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My relationship with my mother has been extremely rough lately.
We lived in an area affected by radiation at the time of the Chernobyl meltdown.Shortly after we came back to the States in 89, my mother began behaving erraticly and losing a lot of weight. She was later diagnosed with Thyroid Disease - more specifically, Grave's Disease. This is commonly found in women who were exposed to the radiation - the younger, the more affected (my mother was 27).
Grave's Disease has multiple symptoms, but the worst is her behavioral issues. Depression, anxiety, mania, ..psychosis.
She was put on varying levels of medications and finally found a combination that suited her needs and was fine - completely normal.
Due to a long chain of events, she had wound up jobless with no health insurance, so obviously wasnt taking her meds and it reared its ugly head in April and hasnt stopped since.
She lashes out at everyone, for anything. I get yelled at if I dont call her (obviously means I dont care about her), I get yelled at if I do call her (I get made to feel responsible for everything bad in her life). She pits me and my sister against each other and brings us into the middle of her disputes (i.e. right now she is mad at my sister and is guilting me to taking my mothers side).
My sister and I have started to discover that we think shes beginning to show signs of experiencing varying levels of psychosis. Her belief of what reality is is distorted, and she becomes upset with what she thinks is happening.
She went off at my aunt for something my mother THINKS happened between my sister and my uncle. She is just so angry all the time and she takes it out on the people who are trying to help her.
Lately its been me shes taking it out on, and I dont know what to do at this point. Just last night.. she told me she got a job. Making $7.70 an hour and went off on me that I better not buy her Christmas gifts. When I tried to explain to her that she has to just keep counting her blessings, she accused me of calling her a loser.
I cant MAKE her take her meds, I cant MAKE her see a doctor, and help for the mentally ill in this country is a freaking pathetic joke. I cant talk to my friends about this, my family is all fed up with her and my mother is very quickly running out of allies. Or even people who can put up with her. She and my sister havent spoken in two weeks.
I am at the point that I am feeling severely abused, but what can I do?
Keep taking it in hopes that MAYBE one day she MIGHT be healthy again and will thank me for helping her through this difficult time?
Or tell her I cant be her punching bag anymore and risk her being completely alone and possibly hurting herself?
She acts as though she wants sympathy. If I give her sympathy, shes still upset. Nothing I say or do makes any difference, and she is not willing to be understanding of how shes making me feel.
Sorry for the long, drawn out post. I am just at my wits end and am starting to feel like I'm going nuts.
We lived in an area affected by radiation at the time of the Chernobyl meltdown.Shortly after we came back to the States in 89, my mother began behaving erraticly and losing a lot of weight. She was later diagnosed with Thyroid Disease - more specifically, Grave's Disease. This is commonly found in women who were exposed to the radiation - the younger, the more affected (my mother was 27).
Grave's Disease has multiple symptoms, but the worst is her behavioral issues. Depression, anxiety, mania, ..psychosis.
She was put on varying levels of medications and finally found a combination that suited her needs and was fine - completely normal.
Due to a long chain of events, she had wound up jobless with no health insurance, so obviously wasnt taking her meds and it reared its ugly head in April and hasnt stopped since.
She lashes out at everyone, for anything. I get yelled at if I dont call her (obviously means I dont care about her), I get yelled at if I do call her (I get made to feel responsible for everything bad in her life). She pits me and my sister against each other and brings us into the middle of her disputes (i.e. right now she is mad at my sister and is guilting me to taking my mothers side).
My sister and I have started to discover that we think shes beginning to show signs of experiencing varying levels of psychosis. Her belief of what reality is is distorted, and she becomes upset with what she thinks is happening.
She went off at my aunt for something my mother THINKS happened between my sister and my uncle. She is just so angry all the time and she takes it out on the people who are trying to help her.
Lately its been me shes taking it out on, and I dont know what to do at this point. Just last night.. she told me she got a job. Making $7.70 an hour and went off on me that I better not buy her Christmas gifts. When I tried to explain to her that she has to just keep counting her blessings, she accused me of calling her a loser.
I cant MAKE her take her meds, I cant MAKE her see a doctor, and help for the mentally ill in this country is a freaking pathetic joke. I cant talk to my friends about this, my family is all fed up with her and my mother is very quickly running out of allies. Or even people who can put up with her. She and my sister havent spoken in two weeks.
