Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Something happened between my husband and his ex girlfriend. Nothing physical, she lives thousands of miles away from us. But, after he and I had an argument, he started talking to her online and told her he wished he would have just stayed with her and asked her to wait for him while he sorted out whatever was going on with us... basically saying that he and I were going to end up divorced and he wanted to be with her. So, our argument wasn't over this girl, but he ran to her when he was upset. It ended there, he and I made up and he stopped talking to her like that. I didn't know about that conversation until about 6 months after the fact. He didn't tell me, but after our argument he apologized and when I found out about their little conversation he wouldn't apologize because he said he already did. Apparently, he was apologizing for having an inappropriate relationship with his ex, but I thought he apologizing for acting like a jerk in our argument. I'm sorry, to me, that doesn't count as an apology.
Anyway, this girl still talks to him. They are apparently just friends now and I see no evidence that anything is going on, but it just pisses me off that they are talking to each other still. I've asked him to stop talking to her and to delete her from his contacts list (she is in his email lists, his facebook, his myspace, his everything...) which he won't do. He says I need to just chill out and stop worrying about it. He doesn't talk to her as far as I know, but she sends him messages on facebook. She commented on our family picture the other day and I finally decided I have had enough, so I sent her a message and told her to stop talking to him and stop talking to me. She just sent me a message saying the same thing my husband says, that I am worrying too much. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE TWO?!?! Seriously, is it just me? Shouldn't this relationship be OVER if he thinks he is going to work it out with me? This just pisses me off. HE needs to be the one to put an end to it and he just doesn't want to look like a jerk, so he doesn't. GRR.
Anyway, this girl still talks to him. They are apparently just friends now and I see no evidence that anything is going on, but it just pisses me off that they are talking to each other still. I've asked him to stop talking to her and to delete her from his contacts list (she is in his email lists, his facebook, his myspace, his everything...) which he won't do. He says I need to just chill out and stop worrying about it. He doesn't talk to her as far as I know, but she sends him messages on facebook. She commented on our family picture the other day and I finally decided I have had enough, so I sent her a message and told her to stop talking to him and stop talking to me. She just sent me a message saying the same thing my husband says, that I am worrying too much. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE TWO?!?! Seriously, is it just me? Shouldn't this relationship be OVER if he thinks he is going to work it out with me? This just pisses me off. HE needs to be the one to put an end to it and he just doesn't want to look like a jerk, so he doesn't. GRR.
IMOP his alliace should be with you!
he should be worried about your feelings about this above hers!
You should be coming first! Period!!!
if he is aware that this is affecting your relationship negatively then his priority should be in rectifying that - by pressing the "delete buttons"
there is nothing wrong with your want and expectation of this what so ever...
A "bottom line" discussion needs to be had, be clear about your bounderies and don't be afraid to show your self respect by doing just that!!
Healthy relationships are those which have CLEAR BOUNDARIES. He is obviously overstepping the boundary you have set, and you are well justified in that.
So it is UP TO YOU to give the ULTIMATUM. IF you are making the boundary and are willing to end your marriage to make it stick, then LET HIM KNOW IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS. Then you have to stick with it! Otherwise, he will just see you as "blowing smoke" or crying wolf.
It's up to you.