjoy making him laugh. We're kinda on the same page about entertainment and what we like in entertainment, on completely different pages when it comes to deeper spiritual matters (I'm spiritual and a student of all religions, he's an atheist who doesn't like religion; entertainment IS his religion and he takes his entertainment a bit too obsessively seriously). He drinks way too much and eats too much sugar and fatty food, I drink occasionally and eat healthier. See the friction there? We still manage to get along, and I support him in working his new full-time job, getting money ahead to get into his own place (we're roommates at the moment; he's moving out in May) but I do not support his alcoholism, his crappy diet, his lack of physical exercise, his obsession with fantasy entertainment (it's just entertainment, for God's sake) and his atheism; I find those things depressing. I find myself enjoying his company sometimes, then sometimes wanting to distance myself physically and emotionally from him, lest I get sucked down into his abyss. Naturally, he's the one who wants to cling to me as his lifeline.

Then there's an Asian woman who I occasionally see, who likes money and works very hard to earn it, then is always tired and has no time or energy for me lol. She typically falls asleep in our movie nights.

My family and I get along OK; just don't discuss religion or money with Dad and Mom never seems to have time to talk, because she's a workaholic addicted to hustle lol.

Needless to say, I've found relationships and friendships PARTIALLY satisfying! They're either completely suffocating or completely detached! Where's the middle ground, the breath of fresh air?

I think the balance comes from the circle of friends..........we get X from friend A, Y from friend B etc......it takes a village... and I train people not to suffocate me.....i guess we teach people how to treat us.

I have some friends who just befuddle me with their lack of ethics - and then being surprised by the consequences.....and I point those things out - but I'm not mean about it.

I find the people I can't be friends with - are those that are completely self absorbed (which is fine as they never notice my lack of interest - lol), the desperate and needy and those with no curiosity about the world...i can even befriend atheists........afterall - there is none so faithful as an atheist....

But I agree - I struggle with those things too. Dogs. Dogs are great company....so are cats...........and I often think its a good thing that I find myself so amusing...........cos I spend a LOT of time with me.

the best thing i have with my hubbs -it sounds weird- is he can handle my temper. the flip is i can handle his. now here me out. in both of my closest relationships the thing that stands out to me is they don't fault me for having a realistic look on my emotions or theirs. i am not afraid to have a bad day around them. this also counts in their favor. the don't have to bottle it up around me. even though we might express it different they CAN express it around me in safety.

in the end it makes all the highs of a happy joyful days SOOOO much better. also takes a lot of pressure off.

That's true, Coping, Atheists tend to be extremely faithful, because they regard their RELATIONSHIPS as their end-all/be-all, their religion!

Gypsy: Sounds good!

Yes - two sayings here spring to mind;

I saw that you were perfect, and I loved you. Then I saw that you were imperfect, and I loved you even more.

Being able to accept people as they are, and being accepted. It's gold.

The "there is none so faithful" quote - actually means that atheists are faithful to the god they insist does not exist. Their (extreme) views require more diligence than those of us who accept. I love to use it with my atheist friends - they get very upset.......:)

True, Coping. God is love and atheists can be very loving. They think the love merely comes from them, not from any God within them.

I like hugging and being close. Love laughing together being best friends. Comforting each other and being supportive.

I believe I have a great sense of humor, I love to laugh and have a good time. I'm also the go to for advice and a listening ear...sometimes it helps to just keep quiet and let people talk out their thoughts. I also don't do much sugar coating, I was told that someone has to say what is on everyone else mind and that person happens to be me.

My good qualities? Well, I'm able to listen to friends talk for at least 2 minutes before turning the conversation back to myself and what I want to discuss.

I'm an excellent listener :)

Koolman..

Yet another reference to your friend as " my Asian......... "

Do you really not see how borderline racist that is?
You don't seem able to reference her without her ethnicity.

Well, she IS Asian. I meant Asian as a compliment. She's very pretty and I find Asians very pretty. Thanks.

To refer to someone only by that..
Doesn't sound complimentary.
I don't know..
In fact..I assumed not.. which is why I said something..
If you know how it sounds when you do that.

..if she were Caucasian.. you wouldn't say.. my white friend.

You can talk how you want..of course.
I'll just tell you I'm BT the only one to have noted this
( hard not to.. you do. It every time you mention her)..
I just thought you might care to now how it's perceived.

"..if she were Caucasian.. you wouldn't say.. my white friend."

No, but if I were dating a black girl, she might say that to her black friends.

Sorry you don't think it sounds complimentary. I'll omit the word "Asian" in the future.