I am at the point that I am feeling severely abused, but what can I do?
Keep taking it in hopes that MAYBE one day she MIGHT be healthy again and will thank me for helping her through this difficult time?
Or tell her I cant be her punching bag anymore and risk her being completely alone and possibly hurting herself?
She acts as though she wants sympathy. If I give her sympathy, shes still upset. Nothing I say or do makes any difference, and she is not willing to be understanding of how shes making me feel.
Sorry for the long, drawn out post. I am just at my wits end and am starting to feel like I'm going nuts.
You are feeling abused because you are being abused and because it's mom, and because you know she's sick you feel obligated to take it.
Before my dad was officially sick, the mood swings were rampant and I called him out on them, told him he was obviously suffering from depression or something and to get it looked at before he drove us all crazy....this wouldn't work because mom knows what the problem is, knows how to control it but just....won't.
I'm just...sorry.
Can you get her to a Dr?
I wish I had more help for you.
What country do you live in?
My opinion is that you need to let her know you love her, but distance yourself a bit. Don't put pressure on yourself to "fix" her or make sure she is taking her meds. You are definitely her punching bag right now - it seems we always treat the people we love most, the worst. Your mom is most comfortable with you, and certainly loves you, so it's easy to treat you like crap because you won't judge.
Do you live with her? If you do, maybe you should consider moving out. If you don't, than maybe you can help to control your phonecalls by staying calm and just telling her you love her when she goes off on one of her rampages. Or saying something like "Mom, I love you and am hear to support you, but you will have to call me back when you calm down" and hang up.
Mental illness is so difficult to deal with, and it comes in so many degrees, but you have to take care of you, and do what's best for you. Sounds like this is taking a huge toll on you...you have to stop back and not let it. Easier said than done, I know. Especially because it's your mom.
I'm so sorry, really I am. I wish you all the best...stay strong
IK1980- No, we dont live together. She lives about an hour and a half away.. im not sure if that makes things better or worse. My sister is in the same town but shes completely worn out.
My mom fell a few years ago and broke her leg really badly. Couldnt work and such as a result, so my aunt offered for my mom to live with her in her house for cheap. I've heard that my mother behaves WORSE with my aunt, and I'm just waiting for the day that she calls to tell me shes been asked to move out.
Aronia- we werent in the Ukraine (im not sure if thats Ukranian or not) so I cant read that, haha!
My father was stationed in the Army in East Germany at the time of the accident. I was only 2 so I dont remember any of it. My mother tells stories of not being allowed outdoors for weeks afterward, and couldnt open windows and everyone had to wear face masks. I was about 4 when we moved back to the US.
What sort of really scares me is that since I was so young at the time of exposure, I am extremely likely to have the same disease (no positive test results yet, for me or my sister). So its like watching what could be my future. It makes me scared that if I abandon her, karma will ensure no one is there for me if Im ever in the same boat.
I feel like this awful selfish person for even thinking that I need to start enforcing stricter boundaries and exhibiting "tough love" but I'm losing myself and wearing out my own life by trying to take care of her.
I told her on friday that she said some things to me that parents shouldnt say to their children. That there ARE boundaries and she crossed one.
She is upset and because of her illness is being a victim, but she isnt behaving as though she hates me, for now. She did call me saturday night just to check in but it seemed like it was in more of a patronizing tone.
I'm fully aware that this is not WHO she is, but she is behaving this way because she has an illness that is affecting her sense of reality. Unfortunately, that doesnt change the way it affects my life, my sisters life, and the lives of my nieces.
Boyfriend and I talk often about having children in the near future. It scares me a lot to think that theres a big chance my mom wont be a part of that.
Anyway, thanks guys and gals, for letting me just vent and get some of that off my chest. I'm afraid of wearing the boyfriend out with it.
I had to face some issues with my sister and recently I realized that if reasoning and compromising is not working it is probably a good idea to stop the conversation politely when the unwanted behavior begins.
For example - if my sister calls and the conversation starts sloping into something that bothers me I would say : " hey, I love you, hope you have a good day but I have to go. We will talk later "
Unfortunately it is like training an animal.. Reward for good behavior, withdraw from the situation for bad behavior..
I m sure your mom loves you, but right now it is probably the only way she knows how.
Hope you can forgive her and have faith that she will get better .