"I feel trust has to be earned, not just given freely"

This is what you need to fix, in my opinion.
Everyone deserves a clean slate. Trust until they teach you not to trust.
As adults, we must learn to separate one experience from the other. Your boyfriend is not the one to traumatized you as a child, he should not have to suffer for it.

As far as rebuilding trust - if depends on what he lied about.

Takes alot of time but yes it can be done with alot of talking and sometimes therapy but when you do get it right it can be so much better than before. You also have to forgive and let it go FOREVER never bring it up ever.

Thanks for your comment, I agree that everyone deserves a clean slate...I did trust 100% until that trust was broken, I am fully aware that we as humans are not perfect and make mistakes and should not be punished for our mistakes our whole lives which is where forgiveness comes in.....but that is more difficult to do than said.....I consider myself a fairly realistic person and it is not as easy as it sounds....to forgive and move forward, it takes work on both parts and I am just curious as to how many people have achieved this and how......I think we live in a world today where we should not just trust....but everyone has their own way of coping...:) thanks again for your comment, always good to have input from others...

Thanks for the comments.....so happy to hear that others have achieved rebuilding trust....and that it can be even better at the end!!!!

Sometimes we overcomplicate things unnecessarily.

My boyfriend broke my trust, 5 months into our relationship he lied about something that he was worried I was going to catch him doing. When I questioned him about it, he turned it back around on me and made me feel guilty. Then I found out anyway.
We talked about it for a while, took a bit of space from each other to clear our heads, and made the DECISION to move past it and trust each other again.
Its something you have to throw yourself into whole heartedly. You cant SAY youre going to forgive, but then not let it go.

I weighed all posibilities of the outcomes from rebuilding trust and not rebuilding trust, and narrowed it down based on which outcome I couldnt live with. I decided to let it go with full acceptance of the possibility of being hurt again.
I made the decision to trust him again, and so I do trust him again. It really is just that simple.

I am so happy things have turned out for you, it is all about risk and being able to take the risk knowing you may get hurt again....I like how you said you weighed all possible outcomes before making a decision...I guess that is where I am now.....I really appreciate your sharing, I hope to get to a point where I can also say I will just do it and then do it

I may be the only person around here who disagrees with the concept that trust has to be earned.
As far as I m concerned when I meet someone, that person owes me nothing. I consider myself to be a direct and honest person and if a guy I met was making me EARN his trust and respect I would tell him to go to hell. You are either open for letting a person into your world or you are not. I am not some kind of a pet who performs tricks to get a reward.
The man I date should be treated the same. From the beginning I dated people with a notion that they have my trust and respect and if I observed something about them that made me not trust them, then I would have a reason to take the next step and have some discussions.
The fact is that every person who you let close will hurt you in one way or another and you must be strong and confident enough in yourself to know that letting them in is YOUR choice and you are ready to deal with the consequences should things go south and prepare yourself to pick a person who would do the least damage to you.

Rebuilding the trust ...
Once the person hurts you, it is really difficult to fix it. Difficult, but not impossible. There are a few core aspects to rebuilding trust, IMO.
I believe that both people have to take the responsibility for the situation. Most of it lies with the person who broke the trust.
All the " why" questions have to be answered in therapy or otherwise. The lying person has to make some serious changes in their behavior..it takes a life changing event.
When the person who lied to you is being sincere about wanting to make it up to you, that person will ask you all the time what he can do to earn your trust and will do everything you ask without reminders .
The person will think ahead about their actions which can potentially make you suspicious and worried. Earning your trust will literally become a priority.
However.. This doesn't mean that you have the right to make them a door mat... For example - my friend's bf cheated on her a year ago and has been doing everything and anything to get past the affair and make their relationship work. She to this day treats him like crap, insults him, she wants to know where he is every minute of the day, she checks his phone, etc.. I understand she is upset, but at some point there has to be a decision made to either get going or call it quits.

Anyway... Sorry for the long post .
Good luck and I hope he is worth it .

I haven't. I feel like once its lost its gone.

Great post Aronia, I couldn't agree with you more.

Also right there with you, Aronia

Such great comments by everyone. I just wanted to add that even though you tried the counseling & don't think it helped much, it's a good idea to try again. I tried 3 professionals before finding one that was good for me. They aren't all equal, best of luck with this.