I think relationships are becoming victim to the 'work' thing more.

Would it also be a lack of commitment ?

i kinda think the lack of commitment thing too - why me? over and over again...

Join the Club, it's becoming an insular world we live in.

their ability to love you is about THEM, not you.

that you attract/are attracted to such folks... THAT is your mystery to unfold about yourself.

but your decision to quit trying to find love is still a good one. Who was it who said "when love finds you ready, IT FINDS YOU"

Don't try... don't search. Just work on becoming your best self... and when you're ready, if you haven't closed yourself off, you are likely to be pleasantly surprised. The key is to not close your heart off while you work on yourself. Its a challenge to balance keeping ones heart open and still being content to be alone. Make it your goal, and you will become less 'needy' of another's love and companionship as you find yourself to be your first true love.

Think it's time I got my Chakras realigned.

I'm afraid I'm in the same boat as your men. I get a great satisfaction from work and earning money. Not to knock your relationships, but mine have been nothing but frustrating and confusing. So I too am concentrating on work, my own abilities to produce something physically tangible, which is satisfying on one level, and having a relationship with God, which puts me in the right peaceful frame of mind for a woman to walk into.

The economy is in dire straights right now, so maybe we should all be concentrating on making money-? Who knows how much worse things will get before they rebound.

Wedding vows say "for richer or for poorer", but, man--when times are poor, it sure puts a lot of stress on relationships. Seems we should be supportive of each other. Sometimes, when human love takes away rather than builds, perhaps it is time to shy away from human love. Feels like a black, torturuous abyss sometimes, for me anyway. Maybe I just haven't met a light, bright soul yet.

i see what you're saying koolman... thing is in my situation, we are more financially stable now than we have ever been... it was look good in that aspect for now and the future.

i don't go searching for love - but when it finds me i am in it whole-heartedly. i don't think i can give my heart to anyone else in fear of it breaking again.

i just want to love someone for who they are and be loved in return. i want to be a wife - there with someone when they fall asleep and wake up; occasional breakfast in bed; arguing over where his black socks are; choosing to get up each day and trudge through this thing called life together, because it becomes so much more worthwhile that way.

"not because they don't love me, but because they just aren't happy". Angelite, I think this is crap. It's a cowardice way of dumping you because they are tired of you. I don't say that to hurt you. They did not love you. I think a committed relationship, and Im in the middle of separating from one myself (20 years), is much more than "I love you". It is practice, and mostly communication, clear, honest communication. No games. These two men were not honest with you. No one in their right mind would leave a relationship they were enjoying for work.
"i'm going to quit trying to find a love". I think this might be a problem for you, speaking from experience. If you are trying to find "a love", I don't think they exist. I have decided to actively look, but to look for a mind, a person. Not "love". I want a person I can really communicate with. So I say, don't stop looking, just think about what you are looking for.

You could say that the type of work I do runs our relationship because it takes me away from home too much.

I think there is alot of unhappiness in our marrige on both sides but there is happiness too and we love each other.

I would never want to end our relationship it is too important and all I can think about is that if circumstances were different we would be much happier.

I would never want my job to come before my marriage however the problem is that my work by its nature is dictating how my marriage proceeds.

I really do not want to loose her.

Flyingfree. Work, money, satisfaction, or your parnter. It's all about reward. If your work is more rewarding than your partner, you will leave your partner. Be honest mate. The truth will set you free.

Its not about whether my work is more rewarding or not, if I had another job with a reasonable income that meant I wasn't always travelling I would take it tomorrow.

I cannot see any reason to end my relationship when I had no option but to continue what I am doing anyway. I would still have my wife and son to support, no benefit from being alone.

I just want us all to be happier the thing that is making me unhappy is that the situation is making her unhappy.

I am just mad at life I guess.

i know they both love me - the first guy this happened with tells me it was the biggest mistake of his life, because have moved on and have no interest to be with him any longer.

the most recent occurrence, he honestly didn't know what to do - i told him if he can't make up his mind then it is over, and he started crying, sobbing. in 2 years i have never seen him shed one tear. i was shocked.

i don't know if they are scared of that type of closeness and the eventual commitment of marriage or what. it's like it gets so complicated they want to simplify their life down to the bare minimum.

being greedy?

Hey angelite,

May be the problem is that you are trying to increase the level of intimacy too fast. A good relationship takes time with the partners increasing the level of intimacy step by step as they grow closer.

My wife and I were seeing each other for 5 years before we got married.

Have you also considered that subconsiously you may be worried about marriage or a long term relationship yourself and are scaring your men away before it gets to that point?