What has she done to earn or deserve your trust? The Facebook thing would be a problem for me, her working in a camp close to the other guy would be another. I am curious to know why she asked you back? Are you working on your relationship? Or is she possibly using you to care for the kids? If you are together and things are good then ask her about Facebook.

Thank you, you have given me somethings to think about. She asked me back because she says we can't work on our relationship living apart, and then she gets a job away from home, but it was not planned. I am here to see if we can make our marriage work and to be with my girls. I am looking for things that show she wants my trust but there doesn't seem to be much.

Hi-I wonder if she wanted more to have the girls be taken care of while she was gone. I can't know for sure.
Do you feel she is connecting with you and making an effort even while gone. Does she give you reason to doubt again or is she an open book? I know Dr. Phil talks alot about that. Perhaps check out his website. I would say that to regain trust she needs to come home and show you that she does want you and only you. I don't know if she can do that:? I'm sure you love everyone and want to be there for your girls be being alone and not really knowing what she is doing has to be stressful on you. This can work, but I think you both need counseling and she needs to be present in your life. Something is going on with her where she doesn't seem happy with what she has and is always searching for something new. At some point you have to choose to trust her know matter what and she needs to tell you everything. Ask questions if you have concerns and always be in open communication. You also have to respect yourself and walk away for good is she isn't faithful or willing to put in 100% effort as well. Let us know how things go.

If she asked you back before the work thing, that's good and the fact that she is working is also good, huge plus is that YOU are with your kids! If she wants to work on your relationship then communication is very important- you have to be able to tell her how you feel. Let her know that Facebook is a problem for you- not that you want to attack her or feel suspicious of things but since things have happened you can't help but feel things are being hidden. For things to work between you she has to be willing to be open- it's how things are when you have lost someone's trust, a person really has to work to show they deserve your trust- it takes time that's for sure.

I agree communication is key to any relationship, I told her last night of my insecurities and my mistrust. I want to find ways to get our relationship back, I have always been honest with her on my feelings. She is connecting with me and I do believe she is being honest to an extent, but there is somethings that don't make sense. Or maybe I am trying to find things to confirm my mistrust. I have been to counselling in person and over the phone, I have talked to child psychologist to help me help my children through the separation. She refuses to see one because they can't help her because there is nothing wrong with her. She says she is happy now that I've changed the things I needed to change, but it still does not fix what is going on with her and she can't see that. I will not give up on our marriage, or her and maybe one day she will open up to me and tell me everything.

I have been cheated on and find that it's incredibly hard to get past the betrayal- the constant suspicion over every little thing drove me out of my mind. Of course I realized that if I had thought he had changed and was dedicated to me, I wouldn't have been having those feelings constantly. At that point I knew for me it was time to end things completely because things were never going to change- HE didn't think he had done anything wrong and HE didn't have any problems so of course HE wasn't about to change anything.

Not saying it's the same for you- she is happy now because you have changed- that's an interesting statement- seems YOU were the wrong doer huh? lol Hopefully things will get better and maybe she says there is nothing wrong with her but inside she knows the truth and is trying to make changes for herself without the help of a professional- some people can do it- so long as you are supportive of each other and if you are getting outside support for you and your kids- then you are moving in the right direction.

She does not consider seeping with someone a month after she left a 6 year marriage as cheating, she said she felt like she cheated. She is very good at blocking emotions and feelings to fool herself into thinking everything is normal and ok.

I do feel confident that we can work on our relationship and move forward with communication, she has expressed that she wants to work on it, I don't think counselling is in our future yet but maybe there will be a time for it. I would also like to express thanks to you that have given me advice. It helps to talk to people that have a notion of what is going on.

I would like to comment that is she isn't willing to seek help together and feels like she has nothing to work on, this is an understatement. You can't do this on your own. It's almost as if she wants you to change and is not open to growing together. Did she just leave the marriage because she was unhappy with you and how things were going? Did she feel her needs weren't being met? Or did she leave because she had met someone else and that didn't work and wanted you back. Seems so many variables here. I still think she needs to want to work on this together and to have the thinking that she doesn't need help doesn't help the both of you. Perhaps the both of you can read the book "The Five Love Languages". Start back to giving eachother what your love language is and focus on why you got together in the first place. Wish you both the best.

