Healthy Relationships Support Group
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My husband and I all we do is fight and argue (nothing physical) and I can't take it anymore. I don't know what else to do anymore. Whenever he's around his family or friends I feel like I don't exist in his world, like I don't matter to him, and when I try to bring it to his attention he gets a bad attitude with me and then everything hits the fan from there. We got into a huge arguement tonight and I told him not to come home after work, I took all his awards and pictures off the walls in our bedroom and threw them onto the floor, and started to pack his things, I told him that Monday or Tuesday I was going to the courthouse and filing for a divorce. But I really don't want to go that far. I love him to death, he is my everything, he's completely changed my life and my outlook on relationships. I was in an abusive relationship before I met my husband and the guy almost killed me twice, after that relationship I thought all guys were the same, but my husband proved me wrong... I have a beautiful daughter with him and am 22 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child. We've tried marriage counseling already but it only lasted for 2 weeks and neither one of us really liked going. We used to talk out our problems towards each other, but for some reason we can't do that anymore without fighting or argueing with each other. I'm out of options... I don't want to take the drastic measures and end something that can possibly be solved. Does anyone have any suggestions that could possibly help me on this? I want to save filing for a divorce for very very very last..
Don't ever give an ultimatum (telling him you're filing for divorce on Monday) if you don't plan on following through with that action. That's manipulation and it can very well backfire on you. If my partner threw my stuff on the floor, started packing my things, I would have picked up my stuff and been out the door.
Talk to him rationally, tell him you want to save the marriage, you want to "work with him as a team" to fix the problems so you can have a healthy, strong, loving marriage. Both of you lay everything out on the table, what things are bothering you, what things are bothering him, what you need in the relationship, what he needs in the relationship, both of you have to listen to each other, not just hear the words but really listen to the other's point of view and then work together to find compromises and solutions.
Imo, I feel that fighting is a sickness. When it has infected two people, it will never leave unless those two people leave. I could be wrong but I have never seen two people fix a relationship that consisted of continuous fighting.
What about individual counseling? I havent had much luck with therapists, but have a great psychiatrist that I talk too. I'm lucky I found her. Perhaps if you dont connect with a therapist, you can be referred to a psychiatrist. They can help you work through the ups and downs and prescribe medicine if needed. I have found that mine was more accepting, lol, and understanding of my needs and problems.
Hope this helps.
It may help you guys to come together as one again if you can both work on your problems individually, since it didnt work when you went together. If this goes well, who knows. Maybe at some point you could do couples counseling, but it may not be needed. Talking one on one seperately might be a better option for both of you to communicate with each other at home.
Hang in there sweetie.
Wishin you the best ;)