Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I have been dating this guy for 5 months now, and we still haven't slept together. And I don't know why. We see eachother on weekends, and we do various things. We do dinner and movie, we walk around town, take day (road) trips, or snuggle on the couch (mostly his place) watching TV. But he has never asked me to spend the night, nor has he stayed over my place. Our nights end usually around 10-11pm. He treats me well...he plans dates, likes to hug and kiss me, says cute things. And he has also agreed to meet my friends in a couple of weeks for my birthday, which I think is a step in the right direction. He didn't even hesitate...I asked and he said "yes" right away. He also said we were exlusive at around 3 months into our relationship.
But I cannot, for the life of me, understand why he hasn't made a move to sleep with me. In the beginning of the relationship, he did talk about me spending the night, and him waking me up with kisses, cooking me breakfast. But he doesn't say these things anymore.
I know the solution to all of this is just to talk to him. And I will. It's just a tough subject to approach. Plus, I want to do it in privacy (either my place or his place), but not all of our dates end up at one of our houses. Sometimes a day trip will take the entire day, and he will drop me off at my place and not come in. I want to have this discussion in private, not in a restaurant or when we are out exploring places.
So until we have "the talk", does anyone have any idea what the problem could be? I have never encountered a guy, whether he is a nice guy or not, who doesn't try to have sex. Could he have another girlfriend...but if he did, wouldn't he be sleeping with both? If he doesn't like me, then why make the effort of planning fun, often "surprise" outings (like he will plan an outing, and not tell me where we are going because he wants it to be surprise) if he is not getting anything out of it. Why stick around at all?
What do you all think?
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
Some of the deepest, most meaningful conversations I’ve had with my spouse have been when we are out for dinner or a drink, even when we were dating. I think that just takes any pressure or tension out of any discussion because you are relaxed, trying to connect and out having fun. But I think regardless of where you have the conversation, it has to be had, because it’s clearly bothering you and it seems to sort of distract you from just going with the flow and staying in the moment.
What type & length of time was his previous relationship?
I doubt he has someone on the side or major issues that would make him a jerk
Talk to him as noted above, in the car , in between , just put your cards on the table , you like him, respect him and want to understand
His response may be strange and off putting
Or it could be so sweet and sexy that ...
Either way you’ll know better about whether YOU are still interested
Communication is so key and just go with the flow, when it feels right to talk about it start the conversation.
I hope it all works out in the end. He sounds like a respectful man.
He is married.
He is very religious, and believes in the sancity of marriage.
I heard some one say he might be gay.
It could be medical issue. Erectile dysfunction, impotantancy.
Maybe he has a weak heart, possible cardiac arrest, shortness of breath.
Maybe he has a rash psoriasis exema, bad jock itch. Genital warts.
Perhaps he has a std. The herpes, hiv / aids, hep c
Or maybe its a "Fear of intamacy" not being able to satisfy you, embarassment, he has a small package.
I suggest you talk to him and ask a few questions as to why it hasnt happened.
Or maybe just take the bull by the horn and you lead the way.
I don't think he is married (there is no sign of a woman living at his place) . Doesn't necessarily mean that there is no other girl, just that he's not married.
And he isn't religious at all.
Anything else is a possibility...another girl, bad break up, ED, STD, he's gay etc. There are so many possibilities.
I know only he can tell me what is going on.
Sigh.
Do you feel you could accept anything that he tells you ?
Seriously, you have three options, all of which are your choice:
- Ask him
- Don’t ask and be at peace with him not sleeping with you
-Leave and find someone who’s relationship sensibility seems more in line with yours.
Otherwise you’ll continue to put yourself in limbo. Why are you doing that to yourself?
So he came to my birthday party and met all of my friends. He was funny and charming and they liked him. But right after my birthday, he started to act more distant. Still kind, but it was like he was pulling away...all of a sudden was always busy. We had a talk about it, and he assured me that he cared about me.
Then this passed weekend he broke up with me. At first he just cancelled our date saying he was sick, and then he stopped communicating with me. It was silence for the whole weekend. I was being "ghosted". I finally sent him a message Sunday evening saying I was hurt and disappointed by how he is ending the relationship (by ghosting), and said that I deserved an explanation. He replied right away and apologized for hurting me right before the holidays, he realizes that he was being selfish, and said "I guess I am not ready". Ready for what...I don't know. A committed relationship? Not over ex? He didn't say. I was devastated. He also said that he has always cared for and respected me, and that's why he never pushed for sex.
BUT then the next day, I saw that his profile was back up on okcupid...and he indicated that he was bisexual. He never indicated that before. I was floored (and angry at the deception). I right away texted him about it, and told him that I am angry because I feel like he knew it wouldn't work out between us, but led me on for 7 months anyway...that he played me. He insisted that he didn't, and insisted that he WASN'T bisexual. He said he deleted that profile, but it was right there, and indicated he had been online that morning. So I asked why it says "bisexual" on it, and he said maybe he clicked on it by mistake. Then he said he was deleting at that moment. But guess what, it is still on the site today, and shows that he logged in even later last night. AND it still says bisexual (why wouldn't he "correct" his mistake?).
I feel like it's lies on top of lies. Maybe he is very confused and didn't want to intentionally hurt me. But why lie about something I can see with my own eyes?
I don't know if he is straight, bisexual, or gay. I don't know what the truth is. I don't know why he is willing to have "bisexual" written in a public dating site, but refused to admit it to him (someone he knows cared about him).
I am absolutely hurt and confused.
Any thoughts?
Interestingly enough, he said he wasn't bisexual, but later on when we discussed if I thought he was gay, he didn't say "I am not gay"