When she left she had written me a letter saying that she felt like I was more like a roommate or a brother, that she needed time to be on her own and be independent. She only asked me for child support even though she made only $2000 the year before. I was working at a job where I was gone for 21 days sometimes more and working sometimes 36 hours straight and the only break I got was when I was home for 5-6 days. When I was home I was mentally and physically drained. She said when I was home I wasn't there for her or the kids. I know that was part of the problem even though she said it didn't bother her. I would offer to help with the household chores but she would tell me "no, this is your time off, go watch tv or play a video game". But after she left she said it was part of the problem. Another problem she said she had was about money. We had debt, in my eyes it was not a lot but to her it was too much. I had asked her several times to take my pay checks and give me an allowance. I am good at making money she is good at saving. She didnt want to do that. She told me that she was unhappy with our marriage over and over and over again. I can remember twice she brought up that I wasn't spending as much time with the kids as I should be. Maybe her way of communicating to me her level of unhappiness was not in a way I could understand. She said she felt very unhappy for 6 months before she left but she wanted to work it out in her own. She did not include me in our marriage or her feelings. She was diagnosed with postpartum depression after our second child but went off her meds 6 months before leaving... Coincidence? She did not tell me she went off them or talk to anyone about leaving. The only people I knew she had discussed it with is a online group she was with since our first child was born.
I rarely drink, don't do drugs or gamble, I never even raised my voice to her in our entire marriage. We never argued or fought which I always wondered if that was healthy in a relationship?

You had problems just like everyone else. They were significant enough to cause a break in the unity of your relationship if brighter one of you came out and spoke out about how you felt when faced with these problems.
Unfortunately, people who fall in the marital " rut", especially if they are separated for extended periods of time due to work, get lonely, someone comes around, pays a little attention to them and the person feels infatuated, wanted, new experiences happen, exiciting things, lines get crossed.. People give in to temptation.
I think it is weak and unfair to the children, but it happens.
Sometimes it takes time and failure for a person to realize that after all it is all the same - domestic problems arrive eventually only this time you are with a person who is not a bio parent to your children and will never love them exactly like their bio parent should unless they ve raised them from baby age.
Maybe she realizes what she has done and hat you really had it good.
Non the less, she needs to prove to you that this is what she really wants and that this is what you really want.
Lay out the issues on the table and talk about it honestly, no bullshit.
Sex included. If you guys can't do it together, find a mediator.
I sincerely hope you can make it work!!!! Hug

Thank you Aronia, she comes home tonight. I will put it on the table after she has time to relax, I know how it is after spending time away from home working. I want nothing less then a healthy marriage and a happy family, I am willing to do what it takes to get what I want. I believe she is as well now that things have changed. We have had some good conversations over the phone at night. We have always had great sex, she has even expressed an interest in experimenting a bit which is great!

I think really it's an issue of trusting your own instinct. If this was me personally, I would have nothing to do with a relationship which had trust issues, but obviously people and relationships are different!

It's great that you're going to talk it through, I agree with the others that relationships have to have rules and common ground, and any issues you have need to be said else you will end up pushing your feelings to one side and never telling her what you want.

I think for now you need to give her the chance to prove herself that she can be trustworthy and that both of you can have a committed marriage again. It's going to take some time but she needs the chance to prove herself as a changed person who wants the marriage again before the trust will come back fully.

Yes it will take time, I am taking steps towards having open communication and I hope she can express her true feelings. I need that connection and trust before I can truly give myself to her again.

Well we didn't actually have the talk that I was hoping for, the day after she came home we both came down with head colds which made it difficult to deal with our two very active kids let alone have an emotional conversation. Although we did spend some good quality time together, it was our 6 anniversary yesterday which we spent eating left over lasagna and watching a tv show we both enjoy.
I do feel better about my trust issues, I can see that she is committed to working on "us" by the way she is communicating and she did open her Facebook to me. I know we still have a lot to work on but time is on our side. We were able to take care of each others needs in terms of affection, closeness, and just having fun with each other and our kids. I believe it is a good start to having the family and marriage we both desire.